Post # 1
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2.5 years. I am divorced with a 7 year old. Everything has been going well except for a couple of issues. One of them is that he has two cats at home and both my daughter and I are allergic (besides, I don’t like cats that much). Therefore we don’t spend much time at this place. I live with my parents at the moment as I haven’t been able to buy a house yet (housing is really expensive in my area), so we don’t really spend much time as a couple. This has been difficult for both of us.
I would like to move in with him but not with the cats. They are quite wild and open wardrobes, get into my boyfriend’s bed, etc. We have talked about this and the only compromise we have been able to reach is that we would keep the cats but we wouldn’t have more after they die, but I don’t feel happy with this as the cats are 7 years old. I feel that he’s not taking my feelings into account. One of my friends even says that if he truly loved me, he would get rid of the cats.
Do you have any suggestions?
Post # 2
I would dump a person if they made me choose between them or my pets, especially if my pets were around before the other person. Just saying.
Just because you don’t like cats doesn’t mean he should be forced to give them up. For everything else, there’s Benadryl.
Post # 3
sarang : Animals are a lifetime commitment. He’s had those cats longer than you’ve been together and you want him to get rid of them? No.
This relationship isn’t for you.
Post # 4
How allergic is allergic? Deathly/can’t breath/unbearable allergic? Or slightly stuffy? If I’m away from home for awhile, I always feel congested when surrounded by cats again, but it fades away after a couple days.
I’m sure it’s hard to understand if you don’t like cats, but these are your boyfriend’s pets and responsibility and family. It sounds like he did take your feelings into account when you reached your compromise. I would at least give the cats a chance and go from there. Perhaps another compromise could be keeping them out of bedrooms if you have trouble sleeping with them near at night?
Post # 5
sarang : This is a tough situation since he had his cats before he met you and your daughter. If I’d had a dog before Darling Husband, I wouldn’t have been able to give him up. I love him too much.
Can yall find some sort of different compromise? Maybe he keeps his cats, but the bedroom is a cat free zone? And possibly the furniture that you will sit/lay on? And in return you try daily allergy medications and possibly look into allergy shots? (if the allergies are severe enough) I did allergy shots, and my cat allergies are cured now for the most part, though it took awhile before they made a difference. They also cured most of my seasonal allergies so they were well worth it! And maybe buy a HEPA air purifier? (I’ve heard these work wonders for cat/dog dander).
Post # 6
I’m gonna assume that rehoming the cats is not really an option for your boyfriend, and rightly so. Rather than jumping straight to the nuclear option of byebye cats, have you done any research on how to live with cats when you’re allergic? There are a ton of suggestions out there that a quick google search will show you, and I’m sure the vet would also have tips.
You made the decision to date a person with cats while knowing you and your daughter were allergic, and I think it’s unfair to expect he’ll just get rid of the cats. That said, he needs to be willing to make some major changes around the house to make it easier for you and your daughter. Like cats should not be allowed in the bedroom that you sleep in anymore, starting immediately. There are a bunch of other tips on this website that he could incorporate: https://www.petfinder.com/cats/living-with-your-cat/cat-allergies/
Post # 7
My ex felt much the same way you do about cats. I had 2 cats before he even came in the picture. This was one of the main reasons we broke up.
PS: he also tried to get me to get rid of them. I broke up with him over that!!!!
Sounds like you need to find a man with no cats.
Post # 8
You are talking about him not taking your feelings into account but are you actually considering his feelings?! As your partner I would be absolutely heartbroken. It’s like you wanting to get family members out of the house for good.
I know allergies can be a pain in the butt but there are good medications and with some patience cats can be trained. Just my two cents…
Post # 9
It sounds like you need to find a way to adjust your expectations. Pets are family for most people. Just because they’re not to you doesn’t mean that they’re not important to your SO. It doesn’t sound like you’re really looking for a compromise. I have 100% broken up with people who didn’t like my pets, and as long as your allergies are manageable, I would advise maybe bending a little here.
Post # 10
If I had cats and started dating someone who didn’t like them and then wanted me to get rid of them so they could move in, guess who I’d rehome? Hint: not the cats. Insistence that I get rid of my cats and/or not have any more cats is a giant deal breaker.
In my opinion, the only acceptable compromises are either you and your daughter taking allergy meds and keeping the cats out of the bedrooms or exiting the relationship.
My fiancé is moderately allergic to cats and while I did not have a cat when we were dating and moving in together, we are looking into ways to get a cat and also have the house be livable for him – allergy shots, having an indoor/outdoor cat (like a Maine Coon that can be outside in winter), adopting a kitten that we acclimate to regular baths so that we can minimize dander (the source of allergen), and definitely keeping said cat out of the bedroom.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t get rid of my cats for a partner. Luckily my now-husband understood that my 3 cats were a package deal! Adult cats are euthanized at very high rates… that’s a hard no for me.
My mom is pretty allergic and we’re just about to have a baby, so I’m trying to figure out how to reduce the allergens in the house. Brushing them every day helps. I also came across this info on Jackson Galaxy’s website recently and want to ask my vet about it.
“The oral tranquilizer Acepromazine can be given at ultra-low doses in the cat’s food and provides relief for a great many allergy sufferers. While a single small study on the use of Acepromazine did not find statistically significant results, in practice, about 50% of people report a complete cessation of symptoms, 25% report that symptoms are improved, and 25% report no change. It takes 2-4 weeks to see results.
However, the formula is simple, inexpensive, and easy to try. The medication changes the chemical composition of the cat’s saliva, reducing the amount of allergenic protein secreted. It must be given every day to maintain the effect. Because the dose is so tiny, it has no effect on the cat’s behavior and can be given for life. You can give the recipe for “Ace Allergy Drops” to your vet: To a one-ounce dropper bottle containing 30 ml spring water, add 5 mg Acepromazine (1/2 ml of injectable 10 mg/ml, or one 5 mg tablet crushed, or half of a 10 mg tablet crushed). Instructions: Shake well before using. For an adult cat, add 5-6 drops of mixture to cat’s wet food daily. For smaller kittens, use 1-2 drops. Because there is no preservative, store the bottle in the refrigerator.”
Post # 12
sarang : my suggestion is to stop being a terrible and selfish person. if cats are a dealbreaker to you, then you shouldn’t have gotten yourself into a realtionship with a man with cats. what if he demanded that you give up your daughter because he doesn’t like children? and then said, “well if she truly loved me, she would give up the kid?” these cats are part of his life, just as much as your kid is part of yours.
Post # 13
So if he’s a cat person like I am the cats are family. Our cat gets into the wardrobe too and the solution? Keep the door closed. I have a crap ton of allergies too so I feel you. I know some allergies can be severe and life threatening so if that’s the level I have different advice on that so read on if not.
So for milder allergies living with less to no carpet can help. Vacuuming often is key and so is dusting. Minimum is weekly for us. We also bought cat wipes at Petsmart and wipe her. It seems to help. He also needs to brush them regularly and that helps too. We have a sheet over the bed so we don’t get cat hair all over our sheets where we sleep. She’s not allowed on the kitchen table or counter. Obviously she goes anyway sometimea but not as much as she would if we ignored it.
Lysol wipes are a must.
Hope this helps.
Post # 14
sarang : “One of my friends even says that if he truly loved me, he would get rid of the cats.”
Animals are a lifetime committment. You don’t just throw them away. My cat was my first “baby.” If my boyfriend at the time didn’t like her, then bye bye boyfriend! The only possible way I’d ever give her up is if my son developed a severe allergy. And even then it would be really really hard to do. You say you and your daughter are allergic. What does that mean? That you can’t breathe? Can it be managed at all by medication? From the way you phrased your OP it sounds like the bigger issue is you don’t like the cats, not the allergy part.
Post # 15
As someone who is also allergic to cats but owns one anyway: I’d ditch the SO before I ditched my cat.
Eyes puff and tear up, super red, itchy, congested…etc. But, knowing that, I started allergy medicine a month before we got our cat. We vacuum, use a spray duster, and she gets brushed daily. She wasn’t supposed to be a bedroom cat, but spends most nights curled up at the foot of the bed because…well…shes so darn cute and I caved.
I only have problems with her when I spend a lot of time away. And I still have problems with other people’s cats.