(Closed) Catholic Question about “Soul Mate” and divorce

posted 9 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
8027 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oooh- I am intersted to see the responses.  I am not Catholic, so I won’t comment- but I am interested in what other bees think!

Post # 4
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I was raised Catholic, but I am no longer. I’m not sure that disqualifies me from posting… maybe it does. Anyway.

I beleive she can apply for annulment within the Church under certain conditions.

Otherwise I would advise counseling. This does not sound like a situation that will improve, TBH.

Post # 5
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My Fiance is Catholic and we are getting married in a Catholic church. We have had several pre-marital meetings about the meaning of marriage and tips for a successful marriage. In one of the meetings, the priest talked about emotional or mental “cheating” when having friends of the opposite sex. It’s too late to change what happened, but the solution is to make your spouse the most important person and thing in your life. It’s tough and I don’t know how I would say it to a friend (it sounds good coming from a priest), but she needs to change her mindset and make her husband the most important thing in her life.

Post # 6
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

OP, I think your response was right on.

She’s not fully committed to making her marriage work if she still is regularly thinking about the soulmate. In a situation like that, you just can’t have it both ways!

Post # 7
Member
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think she is confusing “what if” (lust/fantasy) with “what is”.

She needs to make a whole-hearted effort to seeing the good in her husband and their marriage. Her so-called “soul mate” is married to someone else, she needs to forget about him.

If she really wants out of the marriage, it needs to because because she doesn’t want to be with her husband, not because of her fantasy with someone else who is off-limits anyway.

Post # 8
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

like a PP poster said, the church does grant an annulment in certain situations if she wants to look into that. 

Otherwise I think counseling, both by herself to work on not thinking about the other guy and focusing on her husband, and as a couple is necessary.

Post # 10
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I was raised Catholic.   I just wanted to say that I’m not sure that the Church only grants annulments for drug/spousal abuse.  What’s she’s already done, the emotional cheating is adultry and she could probably swing an annulment out of that. 

I don’t mean to sound harsh but I’m sure if she has the funds and there are no children, it might be easier. 

Post # 11
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yeah the only reason I mentioned the annulment is beacuse it seems like there’s more going on that what the OP said, at least that’s the impression I got. 

 

Post # 12
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@Rock Hugger: It’s good advice, but there’s a very good chance that this won’t go away on its own. When a person attaches significance or emotional value to another person – or especially the idea of another person – and they’re in a relationship where for whatever reason needs are not being met, it’s sort of a setup for failure. The emotional high she gets from this new guy is absent in her marriage, which already seemed tense.

Getting around that is almost like getting around an addiction (to that emotional whatever). It takes a lot of time, a lot of support, and a replacement of what’s missing with a healthier choice.

My point being.. they’re going to need a lot of help. Chances are she’s run through the arguments like ‘grass is greener’ in her head and while it was enough to cause her to cut ties, it will take time to make them stick.

Is there counseling within their church community? Even post-affair counseling, since there was an emotional component?

Post # 13
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

grr. double post.

Post # 14
Member
4334 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@HisIrishPrincess: hmmm…I really don’t think you can get an annulment just for adultery. (Think about it– all the people who can’t get annulments would just GO HAVE SEX with the person they wanted to! a little too easy…) An annulment has more to do with your state of mind and knowledge of what marriage is about (eg, whether or not you understand/believe that it is forever).

but, yeah, what a sad situation. I will say a prayer that your friend can find the emotional connection that she needs and craves with her husband and doesn’t even have to investigate divorce. 🙁

Post # 15
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If they don’t have children, then they could get an annulment. Not having children is a valid reason for an annulment, since a Catholic marriage is not valid unless the couple eventually has children. The thing is to prove that one partner went into the marriage without the intention of having children.

During pre cana, our deacon told us the story of a man who got an annulment without much effort after he discovered that his wife was on the BC pill.

Post # 16
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think there are really two separate questions here.  One is whether or not she can save her marriage….or if she wants to.  The other is if she does leave her marriage, how does the Church view that…and can she ever remarry?

The first question I have no answers for.  I have a friend that was in a similar situation.  She did get a divorce but did not end up with the “soulmate” for other reasons.  She has since remarried to a man she met a few years after her divorce and is very happy with him. She now says that the “soulmate” really wasn’t a soulmate after all, but he was someone who opened her eyes to things that were missing in her relationship with her ex-husband.  She made a much better choice in her second husband and actually doesn’t regret what happened because it let her to him.  

As for the Catholic part of things, marriage is a sacrament and indissoluable.  But divorce alone will not make her unable to take communion.  It is remarriage outside the Church that bars a person from the Eucharist because the Church still considers the person to be married to her first spouse; thus, she is married to one man and living and (presumably) having sex with another man.  

As previous posters have mentioned, though a valid sacramental marriage only ends with the death of one of the parties, if the Church finds that the marriage was invalid from the beginning, that marriage can be annulled, leaving both parties free to marry in the Church.  Adultery, mental or physical, is not grounds for an annullment, however.  The OPs friend would likely have to prove a case based on one or the other (or both) of them being unable to fully consent to marriage. They’d have to prove that at least one of them wasn’t mature enough to understand the full extent of what they were doing. If they could prove their case, then an annulment would be granted.

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