Cats in the house

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
7381 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s cute when people say “just take Benadryl” when they don’t know how bad the allergies are.

Which leads me to the question, how bad are the allergies? Have you attempted shots?

This would be a tough scenario for me. I see an allergist, get shots, the whole nine yards and I’ll get stuffy being around someone who has cat hair on their shirt. If I go to their house, I can’t breathe properly and my throat closes up within half an hour. So no, I couldn’t “just deal with it” if I moved into a house with cats. If your allergies are like that I can understand how hard this could be in a relationship. On the flip side, I can absolutely understand someone not wanting to re-home their cats.

Do you think you can go another ten years not living together? If not, this might not be the relationship for you.

Post # 47
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

MrsBeck :  but see, if her allergies are that bad, she never should have started dating someone with cats! So the best advice we can offer is Benadryl, regular brushing and such. If those help, allergies are no longer an excuse to rehome them. If those aren’t sufficient, well then that’s on her for dating a guy with cats in the first place and the cats are not the ones that should suffer. It’s a deal breaker for her and she knew it from the start. It’s her SO’s fault too for not making sure she’s okay with cats right off the bat. 

Post # 48
Member
7381 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

dobby98 :  I don’t disagree with that. I never came across a scenario where I met a potential partner with a pet but I imagine it would be a deal breaker for me.

Many people phrase it like “take meds that’s all you have to do and you’ll be fine” instead of asking OP what she has done to help the allergies. I would hope she has tried taking Benadryl before, seems like the first step. I also meet quite a few people in real life who suggest that to me and it gets so annoying. Like don’t you think I already thought of that?

TBH, it almost seems like her not liking the cats is the primary reason and allergies are secondary which is why I was trying to find out how bad the allergies actually are.

Post # 49
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

MrsBeck :  agreed, I feel like she’s looking for a reason to justify rehoming the cats. If her allergies or her daughter’s were truly really bad and/or life threatening, I feel like that’d be mentioned in the post. Not to mention, people that are so severely allergic often cannot interact closely with those that own cats which would be a very hard situation between two significant others. A co-worker or such doesn’t require close physical contact typically. But an SO does so… we definitely need more clarification from OP 

Post # 50
Member
6087 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’d side eye anyone who got rid of their pets because a boyfriend or girlfriend expected it. You would be out of line to request that (and your friend is flat out wrong- don’t take relationship advice from her. She’s going to get you dumped.)

I do think that it sounds like your boyfriend has pretty much given his cats free reign of his home and that isn’t creating a welcoming environment for guests (especially those with allergies). I’ve got a cat. He is not allowed on tables or counters or on my bed (certainly not IN my bed). It seems like your boyfriend should be able to make some adjustments to make the environment less uncomfortable (if he cared to) but as a PP said- depending on the severity of your allergies, there’s Benadryl if you are trying to remain with him. Also, you can request but you are not in a place to be making demands. I had a friend with 4 cats. I think animals on counters and around food is disgusting. She didn’t. After finding fur in my food, I decided not to eat at her place but we remained friends.

Regarding the fact that you live with your parents but “would like to live with your boyfriend”- has he even invited you to move into his home? What has HE said about your allergies and his cats? I had a boyfriend who thought he should have a key to my apartment; I clarified for him that if I’d meant for him to have a key, I would already have given him one. Are you inviting yourself to move into this person’s home and already plotting the changes you intend to make to suit yourself?

Post # 51
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

People who don’t like animals or are mean to animals says a lot about them as a person. Just saying 

Post # 52
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

She who cannot afford her own housing needn’t be demanding of those who offer to share theirs.

Post # 53
Member
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I would never ask someone to re-home their pet unless their pet was a dangerous animal (like a dog that attacks or bites causing injury). My husband has allergies to cats and dogs. Guess what, I had a cat when we met and we just adopted a dog. His allergies vary with dogs, short hair dogs are the worst for his allergies. So we adopted a doodle, which is a cross-breed and hypo-allergenic. 

As far as the cat, when we met, he would have reactions when he came to visit and always took Benedryl. Over time, his allergies lessened and he doesn’t have to take anything any longer to be around our cat. 

I’ve also heard of the allergy shots, which if you are committed to the relationship, I would consider. My husband was going to do these if his symptoms didn’t improve on their own. So, I would agree with others. How bad are your allergies? 

Post # 54
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Sorry but your friend gave you bad advice. 

If having cats is a boundary for you, then you aren’t compatible. 

Pet people have pets because pets are their soul. It’s what makes them them. It’s not a hobby. And even if it was, I would never give up weight lifting because someone told me to. I would break up with them. 

It’s a hard truth, but it’s reality. It’s 100% unfair to ask your bf to part with his babies, even if you don’t like them. They’re not yours. They’re his. 

Post # 55
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Oh hells no those cats are family! I don’t like kids but I wouldn’t ask you to give up ur kid for me now would I? I’d dump someone the second they asked me to give up my cat. Get over it or get a new relationship. 

Post # 56
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - City, State

I’m going to get jumped on for saying this, but I sympathise with you.

Not everyone is a pet person. I really like animals, but don’t want them on my furniture. I’m OCD, allergic and have asthma.

When I met my fiance, we dated for a while long distance and I didn’t realise he had a cat to begin with. Then there was the suggestion that once his ex got a place of her own (she was living with friends), she would take the cat. That didn’t happen.

His cat is very sweet and well behaved, but I didn’t want a pet. The responsibility, the financial drain should something happen to her, the general ick factor, the itchy eyes and blocked sinuses *shudder*.

I have to suck it up, because while I hate having an animal on my work surfaces, he loves her and she is fun to have around in other ways. 

I think this is the kind of place you are going to have to get to if your relationship is going to work out. Yes, you really don’t want a pet and yes, it will drive you mad and you’ll be having allergy shots out the wazoo, but your boyfriend loves those cats. You don’t want him to be sad and hurt and miss them forever, despite what you might say in the heat of the moment. Focus on that and try to work through it.

Oh and get the kind of cat litter that is flushable, it makes so much difference!

Post # 57
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Home

If I was dating a guy and he told me to get rid of my cat or dog I would laugh in his face. That’s a deal breaker.

Post # 58
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

How would you feel if he asked you to get rid of your kid? Pets are family that we are responsible for. It’s crazy selfish for you to ask him to get rid of them. It’s reasonable to ask for a compromise, like keeping the cats out of the bedroom.

Post # 59
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I hate cats. I’m also allergic. I would NEVER ask someone to rehome their pets. If they can rehome a pet, they’ll get rid of you just as easy (apart from changes that could not be forseen) 

My husband knew my dog came before him. He’s good with it. 

Post # 60
Member
3066 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

Ok, I’m the minority here but some of these responses are so harsh! I had a cat but had to move in with my grandmother who was sick for a few months before she died and she was allergic. So I got rid of the cat. It was never a question and she never asked me to. I did it because I loved her and wanted her to be comfortable. No big deal. I guess I’m heartless. Lol. 

I understand the difference because it was me with the cat going into her home. I love my animals (as I type, my chihuahua is snoring in my lap and kitty is asleep on her perch) but at the end of the day, they’re just animals. If it came between them and someone I loved, and there was no solution, the pets go. Again, different situation, but I had a family member euthanize a dog that bit someone. And another rehomed her dog after it was aggressive toward her kids. People are more valuable than animals. I’m sure the lynch mob will follow shortly but it’s just how I feel.

Having said that, it would be nice to hear from the OP about the severity of the allergies. Are they manageable for her and her daughter? My cousin, for example, is extremely allergic. She can’t even set foot in my house without her throat swelling shut. In cases like that, there’s an exception. 

Also, everyone talks about it being a dealbreaker from date 1. But not everyone meets, shakes hands and threatens the demise of the relationship if they are or aren’t an animal lover. I mean, people can fall for each other rather quickly and the animal ordeal isn’t really in the forefront of their brains. I think it’s unfair to call the OP a selfish heartless monster, and I don’t blame her if she ghosts the thread. Geez…

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