Post # 1
So, yesterday SO mentions that he went to a jewelry store on Friday “just to look.” He said that the man (from whom he bought my ring last year) was pressuring him talking about how Valentine’s Day was coming up and so on. SO said he told the man he would probably be back soon.
Then, I walk into SO’s office and catch him on the computer… looking at jewelry. Unfortunately, he was NOT looking at rings. He was looking at bracelets. From where I was standing, I really couldn’t tell whether they were men’s or women’s because they were just diamond bracelets that looked like they could go either way, and I really didn’t look long because I was instantly bummed.
I know this is going to sound totally bratty, but if he gets me some jewelry that is not a ring I am going to be REALLY upset. He doesn’t need to keep buying me jewelry knowing that all I want is a ring. It’s a tease and coupled with his comments about “a surprise” just really going to not be a pleasant day. Yes, I realize how bratty and ungreatful I sound, but you guys understand, right?
Plus, all I’ll be thinking about is how that is money that could have been spent on a ring and now money that will not be going towards a ring. Not to mention the fact I I generally don’t wear anything more than earrings and that stupid ring he got me last year (which I only wear to make him happy), so if he does get something like that I’d harldly ever wear it. Seems like it’d be a waste of money… he’d be better off getting me a purse or a new cell phone.
I hate this whole waiting process with a passion.
Post # 3
After reading your post about the ring he got you last year, I feel awful for you! I’m guessing he didn’t learn from how much of a tease that was for you then?? Did you let him know that any jewelry that wasn’t an engagement ring was a huge disappointment for you??
Post # 4
I’m with you. It’s terrible to know that you’ll be upset if you get jewelry that isn’t a ring, and double terrible to feel guilty about feeling upset about it. Yes, it might seem bratty or ungrateful to some, but we can’t help the way we feel, right? Right. And at least we’re self-aware enough to realize that feeling that way isn’t the best of behaviors. I, too get upset, (but thank God I’ve been able to not say it outright to the SO) when money goes towards things that I think could be going towards an engagement ring. Not important stuff like bills, but frivolous things that I feel could wait a while. Sigh. Why are some men so clueless sometimes?
Post # 5
I actually would be okay with a Pandora’s bracelet, but that’s about it. No, I haven’t let him know it would be a huge disappointment to get jewelry other than a ring because that will just cause an argument, most likely. He truly just doesn’t “get it.” I know from his point of view he will just feel like I’m being ungreatful and a brat. His feelings will be hurt that it’s “not good enough,” you know?
I’m glad I’m not the only one and that someone else understands how I feel. Yes, I realize this is not the best way to feel in the world, but it is how I feel. Like you said, if it were money spent on bills or something like that it would be one thing, but spending good money on something that is friviolous and not a ring just seems so not cool. Hopefully he’ll talk to someone who will tell him that after last year’s jewelry fiasco he may want to reconsider the jewelry gift idea.
Post # 6
Oh gosh. I totally feel for you. I remember reading about the ring and thinking “how awful!” I mean he can’t really be THAT clueless can he?!
And now I’m thinking the same thing: “He can’t be so clueless that he talks to you about a ‘surprise’ and knows you want a ring and instead is getting you a bracelet!”
Maybe just straight up tell him that you don’t want any more jewelry unless it’s a ring?
I don’t think you sound bratty at all, and I totally understand!
Post # 7
@CurlyDreamer: I feel your pain, I really do. For our 4 year anniversary, I got a new promise ring. To replace the promise ring I received for our 1 year anniversary [it doesn’t fit me anymore]. The gesture was nice, yes, don’t get me wrong. But I, like you, have wanted to get engaged for quite some time now. So to receive that other jewelry, felt like a bit of a slap in the face. I’m like you, I’d prefer he spend the money on something unrelated that I’d really love, rather than some other piece of jewelry [ie: bracelet/necklace].
I agree with Taylor4, I’m even considering doing that myself. While yes, its most definitely the thought that counts… if moving forward and receiving that e-ring from him is literally the only thing that you REALLY want… I’d be flat out honest with your SO and just say something along the lines of you’d really love if he not give you any more jewelry unless it is THE ring [obviously in a nicer way, don’t want to completely crush his ego, I’m sure he already feels bad knowing you’ve wanted to get engaged for a while & he hasn’t stepped up to the plate yet].
This way it avoids the heartbreak. I’m sure it may still be there, and you may still be disappointed , but at least BOTH you and your SO will know what’s what and can relax.
Keep us updated!
Post # 8
I hope he’s not that clueless. I mean, it totally could be a coincidence but still… lol.
Post # 9
I understand the feeling. My BF classifies all jewelry together, as in costume-y beach jewely on the ame level as what I consider “nice” jewelry. To this day, he hasn’t gotten me anything that’s “real” except one turquoise necklace last year for our anniversary, and some assorted sterling necklaces over the years (and a mood ring, but not offered on one knee). Granted, he’s not been able to find full time work until 3 years ago, and he’s gotten me some nice gifts, including a violin and a bike, but of course I’m disappointed when it’s not a proposal.
I think that’s part of why, while I can understand the frugality and cost-effectiveness of a CZ ring, I want SOMETHING that’s “real”, like my birthstone which is still cheaper but it’s “real”. No offense to any ladies who love CZ, I’ve just lost the tast for them because of my mom’s bling-y ones from the 80s and I want at least one nice piece of jewely for once.
That said, I encourage you to find a way to let your BF know to not get you anyhting that will “look” like a ring, EVER, for any holiday/birthday/occassion unless it’s an e-ing, as no matter how wonderful it is, if it’s not a proposal, you will not be able to help being disappointed. No small boxes, velvet or otherwise. If he gets you earrings, put them in something else. This is a rule of my friend’s, and it helped her get trhough 8 years of gift giving while finishing school.
Also, i you think he’s not bought anyhting yet, give him some hints about anyhtign non-jewelry oriented you’ like to do that day, instead. I think a big part of the sting is that he’s willing to buy you pretty jewelry, just not thepiece you REALLY want… it’s like a tease in a way. So avoiding jewelry altogether might help you feel better about what he gets you.
Post # 10
That’s annoying. I completely know what you mean. My SO left a browser up this last week with the necklace page up. While this would be the first piece of jewelry he’s getting me (if he actually ordered it), it’s annoying thinking that they are so close but so far away from what you want. 🙂 I know you feel a little disappointed but I guess the silver lining is that he loves you enough to get you pretty things from time to time.