Post # 1
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
Ok so I grew up Baptist and went through RCIA in college. I’m the only Catholic in my family (who are totally cool with the fact that I’m Catholic). As a matter of fact very often, they will come with me to early mass and then I’ll go with them to the church I grew up in. Enter Fiance and family… Fiance and family are Protestants as well. FI knows I’m Catholic but I don’t think the rest of his family does (and I’m not quite sure that all of them would be ok with it honestly). Now ceremony issues… we’ve decided that my minister from the church I grew up in would conduct the ceremony but I really want the ceremony to follow as closely to a Catholic ceremony outside of mass as possible (and before anyone says anything I know it won’t be a true Catholic mass). So my question for you is since I’m not going through my priest do you guys have any outlines for ceremonies outside of mass AND since my childhood (Protestant) minister is doing the ceremony should I still cross myself when he says “Father, Son, & Holy Spirit” since it isn’t my priest saying it? Thanks bees!
Post # 3
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
@MrsB-to-Be: I’m not trying to discourage you. However, in order to stay in the state of grace with God, you must be married in the Catholic parish and by a Catholic priest/deacon. I am a convert from protestantism so I understand trying to make it easier for his protestant family. I’m not sure how you can have a Catholic ceremony outside the Catholic church.
Post # 4
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
Btw, you can have a non-Mass wedding inside the Catholic Church. Unfortunately you’d still have to have a priest or deacon preside it, though. It would cut the ceremony a lot and you could have a program that indicates what each thing means for those who aren’t familar.
Post # 5
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
@MrsB-to-Be: I cant think of a good solution except to have a Catholic Preist preform your ceremony, is your preist comfortable preforming catholic rituals? I am kind of confussed why you went with your old church when you aren’t a member anymore… :/
Post # 6
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
I think this is a great solution to family issues, and I totally see why you would want to do this. If it is important to you to stay in a good state with God, see if your Fiance would be okay with your priest marrying the two of you the day before the “actual” ceremony. Noone would have to know, but then you would be technically married in the Catholic church and could then have more a celebration service. Otherwise, I would speak with your priest and explain the situation, he may have a service that you can follow (or CatholicBrides.com has some good stuff too) and may be able to bless the marriage so that it is seen as legitamate in the Catholic Church. Good luck! I hope you come up with a solution that works for everyone involved. 🙂
Post # 7
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
@OneLove04210: That’s a really great idea! Have the wedding the day before and then “wedding” for everyone else!
Post # 8
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
Congrats on your wedding!
First off you should talk to your priest about your plans to get married. Whether or not you will get married in the Catholic Church, you will eventually be a married Catholic and so it’s important to find out what that means! Catholics consider marriage to be a sacrament, so as a Catholic its important for you to consider not only what type of wedding would be best for your family, but if a sacramental marriage is important to you.
You can have a valid Catholic wedding outside of the Catholic Church if you apply for a “dispensation from canonical form.” This is sometimes done when one party isn’t Catholic and has certain ties (like a family member who is a minister) or when one side of the family would refuse to come to a Catholic wedding or something. It sounds like your case might be one that applies. You can ask your priest about this. It would still be a valid marriage according to the Church (though I don’t think sacramental. Not sure on that one??). I think you would have to go through something called Pre-Cana, which is the Church’s marriage prep program. It’s actually great – people here have rave reviews on it. It’s a growing time for you and your fiance.
You can look up the non-mass form of a Catholic wedding online. Pretty much it is the processional, opening prayer, a reading from the old testament, a psalm, a reading from the new testament, the gospel, and then a homily. Then there are the vows and the exchange of rings. Next there is the prayers of the faithful, the Our Father, and sign of the peace, and then it closes with a nuptial blessing.
I would find some time to bring up your faith with your in laws or have your fiance do it. It’s not something to keep secret!
Post # 9
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
@jedeve: yeah, this exactly.
As long as his family isn’t ANTI-Catholic, then a Catholic non-Mass wedding ceremony inside a Catholic church (with a Catholic priest,) looks JUST like a Protestant wedding. (It would only be uncomfortable to them if they have other reasons for being uncomfortable inside a Catholic church, or else if you choose to add things to the cermony that are explicitly Catholic, like flowers to Mary or something.)
And yeah, I agree that this isn’t something you should keep a secret. If you’re a Catholic, then it’s a part of who you are, and you shouldn’t have to feel ashamed about it.
Post # 10
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
@OneLove04210: Thanks so much for your suggestion!! That’s perfect! I’ll talk to my priest about that! Thanks so much!!
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