Post # 1
Hello Fellow Bees!
I could use some advice as I am not sure what to do about a certain situation and I don’t want to breach any etiquitte rules or upset any people.
My potential problem is because 2 of our guests will be celebrating their birthdays on our wedding day. I have no problem with this, in fact I think it’s great and more reason to celebrate….
However…… members of my bridal party (and also relatives of 1 of the birthday girls) would like us to make special mention of the birthdays during the wedding. My Fiance and I already intended to mention them in our speech and present them with a cake (one is turning 60 and the other is 45). BUT…. this apparantly isn’t “good enough”. I have been asked to make mention in our wedding programmes of their birthdays including pictures of the birthday girls as well as invite the families of both of the birthday girls (which would equal around 10 extra people).
Personally I thought that we were doing enough by mentioning the birthdays, giving them each a cake and maybe singing “Happy Birthday” but I have the distinct feeling that is “not good enough”.
Any thoughts or suggestions. The last thing I want/need is members of my bridal party upset and angry over this!
Post # 3
Honestly I think you are doing more than enough with a cake. I think its going overboard to put birthday info in wedding programs and have to invite their families as well. These ladies are old enough that they understand it’s your wedding, not their birthday party and they can always not attend if they would rather attend a birthday party on their behalf, or celebrate another day.
I would feel uncomfortable as a guest with all the birthday stuff if I did not know the birthday girls. It’s a wedding and since you are gracious enough to acknowledge them with a cake or a song, I think that’s plenty.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
@Pupperoni: Totally agree.
Post # 5
I was only going to do a corsage and mention by the band. Your wedding is not their birthday party. If you want to compromise, maybe you can do more or at the rehearsal dinner.
Also, nothing is preventing them from having a nice breakfast to celebrate or from celebrating another day.
Post # 6
Pictures of the birthday girls? Seriously?
I have a friend getting married on my birthday, and I would never expect any mention of my birthday to occur at her wedding. I have a birthday every single year. My friend is only getting married once. Her wedding is no place for me to be worrying about my birthday.
That said, my maid of honor’s birthday is the same day as my rehearsal. I’ll get her a personalized cake, but I’m not making any big announcement. Nor would she want me to.
Post # 7
Thanks Ladies! I was hoping that a small mention of the birthdaya and cake would be enough.
I think I might have to cross my fingers that my wedding party doesn’t get any ideas to make a “surprise” birthday celebration in the middle of the reception in case they don’t agree with my decision!!!
Post # 8
lols and while you’re at it, put it on your invite and maybe change it from the fact that you are getting married to that you are throwing a birthday party for these people!
Tell your Bridesmaid or Best Man that birthdays happen every year and that you get married once!
Post # 9
Our best man’s b-day is on the rehearsal dinner night and so I found out his favorite dessert (ice cream sundaes) which we will have that evening, and plan on singing happy birthday. When Fiance told him that, he was like, “why? it’s your wedding…” I think that is most people’s response.
In fact, my birthday is two days before the wedding, and my plan is to just ignore it this year. If the bride doesn’t need to celebrate her birthday on/near her wedding, then certainly others shouldn’t have to! A small child’s would be one thing, but I think you’re being more than generous to include the things you’ve already mentioned for those guests.
Post # 10
WOW…when I read your post (before you mentioned their ages) I thought you were talking about little kids, for whom birthdays are more important. These people are adults?? What adult needs THAT much recognition on their birthday? I think you’re just fine doing the cake thing…that is kind and classy without directing all the attention towards them. That is crazy that people expect you to do more…
Post # 11
My twin Cousins are turning 30 on my wedding day…I said “sorry our wedding is on your Birthday, but I’ll buy your dinner and drinks all night!” 😉 We will have a small cake for each of them presented after we cut our cake…that is it. They were totaly cool with it.
Post # 12
I was just wondering this. For some reason, everyone in my family has a July birthday. We have multiple birthdays in the week prior, one on our wedding day, one after our wedding day. I can’t possibly get a cake for all (where do you stop!?), but not sure if I should single the one person out that has the birthday on the actual day of our wedding.
I like the idea of the band mentioning it, because it’s nice to make it a part of the party part of the wedding, rather than the wedding part.
Post # 13
@mrsmack: i know, right? I guess 45 and 60 could be considered milestone birthdays, but even then I wouldn’t insist on hijacking someone’s wedding to celebrate!
I wonder, though – what do the actual birthday girls think about all this? From your post, it sort of sounds like busybody family members think they’re doing the birthday gals a favor by insisting on the extra celebrations. Do the women in question actually want all this? Maybe they’d be more than happy with what you already have planned (which is VERY sweet of you!)…?
Post # 14
Wow! I think the cake for each is a little much. I would have stopped at mentioning it at the toast. I would definitely not include them in the programs.
Post # 15
Wow, that’s crazy to expect all that! You’re doing way more than enough to recognize them by mentioning them and providing a cake for each. Seriously, that is all the recognition they need – and your bridal party wants to include them in your program!?!?! WTF??? I’m absolutely floored by this suggestion.
At my wedding, we have my MOH’s birthday, a Bridesmaid or Best Man 5th wedding anniversary, and a GM’s 7th wedding anniversary (the Maid/Matron of Honor is my sis, the Groomsmen is my fiance’s bro). We’re celebrating all of them at the rehearsal dinner and are done with it. As someone said, a birthday/anniversary comes every year but our wedding comes once. And before I sound like a total bridezilla, all of the above people didn’t want any recognition at the wedding for that very reason and insisted if we do anything, it be done at the rehearsal dinner, not the actual wedding.
Wow, some people…. I really am shocked by their request!
Post # 16
Your wedding party is crazy. What you’re doing is already MORE than enough.