Cease and desist to MIL

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 3
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ive never been in this situation so I’m not sure if that’s the best route to go but minimally, I would say yes. A legal paper trail is not a bad thing. If she doesn’t abide by the ceist and desist, you can take it a step further. 

This is an awful situation and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with it. 

Post # 4
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Holy crap on a cracker Bee, she’s one hell of a crazy person. 

If Darling Husband is for it, I would absolutely go C&D, and move to a full blown restraining order if she doesn’t comply. 

I am so sorry that you and your husband have to deal with this. It must be horrible for him – his only mother – to be acting this way, but I commend him for his own cool head. Kudos to you for staying strong and mature through this, because she clearly isn’t.

Post # 7
573 posts
Busy bee

I would personally skip straight to that restraining order seeing as how she’s kind of putting his job in a precarious position what with her visits but if he would prefer to start with a C&D, that’s fine as well.


Post # 8
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Honestly I’d go straight for the restraining order.  She’s not going to go quietly – a C&D doesn’t really have a lot of legal standing and I suspect she’ll ignore it entirely and you’ll have to go to the RO anyway, so don’t waste time and go straight for it.

Also, start practising situational awareness.  She’s likely to escalate and you’ll be the target; get cameras at home (they’re not expensive and you can get motion sensor ones which send a notification to your phone when motion is detected); be safe when walking to and from your car at work, if your carpark isn’t secure (can someone walk with you?); get in your car and lock the doors before opening the garage door at home; tell your workplace that your batshit crazy Mother-In-Law is harassing you and your husband, give them a photo and tell them she might come in.

You might find more useful suggestions over at the Reddit sub r/JUSTNOMIL – the posters there have seen it all with insane MILs and are really helpful.

Post # 9
325 posts
Helper bee

Your mother in law sounds like an absolute nightmare!

That said, I would caution you to get legal advice first. What you have described would not entitle you to a restraining order in many, if not most, jurisdictions because there is no credible threat of violence. Moving for a restraining order and having it denied could just embolden her. So, you really should talk to a lawyer and get some advice before moving forward.

I wish you the best! I can’t stand my Mother-In-Law – she is a compulsive liar and a really crappy person, but she is no where near as bad as this. I’m sorry bee. 

Post # 10
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

If he agreed to go to therapy with her do you think she might calm down a little?  I’ve got to imagine that it’s pretty traumatic for a mother to be completely cut off from her son, whether it’s her own crazy fault or not.  It sounds like they desperately need therapy anyway.  This is not an issue she has with you, even though she’s projecting it that way.  She’s clearly deeply disturbed within herself and needs to learn how to establish appropriate boundaries with her adult child.  It’s good to know that she’s even thinking of seeking professional help, it means she does want a solution.  Maybe the best way around this is through it?

Post # 11
12217 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I have no doubt your mother in law has major issues but I also think you badly mishandled the incident at the wedding. No she should not have brought someone uninvited, and yes, it was rude, but it would have been far more gracious on your part not to contribute to such a ridiculous scene which essentially ruined your wedding day. I mean it was a park. 

It would be one thing if she brought someone you specifically don’t want anything to do with, but if this person was invited to your reception that is clearly not the case. Was it really worth it?

I understand wanting a simple ceremony and not wanting to make any exceptions, but if anyone asked you could honestly say you had no idea this person would be there. 

Then to ban both of them from the reception? Unless I’m missing something you seem to have picked quite a time after all those years to finally snap. It seemed like an overreaction. 

Showing up at your husband’s office is not cool, though, and neither is spreading gossip and lies. 

Family counseling is long overdue. 

Post # 12
1042 posts
Bumble bee

aybeecee :  that is a terrible idea. There is a reason people tell abuse victims to not go to therapy with their abusers. 

There is a good chance her therapist has a unicorn for “mother’s” and will spin what the son is doing as horrible and selfish and to push for reconciliation. 

Post # 14
12217 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

lemonsandlife71 :  OK, consider me convinced. The truth is she shouldn’t have been there at all. 

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