(Closed) Caught husband masturbating in the shower. Unsure of how to react…

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Are you ok with your parter masturbating?
    I am totally fine with it. I know details about my partner's self-love and completely accept it. : (471 votes)
    56 %
    I know my partner masturbates but prefer not to know details. It's just a biological need. : (215 votes)
    26 %
    I am not sure if my partner masturbates. I'd be fine either way though. : (99 votes)
    12 %
    I am not sure if my partner masturbates and I don't want to know. But I'd be upset if they did. : (57 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    14495 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Darling Husband does, eh, no biggy.  Have you concidered just jumping into the shower with him and having fun with it?  I totally would.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    Hmmmm, I guess I know Darling Husband did before we got married but I’m not sure about since then. As long as it isn’t detracting from intimacy between the two of you – I would be ok with it. But if he’s turning you down because he’s already satisfied himself, that’s no fun!

    Flip it around – do you self-pleasure at all? I think it’s fine for partners to do so, as long as they are still maintaining a healthy sex life with both of them. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    591 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.

    Maybe surprise him in the shower next time? If he is in the mood already… it may be a nice way to spice things up. 

     

    I don’t think it is a big deal though. I think it’s just something that guys do. If you feel insecure about your sex life, start by talking about it. At a time when you are not having sex. Just a conversation. I would ask him if he has any fantasys that is a good conversation starter. 

    Best of luck!

    Post # 6
    Member
    7293 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I always thought that thats where guys did it if they did, since its private with easy clean up . My older brother, his friends, popular media and guys in college always seem to act like its somethign they constantly do and with or without a girlfriend.

    I personally am not comfortable with masturbation (like talking at length and details about each others self pleasure), but I do know that its not always intented for somethign like my woman doesn’t satisfy me, its more of a habit in combination with a release. Plus for some if they do it before sex, they can last longer.

    Have you talked to him about it???

    Post # 7
    Member
    5221 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I know it feels weird to know that they’re having alone  time… but I wouldn’t let it worry you and definitely don’t feel insecure about your sex life! Him having a little self love every so often could actually improve your sex life and his sexual appetite.

    Post # 8
    Member
    380 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    Maybe the next time you catch him you should join in, that’s what I would do. Wanking it isn’t ooky, it’s natural and sometimes people get hot when no one else is there it “help” so yea you should just go with. Maybe open a dialogue about it with you partner so you can more comfortable about the subject.

    Post # 9
    Member
    9056 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I voted I know details, but I don’t know like… SUPER details if you know what I mean.  I assume most people do it, so it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.  Bathtubs’s a great place to do it because it’s so easy to clean up!

    Post # 10
    Member
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I’ve actually sent my Fiance to do this, hahaha.  I wouldn’t worry about it!  Do you….never do that?  If not, that’s ok.  Just trust that it’s normal – he’s probably thinking about you, anyway. 😉

    And I agree, as long as it’s not taking away from him doing it with you, it’s ok!

    Post # 11
    Member
    112 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    All depends on a couples intimacy, IMO.  I understand if my fiance and I hadn’t been intimate in awhile (due to illness, whatever) and he needed release.  But if he wasn’t seeking me out, and masturbating by himself, I’d probably be worried about it and it’d warrant a talk.

    Post # 12
    Member
    46376 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think masturbation is part of a normal healthy sex life.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2227 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I know Mr Rugbee does it & his favourite type of audiovisual accompaniment but he’s very sneaky(or shy?): We’ve lived together for almost 2 years & I’ve still never caught him with his pants down, so to speak.

    Post # 14
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I really wouldn’t worry about it unless you are dissatisfied with other aspects of your sex life.

    Darling Husband and I are very open about it. If I had to guess, he does it 3x a week or so. Definitely less than I do, in any case. Embarassed But we have fantabulous and frequent sex. I think the vast majority of young/middle aged guys probably masturbate somewhat frequently even if they have great and satisfying sex lives. Sometimes you want a three course meal and sometimes you just want a snack, you know?

    Post # 15
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I wouldn’t worry at all. He probably was in the shower when he felt the urge and decided to go with it. I say talk to him about it. A husband and wife should have the kind of intimacy where you feel open to talk about that stuff. Sure, it can be awkward, but still feel open and safe with your husband. 🙂

    If it were me, I’d totally poke my head in and ask if he wants help, haha. But seriously, probably just something in the moment turned him on and he went for it. No big deal.

    Post # 16
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    completely normal. and your response is normal too. pardon the pun, but u have to get the balls, and just talk to him about it. if you are starting to feel self conscience about ur abilities, it will ony get worse with time if u don’t discuss it.

     

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