(Closed) CBC Bees: When Friends Become Parents

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@AvaAdore:  Hey there!  DH and I are also CBC, and my fear is more the opposite, where you say you’ll want to align yourself with friends of simlar lifestyles, I think my TTC and parent-friends will spend less time with us and more time with other parents and I’ll lose all my friends ๐Ÿ™  

Post # 5
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@AvaAdore:  Do you not enjoy spending time with kids so much that you would exclude yourself from events where the kids were involved?  I think it’s just a fact of life for us *shrug* *sigh* ๐Ÿ™

Post # 6
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think that’s a legitimate fear.  My best friend and I live about 5 hours apart, and ever since she found out we were trying to get pregnant, she’s been pretty much all but absent, telling me she needs to find friends that are actually going to be around, despite me telling her I have no intention to discontinue our friendship over her lack of children.  We had infertility issues, so it took us almost 2 years to conceive, during which time I drove (5 hours) to see her about 12 times only to have her cancel most of our plans when I arrived, stating she was invited out by friends with “more long term potential”, and had to make an investment in those relationships by saying yes to them despite my efforts.  Even if I contacted her months in advance she’d tell me that she was giving these other CBC friends “rights of first refusal, up until X date”.  It’s gotten to the point now that we talk semi-frequently, but I’m not really interested in putting too much effort in either, so I guess… self fulfilling prophecy.

Post # 7
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@AvaAdore:  We feel the same way as you as your partner. Absolutely no kids for us, and it would be just fine if we never had to spend time around any either. I have, on rare occasion,  enjoyed the company of particularly smart or well behaved children, but mostly I find them inane, noisy, and drippy with stuff I don’t want on me. My best friend is undecided about kids, and may remain CBC, but I’ve come to terms with the idea that if she does have them, we’ll probably drift apart. It’s sad, but like you, I’ve slowly lost other friendships over shifts in priorities and circumstances. I guess I just think of that as a part of life. No advice here, just commenting to say I completely understand. 

Post # 8
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

@AvaAdore:  My SO and I are also CBC, although he has two grown children who have until the last year lived with their mother across the country. I can honestly say as an older couple, I’m 35 and he’s 40, that you only somewhat drift from your close friends as they begin to have children. Typically, we see these friends (and they are mostly my friends as I’m younger) about once or twice a month. Our closest friends, however, are also childless. Yes, you will drift, but your lives in general will have different priorities as you age, and your friends age and have children. The friendship does not need to die, rather it will change.

Post # 10
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

FH and I are CBC. I’ve never had many friends and the two that I do have, have children. I’ve only really maintained a decent relationship with one of them. The other seems to forget that I would like to talk about something other than her child, so our conversations (she lives two hours away) are few and far between, at least they were until she worked out a custody agreement with her ex husband. Usually when I call her I get about 5 minutes of converation followed by about 30 of her kid screaming and her screaming at him. We’ve drifted quite far apart in the last four years despite my attempts to spend time with her. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen her without her child and I REALLY don’t like her kid. At all. Now that her ex gets her kid, I get to see her more often and do nice, adult things. It’s hard. My other friend however, is great. I talk to her on a regular basis and we spend time together and always have. Her having a child didn’t really do anything to our friendship.

I suppose it depends on each person. 

Post # 12
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@AvaAdore:  I don’t have kids but love them so I supppose that is why my friendships aren’t affected by children.

I would say perhaps make new friends?

Post # 13
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@AvaAdore:  Haha yeah, I hear that… The silver lining is that the people who would consider us heartless bastards over this are not people I’d want to be friends with. My heart is indeed present, and full of love for my pets, my Fiance, my family, and my friends. Children are just one type of lovable creature in this world, and they’re not for everyone.

Maybe you could start reaching out to some new friends now, just to cushion the transition. Not to say you’ll lose your friends, but new friends can’t hurt. I know meetup.com lists a group in my area for CBC couples who get together for happy hour, bowling, or other activities on the weekends. You might try searching for a similar gathering in your area, and scope out the local CBC pool ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 16
Member
10573 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I worry about this when it comes to moving.  I grew up being close with our neighbours.  I would like to have that when we buy a house, but we will be buying in a family friendly area.  Since we don’t have kids, I don’t know how easy it will be as parents tend to stick together within a neighbourhood.

The topic ‘CBC Bees: When Friends Become Parents’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors