Post # 1
Hi Bees! I’m always able to go to you ladies for advice, so here I am. 🙂
Fiance and I are wanting to rent a place for the first couple years of our marriage, because we are considering moving out of state within the next couple years. So, last month we went around looking at places just to get an idea of what we wanted. We ended up coming across this amazing duplex, we both just loved it.
Our plan, however, was that Fiance would move in about a month before our wedding (July) and then I’d move in after we were married. However, we talked to the realtor about the duplex for rent, and were informed that he would have to move in by March 15th. YIKES! That pushed things up for us quite a bit. But hey, sometimes you just have to do things that aren’t exactly planned. Right? 🙂
So, Fiance just moved in this past weekend! We’re so excited! The place is everything we both wanted, plus more!
Now you’re wondering what I need advice on then, right?
Well, FI’s parents are Catholic and are against living together before marriage. However, things would just be much better for us right now if I moved in with him. I mean, I’m over there everyday now decorating the place & taking care of things.. why shouldn’t I just live there?
I’m not sure what to do. Should I just wait to move in until after our wedding, in less than 5 months? Or just move in now, regardless of his parents opinion?
Post # 3
This is tricky…my then-bf (now FI) wouldn’t propose to me unless we lived together and he (and I) feel that you need to live with someone to really understand each other and to iron out any kinks…many people disagree with this, and that’s fine. If your parents are going to be so angry about it that it’s going to be a massive issue, I wouldn’t do it…but if it’s something they’ll likely get over – then I would go for it…
Post # 4
If you think it’s the right move, then I’d do it.
I’m Catholic, and my parents are also conservative Catholics. I told them we were going to move in together, and my dad promptly said “In a two bedroom, right?” I explained we got a one bedroom apartment and he changed the subject. He knows we live together, but he never brings it up. I think the fact that you’re engaged and going to be married shortly after makes it a little easier. If it’s the best decision for you and your Fiance, I would do it.
Post # 5
First, it doesn’t matter what FI’s parents think (unless they are paying for rent or something.)
If you and your finace are ok with it, then you are adults and can make that decision yourself. You both have to be completely on board with moving in together AND be prepared for any backlash you parents might have.
It sounds like it’s what you both want, so I say go for it.
Post # 6
If he’s old enough to be getting married then he’s old enought to make his own decisions on his living arrangements.
Post # 7
@ForeverBlessed: Are you getting married in the Catholic Church? If you are this is going to come up anyways and they most likely will not marry you if you are living together. So if that is the case I would wait.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2012 - Padua Hills Theater
I think you should just move in now. It’s five months, it might not seem like that long but it will feel like forever. This is your home that you are putting together for your married life. You should be able to enjoy it as well! His parents maybe strict Catholics but I doubt they will hate you for moving in before marriage. How does your Fiance feel about it?
Post # 9
I agree with that. It’s not him that is worried about it – it’s me. We’re going to be married in such a short time.. I’d just hate to upset his family right now.
Post # 10
We are in a similar situation and know several people who have been. The general viewpoint is what parents’ don’t know doesn’t always kill them. We are not advertising that we are moving in together and are not telling either set of parents who we are living with (they know I am moving, my address, but not my new roommate). If they ask, be honest, but there is no reason to come straight out and tell them.
Also, we have found that what parents claim to be against and what parents are against are different. Many people throw a big hissy fit over the thought of you moving in together, but once you are there and the wedding is a few short months away, they don’t care.
Post # 11
@MrsPom: No we aren’t. I am not Catholic, so we are not allowed to get married in the church. We will be getting in my church – which is Methodist.
Post # 12
If *you* want to live together, then do it! It’s your life (and his), not theirs. Never live for someone else’s opinion.
There’s that. And practically speaking, living together first is a great idea. No matter how great the relationship is, or how well you think you know someone, it is a BIG adjustment. It takes a lot of time to iron out the kinks and get into a comfortable routine…you have to find your groove in bill paying, chores, personal time, together time, having friends/family over, pets, etc etc etc. It goes on and on. It’s good to get those kinks out, and give you time to be that much more sure that you guys are right for each other. Living together, married or not, brings things (good and bad) to the surface. I’d rather have it all out on the table before I walk down the aisle.
Post # 13
@ForeverBlessed: Oh well in that case I would probably just move in. LOL
Post # 14
@castle: He was iffy about it at first. I think he’s just always thought that he wouldn’t live with someone before marriage. However, we discussed it last night and he’s decided that he really wants me to move in. He’s really pushing for it now.
Post # 15
ROFL. You have no clue how pissed my Fi’s conservative, Catholic parents were when they found out we moved into together. It was entirely out of necessity, basically I was going to be homeless. And if I could have changed it, I would have but circumstances at the time were awful. I moved into his 2 bedroom apartment and we have separate rooms. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, until his parents were like “oh really?” But we’re on our own so it isn’t their business.
Live the life you want to live. They’ll get over it, my Fi’s parents aren’t happy about the idea but they aren’t feaked out anymore.
Post # 16
How does your Fiance feel about the situation? I would say take his advice. My Fiance and I are actually in very similar situation. Both of our parents are Catholic and had made it extremely clear that living together before marraige was unacceptable. However, now that we are getting close to the wedding, both of our parents have expressed that they understand that it would be unreasonable for us not to live together due to varying leases expiring, etc. My Fiance and I were both extremely surprised that they had this more laid back attitude than we were expecting. The point is that even thought they may be against living together before marriage, you might be surprised by their reaction when you actually bring it up with them. If you have done everything with the proper intentions up till this point, they will probably understand your decision.