Post # 1
Help! I am writing because I need opinions from people who are not family!
Here’s the scoop :
About 3 months ago (October 11th) my Future Father-In-Law passed away :(. It has been a rough go to say the least. So when this happened, my fiance (boyfriend at the time) and I relocated to his home town for a month. We lived with his grandparents and his mom, while he worked on his moms house (it was in the process of getting renovating, additions and all), and I worked at the family business. So a month (A bit over, maybe a month and a half) of non grieving since there has been people around us for so long. When we get back home,(mid novemberish)my sister who lived in a different city, has no where to stay. So we offer up our home.
I told her the conditions were she look for a plce. Well no such luck. You see she is going to vietnam in Feb (Feb 12th) and sees no point in finding a place before then. My fiance told me he doesn;t want her staying with us when she gets back, as she has made no initiative to find a place, or job before leaving. He also really wants life to get back to normal. We’ve been go go go, and around people, with lack of privacy for 3 months now, with only one week of “alone” time.
Should I allow her to come back after her trip and side with her (as I know her feelings are hurt) or should I side with my fiance?
Post # 3
I’m very close to my sister and would want to give her a place to stay if she needed it, but I know Fiance wouldn’t be too happy with it, especially after what you’ve been through and wanting privacy.
If she’s not looking for a place because she’s taking advantage of having a place to stay, I would probably side with Fiance, but if she was truly looking and having a hard time, then I’d take sister’s side.
Post # 4
Well thants the thing. She isn’t looking for a place, because she is going to Vietname. She can;t afford both the trip and a place.
Post # 5
How long would it normally take her to find a place after she returns? Maybe you can talk to your Fi and agree that you’ll give her 2 weeks after she returns to find a place, or something like that.
Post # 6
Well I’m an only child so I don’t understand the whole sibling dynamic thing so I would side with your Fiance. Its his home too and he should have a say in whether or not she stays there.
Post # 7
How long will she be in Veitnam? Is it just a vacation? (For some reason when I first read your post, I assumed she’d be moving there for several months, haha.)
Did you ever give her a deadline for moving out, before she moved in? I think if you DO decide to let her stay post-Veitnam, it would be wise to have a very serious talk with her before she leaves about her timeline. Maybe consider putting it in writing or asking her to pay rent/chip in for bills.
I understand not wanting to throw your sister out on the her bum, but I also think your husband has a valid point – your home needs to be a place where the two of you can build your new family of two, and having someone living with you beyond their invited welcome cuts into that!
Post # 8
Definitely your fiance. When you decide someone is amazing enough to spend your life with, they always (unless some extraordinary situation occurs) come first. And considering your sister agreed to certain terms when she moved in and didn’t keep her side, too bad, so sad. Her finances are not your responsibility. Good luck!
Post # 9
Is Vietnam for work, or vacation? If it’s vacation, it sounds irresponsible of her to spend money like that without having a roof over her head. If it is for work, then I think you should talk to Fiance about letting her stay after the trip utnil she finds a place.
But honestly, it is FIs home ,too, and if he says she needs to go, then she needs to.
Post # 10
To be honest I don’t see the point of her looking for a place either, especially if she is not looking to own. I would try to get your Fiance to understand your sisters situation. When is she planning on returning from Vietnam? I would definitely house my sister, whatever the case so I guess I’m biased??
Post # 11
@Cash000: She can’t afford both the trip and a place.
I’m siding with your Fiance. If she cannot afford both the trip and a place now, it is unlikely for her to afford a place after the trip (not until she find a job). Then again, what happens if can’t find a job after she comes back?
You mentioned she’s going to Vietnam, I’m assuming you are Vietnamese. I understand in our culture we feel obligated to have family members live with us and would look like the bad guy if we kick them out. However, you have to do with what’s best for you, can’t please everyone.
Post # 12
Do you have a spare room that she can at least stay for a week or two? I’m vietnamese also..but more than that if my sister or FI’s sisters were to be in need for a place to stay, I wouldn’t necessary turn them away.
Post # 13
I think you need to give her a definite move-out date. Why couldn’t she stay with your parents?
Post # 14
If it were me I would let my sister stay after she came back but with a time limit (but then again I am really bad with babying my sister- I can’t help it I’ve been doing it for 19 years lol)