(Closed) Catholics – Admit to living together?

posted 7 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You shouldn’t lie.

That said, the reaction is going to depend entirely on your parish, your priest, etc.  I’ve seen brides on here whose churches refused to marry them for living together before marriage, whereas our priest doesn’t seem to care one way or the other.

Sex will come up.  Reaction, again, depends on your priest.  Ours didn’t bat an eyelash when we talked about it.

Post # 4
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i’d be truthful, a priest cannot deny marrying you on the basis of you guys living together. if he does, you need to report him to the archdiocese.

fwiw, no one asked if we had premarital sex either, but they made broad statements to the group about how even if you guys are sexually active, it would behoove you to stop until marriage. nothing pushy or saying you had to or anything, just a suggestion… they worded it better than i just did!

Post # 5
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We admitted to it, only because the priest asked for our addresses… and they are the same… haha.

He just gave us a booklet about living together before marriage. No lecture, nothing.

 

You should be ok, but be warned that some churches are still in the 1950’s mindset and don’t approve.

Post # 6
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yeah, we admitted it. It wasn’t a big deal. They gave us a special brochure of things to think about/talk about if you’re already living together. No one asked us if we had had sex. I would advise against lying about it.

Post # 7
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We had to sign for the “special” pre-cana which was for couples who are over 30, live together, or already have children.  Since we qualified for 2 of the 3, I think they knew.  It wasn’t a big deal at all.  I don’t even think it was mentioned in class.

Post # 9
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

In our course, out of 10 couples, one couple did not live together.  We went in expecting to be shunned for “living in sin”, but it was actually a really open environment.  When we met with our deacon, he barely even commented. 

Post # 10
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m not Catholic, but my fiance is and we’re going through the Catholic marriage prep process at the local parish (getting married in his home parish but we live together 1,500 miles away). We told the Deacon and church office that we live together, and we had to take an extra section on the FOCCUS survey, and they made some broad statements about couples who live together have higher divorce rates, but that in this economy more people are doing it. After the initial conversation it hasn’t really come up again.

Post # 11
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Why would you consider lying? If you’re getting married in the church, at least one of you is committed to being Catholic, so why would you start the sacrament of Matrimony with a lie? Be honest and open with your priest, if he questions why you’re living together, give him whatever reason you have.  (You have to justify it to yourself in some way, so there’s your reason!) 

Whether good or bad, lots of people live together before marriage nowadays, you won’t be the first he’s seen. 

Post # 12
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@bookworm88:My thoughts exactly.  Lying is a sin.  So tell the truth.  Regardless of the outcome. 

Though the church is strict they have seen it all.  You are not the first and you won’t be the last to be living together before marriage.

Post # 13
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We also did the “special” Pre-Cana. Nobody “asked” us anything (living together, pre-marital sex, if both of us were Catholic), our Pre-Cana was mostly the couple talking to us, telling us stories, and having us write and talk with each other.

Post # 14
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

We admitted to it and our priest at the time (he left because of a change in the diocese haha not because of this situation ;P) and he asked us why, etc but it wasn’t two bad, about a minute conversation, but boy it felt longer ;P

Post # 15
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We just went through this yesterday. We met with the priest who is marrying us and we needed to fill out some paperwork. He asked us for our addresses, and my fiance went first – giving him our address. When he asked for my address, I said “Father, we live together. Is that okay?” To which he responded “No, that is not okay. What is the point of getting married then? You’re already married…” He asked us if we were having “relations” and when we both bashfully nodded ‘yes’ he finished up the meeting pretty abruptly and told us we could come and fill in the rest of the paperwork at another time. He clearly did not want to spend anymore time with us.

Now we’re both really concerned that he is going to pull out of the wedding completely.

It was a pretty awful experience, and quite frankly I would never advise lying to a priest, but in retrospect it might have been better to have told him my work address or my parent’s address.

Post # 16
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’re moving in together before the wedding…about 4-5 months before. I’m hoping we do our Pre Cana before we do this…so then I won’t feel guilty about it! Catholic guilt gets ya every time…just tell the truth, you’ll feel worse if you lie!

 

The topic ‘Catholics – Admit to living together?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors