Post # 1
My friend brought up a concern with my relationship, and I would like some married Bee’s thoughts. Last minute, we are going to celebrate the Fourth of July apart. My aunt is in the hospital, and I don’t think she is going to make it, so I am flying out this weekend. I didn’t want to bring my fiance because I don’t want him to risk flying if he doesn’t have to during these times. Also, his parents live near us, so he still wants to do a BBQ with them. Also, my grandfather has severe dementia and doesn’t have many years left. My father wants us to fly out for Christmas to AR (COVID pending this), but we originally had plans to have my fiance’s side of the family over for Christmas. This would be our first Christmas as married, but I don’t want him to fly to AR when we said we would host some guests. Also, my family in AR is super racist and boring, and I want him to enjoy his holiday. But, is this bad that we are doing some holidays apart? Is this a bad way to start a marriage? My friend thinks so, and now, I’m confused on what to do. Obviously, no one would travel if COVID numbers are still crazy like it is currently during Christmas time. I can’t avoid flying this week though because my Mom is in absolute distress and says she needs me home.
Post # 2
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
I don’t think it’s an issue if you’re both ok with it. Marriage involves a lot of compromise, and when you have two families to deal with, sometimes it’s easier to do things individually.
Ive been with my husband for 8 years, and we’ve done Christmas separately a couple of times. It was easiest for keeping everyone happy, and we weren’t concerned.
If you’re really unhappy about it, that’s another story, but it doesn’t sound like a reason to worry imo
Post # 3
Your friend shouldn’t really interject on what is good, right or wrong in another’s marriage. Sorry, it just rubs wrong that her statements leave you with doubts.
You’ve made pretty key points for why you would celebrate separately, so if that’s what makes sense for the two of you and your families, it has nothing to say about your marriage or relationship.
Post # 4
Your friend needs to learn to keep their opinions to themself.
It’s only “bad” if it’s not something you both agree with and it’s going to leave one or more of you resentful of the other. Then you need to be working on your communication and compromising skills to come up with a solution where one of you won’t resent the other.
Otherwise, you do what’s best for the two of you and that’s no one else’s business but your own. No one’s marriage broke up just because they didn’t spend a holiday together. There are so many divorce/remarried/blended families out there that’s it’s nearly impossible to have one cohesive hoilday anymore. It usually requires spending time separately to get to everyone or celebrating at alternate times. December is basically one big long holiday to me at this point because between my family picking alternate dates to celebrate, my SO’s family picking alternate dates, it’s just one long never-ending holiday.
Eventually, the two of you will have to come to a compromise about how to spend holidays and figure it out – whether that’s celebrating every other year with one side or the other, or celebrating on alternate days before and after and just leaving the holiday proper for the two of you, whatever. But for this year considering COVID and ill family members – if you’re both in agreement then I don’t see the problem.
(Also, while the 4th of July is technically a holiday, I don’t exactly think a holiday primarily centered around drinking shitty beer and setting off explosives is something to get all up in arms and clutch ones pearls over if you’re not able to spend it with your spouse. You’re fine. I promise.)
Post # 5
Thanks for easing my concerns, Bees. I apperciate your responses and am going to close this. Thank you!