(Closed) Caught Wind of Shower….Way too lavish and exensive for my maids…what to do??

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@SBrosnan:  I would say something.  Mention that you are a simple gal, and it means the world to you to have your closest friends celebrate with you in a low key way that isn’t going to break the bank.  And that you don’t want them to feel the need to go overboard, because the most important thing is spending time, not money, with you.  I hope they will understand and I bet that they’ll be secretly relieved!

Post # 4
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would politely say something.

Post # 5
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d butt in…

BUT that is because I am an Etiquette Snob… and I’d point out to the Maid/Matron of Honor that “social events” such as a Shower don’t impose a Cover Charge for Guests.

I take it from your post and the statement…

” shower is costing $200 per person for 9 people”

That this is what is happening… the Maid/Matron of Honor is organizing something, and then charging each girl this $ 200 to participate.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

As a Host, one should organize an event, that they can afford… and then be pleased if the Invited People decided to attend, and if they choose to bring a gift all the better.


The role of the Host is ALWAYS to make their Guests feel Welcome, valued and considered… not awkward, uncomfortable, or broke !!

IMO you are well within your rights to butt in and tell your Maid/Matron of Honor that what she is doing is not proper etiquette, and therefore could potentially make YOUR FRIENDS feel uncomfortable (and you as well as the Guest of Honour).  She needs to go back to the drawing-board and revise this or change the event totally to be one that is more Guest friendly.

Hope this helps,


Post # 6
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d say – stay out.  The shower is supposed to be a surprise and you’re not supposed to know how much people spent, I’m assuming.  Tell the maids that are spending too much to tell the Maid/Matron of Honor, or whomever is planning it, to see if they can cut the cost somewhere.  You’re right – they’re adults.  They can speak up for themselves. 

Post # 7
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’d tell the girls who can’t afford it to speak up louder for themselves. THEY need to say to the Maid/Matron of Honor, “I really can’t afford this right now, so I’m either going to not have to attend, or else I will only be able to contribute $X, or I’d be glad to help you plan another less expensive shower.”

They’re YOUR friends, (or also friends of MOH?) So if you encourage them to do this, then hopefully they will realize there is no risk that they will lose your friendship- and why should they care what the Maid/Matron of Honor thinks of them? (Assuming they’re good friends with you and more acquaintances with Maid/Matron of Honor.)

Post # 9
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Thanks for the UPDATE.

YES having more info is helpful.

In that case, yes it does change my opinion.

I agree with the others.  IF they are all acting as the HOSTS and the $ 200 isn’t towards a gift, but rather the cost of organizing / hosting the party… and they aren’t just being the Guests… then they need to talk to the Maid/Matron of Honor themselves, and tell her that the current design doesn’t fly for them…

If they were just Guests, they could otherwise quite easily opt out of attending.  That is what a lot of folks do when they receive an Invite that has gone against proper Etiquette by imposing a Cover Charge (sad but true, there are people who actually have events like Showers and TELL the Guests that they need to bring CASH to cover the cost of the event / gift)

Hope this helps,


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