(Closed) Catholic/Jewish Ceremony

posted 8 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

we are having a non denominational ceremony under a chuppah indoors..my Fiance is Catholic, I am Jewish.  We also purchased an english secular ketubah (there were interfaith options that reference both religions) and are doing cultural dances.  That’s about the extent that we are bringing religion in though.  I wanted to do grace and hamoitze but he didn’t want to ripple the water for anyone who just “didn’t get it”.

Post # 4
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

“however according to the catholic church marriage is not a sacrament unless preformed in the presence of the host which is only indoors.”

 

That’s actually not true on several accounts. First, the Catholic Church views any marriage between two baptized people as a Sacramental Marriage.  So a Catholic and a Luteran’s marriage would be Sacramental (as would a marriage between two Methodists).  A marriage between a baptized person and a non-baptized person is a “Natural Marriage” which is viewed as just as valid in the Catholic Church but is treated differently.  That’s what you want – a Natural Marriage.

Second, the Catholic Church does not require a marriage to be in doors.  A marriage according to Canonical Form (a valid marriage) is required to be performed in a normal place of worship.  That’s usually inside a church building, but can be in an outdoor chapel with permission.

 

Third, to be valid, your marriage must be performed by a Catholic priest in a Catholic church OR you must receive permission from the Bishop (the priest assisting you in your wedding planning asks) to have it elsewhere.  Jewish/Catholic weddings are almost approved with that permission, and thus do not have to happen in a Catholic church (but don’t just do it – you need to ask a priest to ask the bishop for permission and the priest attends your non-Catholic wedding). 

 

Catholic/Jewish weddings usually happen according to the jewish tradition.  A priest will come and watch the ceremony but will not participate.  Usually, the priest will say a blessing after the ceremony if you ask.

 

So what do you need to do?  Go talk to a priest.  He will fill out forms for the bishop and will facilitate getting them approved.  The priest might require you to attend pre-marriage counseling if you haven’t already (and will plan that for you).  Contrary to popular belief, you are not required to baptize the children Catholic.  The Catholic party in the wedding promises two things: 1) to remain Catholic and 2) to raise the children as best as he/she can with knowledge of the Catholic faith. 
The non-Catholic promising nothing.

 

What happens if you get married and do not ask for permission?  The Catholic Church will view the marriage as invalid (it never existed) and the Catholic will not be able to receive communion because he/she will be in a state of sin (adultery) until the wedding is blessed by the Church.  

 

 

Post # 5
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am Catholic, Fiance is Jewish. We are having an interfaith ceremony, outdoors under a chuppah, co-officiated by a Cantor from the synagogue and a Roman Catholic Woman Priest. Our marriage will not be recognized by the Archdiocese of Philadelphia (because it is outside the church and not performed by a traditional male Catholic Priest), but I don’t really care. I tried REALLY hard to play by the rules of my church, and it was a mess. No one knew what they were talking about, and the “rules” varied from church to church- which was confirmed to me by the head of the Archdiocese when I referenced Canon Law, and asked why the “laws” changed from priest to priest and parish to parish. We met with 4 different priests from the Archdiocese and they all acted like clowns and did not take our wedding seriously at all. They were incredibly offensive. The good Catholic girl in me cried buckets and was horrified by this, but then I came to terms with the fact that priests are indeed humans, they are not God, they have flaws, and sometimes they can be rude and hurtful. It was more important to me to have the wedding ceremony of my dreams, than to have one co-officiated by a priest who clearly didn’t want to be there other than to get paid his fee and leave.

As for the future, we intend to have our children baptized and raise them predominantly Catholic (but exposed to both). In order to do that we will have to have our marriage “blessed” in the Church and pay a fee. (which we would have had to do anyway- so why go through all the Pre-Cana stuff, and put up with an obnoxious priest only to have our marriage not be recognized and have to be “blessed” later, anyway?)

If you are looking for help, a wonderful book that I relied heavily on to put together our interfaith ceremony is called “Celebrating Interfaith Marriages: Creating your Jewish/Christian Ceremony” by Rabbi Devon Lerner. I got it on Amazon for like 15 bucks. It is a wonderfully written book that can DEFINITELY help you create a ceremony that represents BOTH faiths.

Post # 6
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@Monkeygirl:

 

Rules do not vary from parish to parish – they are defined in Canon Law.  The only thing that varies are things like where the wedding can be held (in the church or in a chapel) and prices that can be charged (theoretically to off set the cost of the parish) as those are left up to the pastor’s digression in Canon Law.  If you run into a problem, ask to speak to the bishop directly.  You can’t imagine how many secretaries in parishes and diocese think they know what they’re talking about when they in fact have no clue.

 

Like any organization, the Catholic Church has some good people and some not so good people.  If you were not respected, then keep trying until you find someone that does respect you.

 

The grave matter, however, is that you are hiring a “woman priest”.  Not only will that make your wedding invalid (no matter what the “woman priest” tells you, she is not a Catholic priest), but there’s a good chance that you will be automatically excommunicated from the Catholic Church for publicly support heresy.  Please DO NOT do that.

 

There is usually no charge for a convalidation ceremony (the “blessing” you referenced above).  Sometimes, however, you are charged for things like books (if you are required to go to counseling).  It’s usually not much and will be waived if you cannot afford it.

 

Ask around and find a good priest or deacon.  The last thing you want is to excommunicate yourself and then prevent your children from being baptized. 

Post # 7
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My fiance is Jewish and I am Catholic.  I dreamed my whole life about getting married in a Catholic church and was really worried we would never be able to make it happen b/c I fell in love with a Jewish person.  My fiance and I talked about it a lot within the first few years of dating b/c we wanted to honor both (we were together 3 and 1/2 years before we got engaged).  I felt really strongly that since I go to Church regularly and have gotten all my sacraments and the like, that I really wanted to get married in a church. Especially b/c my fiance is much more culturally Jewish than actually religious (I think I know more about what his high holy days mean-LOL).  But it ended up being a lot easier than we could have ever imagined.  We are getting married in a Catholic Church and a Rabbi will come to the church and co-officiate.  A lot of times people are so wary of the all the so-called “rules” of the Catholic church and think they won’t work with you but in the end they were super accomodating to us and now we both get to honor our families but still grant my wish of getting married in a church.  Don’t be afraid to ask the Catholic Church to work with you!  They are more flexible than a lot of people think….

Post # 8
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@CoffeeHound- Are you a priest? You’re talking about things as harsh as me being excommunicated, so I’m just curious as to where your expertise comes from.

It actually wasn’t a secretary that I spoke with. It was the Chancellor in the Chancery’s office! You know, the office that consults on, implements and explains all canonical policies within the Archdiocese- yeah, that one. So if THIS office misinformed me, then forgive me if I’m not really interested in seeking counsel from people further down the chain of command.

I appreciate your advice, but I’m not really interested in trying to beg priests to participate in my wedding ceremony anymore. I spent MONTHS calling, talking, meeting with priests, jumping through hoops, gathering documents, answering questions. These people were so awful to me they had me questioning my own faith! Thankfully, I was raised by good parents who taught me to rise above the behavior of these priests (who I had been raised to have the utmost respect for), and to not turn my back on God because of the behavior of a few. The ones I met with should be ashamed of themselves. 

I’m going to have a wonderful wedding, with both officiants, under a gorgeous chuppah built by my sister. God will be watching over me that day. I know that to be true. 🙂  

Post # 9
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

So if THIS office misinformed me, then forgive me if I’m not really interested in seeking counsel from people further down the chain of command.”

 

Were you demanding something not mentioned?  For example, did you demand an outside wedding, that a rabbi and priest con-celebrate (won’t happen – you’ll have one or the other), etc?  I’m not sure what “rules” they wouldn’t bend on, but it must have been something pretty serious that you wanted.

 

“…You’re talking about things as harsh as me being excommunicated…”

 

It’s not “harsh”, it’s a possible outcome of your actions.  The pope has already excommunicated all women priests and any bishop that attempts to ordain a woman priest.  Women priests are inherently heretical.  There’s no way around that.  Openly supporting and giving credence to a heretical act is an excommunicable offense per Canon 1364.

You need to be VERY, VERY careful with this.  Not only is it a problem for you, but if you invited me to your wedding, I would walk out as soon as I saw a woman priest.  It would be a grave sin for any of your Catholic guests to stay.  You’re much better off just having a jewish wedding then seeking a convalidation after that.  Bringing in a woman priest makes things much, much worse.

Post # 10
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

CoffeeHound- tread lightly with the things you write on this forum. While I respect your right to have an opinion which differs from mine, I noticed that you just joined WB, you don’t seem to be a bride-to-be, and all of your comments are limited to religious subjects and are of an aggressive, preachy, nature.  

The statements you have directed at me are not only inflammatory and unhelpful, but are the very things that drive would-be parishioners away from the Catholic Church. With all due respect, I don’t need a tutorial from you about my spirituality. Spirituality is personal, it’s in your heart, you carry it with you, it helps make you who you are. Regardless of what type of wedding ceremony I have, or who I have officiating, I carry my spirituality with me everyday- wherever I go, whatever I do. Worshiping and attending church services and participating in religious ceremonies/rituals are merely an outward reflection of that. Spirituality is not about being showy or proving yourself to anyone; it’s about your personal relationship with God or a Higher Power- or whatever you believe in. It’s not about being part of an exclusive club and making other people who aren’t part of that club feel bad.

I am Catholic. I was baptized and raised Catholic. I am going to marry a wonderful man who happens to be Jewish. I am not going to turn in my Catholic card when I do that. My faith is just that- MY FAITH- it doesn’t get terminated, and no one is going to take it from me unless I choose for that to happen. Fiance and I are confident enough within ourselves, our faiths, and our religions, that we don’t need to change each other or prove ourselves to anyone. This is the INTERFAITH board- for people who actually are in interfaith relationships to support each other and share ideas and experiences relating to interfaith issues- NOT for religious zealots to hop on board and spin their own religious agenda. I’m sorry you seem to be so threatened by the idea that I would have a woman priest co-officiate at my wedding. I met with several male Catholic priests prior to meeting with her. They were rude, disrespectful, lazy, and obnoxious. Their behavior was so offensive, I was embarrassed to be associated with them. I was not about to let them ruin one of the most important days of my life for “fear” of repercussions from the Catholic Church. It was THEIR behavior that led me to even consider going outside my Archdiocese to find an officiant who cared about us and our wedding ceremony in the first place. In a way, I suppose I should thank them.  

I appreciate your “concern” about my sinning ways, but the guests who are coming to our wedding are well aware that it is an interfaith ceremony, being co-officiated by two completely different spiritual leaders, outdoors, under a chuppah. Luckily for me, my guests are not the type to be as intolerant and disrespectful as to walk out of my wedding ceremony. If they do, then that’s their problem, not mine. I don’t take on problems that don’t belong to me.

I’ll pray for you. God Bless. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@Monkeygirl: Monkeygirl, I am in an interfaith marriage.  I am not trying to be “preachy”and I think my posts in the Unity Candle thread show that I am religiously moderate. 

However, as a Catholic, you know there are certain things that will excommunicate you from the Church.  Striking the pope, joining another religion, and supporting womenpriests are three that are most commonly mentioned.  

You may think you’re being progressive, but honestly, you’re putting your soul in grave danger (literally – that’s the phrase used by the Conference of Catholic Bishops regarding this situation). 

By entering into an invalid marriage outside of the Church, clearly you know that you are excluded from Communion.  Sponsoring women priests is an entirely different situation.

But, I’ve done all I can.  After being excommunicated, don’t say you weren’t warned.

Post # 12
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Thank you for trying to save me. LOL.

Post # 13
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@Monkeygirl: Well you and your wedding.  It would be the sin of scandal for guests to stay, so you’ll probably have between 1/3 and 1/2 of your Catholic guests walk out.

Post # 14
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

CoffeeHound, Uhhhh, I’m not sure why you can’t leave this alone. You’re hijacking MissEmilyMarie’s post in order to spin your own agenda, and I don’t understand why. For someone who’s supposedly in an “interfaith marriage” your comments aren’t very supportive or helpful with regard to this topic. I think it’s very strange that you seem to have such serious issues with my wedding, considering you don’t know me and my choices don’t effect your life in any way whatsoever. My Fiance and I are entitled to have the wedding that we want- and I’m sorry if that upsets you. I know my guests well enough to know that ALL of them will be there for the ceremony. Your statements that they are going to walk out simply aren’t true.

Thanks for the input, but as I’ve already indicated, Fiance and I are still going to do what’s best for us.

 

Post # 15
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@Monkeygirl: You don’t have to resort to ad hominem attacks.  I’m simply making the point because you don’t understand the seriousness of what you’re doing.  This goes way beyond a person that simply has an out-of-Church ceremony. Further, I don’t think you understand what you’re doing to your guests.  If they stay, they are sinning.  So you’re putting people in a terrible situation – get up and walk out (and offend you) or stay and sin. 

I implore you to switch out that womanpriest for anyone – have just the rabbi do the ceremony, invite a non-denominational minister, etc. – just don’t use an excommunicated person. 

Post # 16
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m not attacking you at all. A lesser person would have already told you where you can go. Despite the hurtful and inflammatory things you have said to me, I’d say I’ve been much more respectful to you than you have been to me. I only hope that the newer Interfaith bees aren’t taking your judgmental comments to heart and thinking that this is how WB usually is, because it isn’t.

This entire argument is futile. So let me make it simple for you- my wedding is none of your business. I didn’t ask you for advice, I didn’t ask you for your insults. You already had your wedding, and now I’m going to have mine.  You’ve said quite enough. Leave me alone.

The topic ‘Catholic/Jewish Ceremony’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors