Post # 1
OK, so we just got married a few weeks ago (YAY!) and things have been great! Tonight, I casually mentioned “Oh we should get a family plan, we could save some money”. Husband was quite against it. Initially he said he felt it would just be a way for me to ‘control him and monitor who he talks to’… then he moved to that it really wouldn’t save much money… then he went to he feels its better to have plans that each meet our individual needs and we can change to be specific to what we use…. He talked a lot about me wanting everything ‘connected’ and ‘coupley’ but that it was ok to have some independence (I actually agree, so I’m not sure what he is talking about).
Before anybody gets started, this is not about cheating. I really don’t think he’s ‘hiding’ anything. We had some previous issues about him getting pictures from females but we’ve negotiated boundaries and honestly, i think he is respecting them (plus sharing a plan wouldn’t prevent him from doing anything anyways).
I just felt really odd about it. I don’t see why he’s so against it. I don’t necessarily think we HAVE to share a plan, but his strong reaction to it made me rather uneasy. Anywyas, I walked off because he was heated and getting rude. I’m pissed now… but at the same time, am I over reacting? Is it normal to want your own plan?
Post # 3
What are his reasons for not getting family plan? Do you guys have different providers? Is either of you on any kind of special plan that wouldn’t be available if you combined? I have a grandfathered unlimited data plan with Verizon and I wouldn’t give that up for anything in the world lol. So maybe something like that is a factor?
I don’t think that not having a joint plan is a big deal, but I agree it’s a little odd that he is so against it. If he doesn’t have some specific reason, then I don’t see what you lose by having a family plan. You can still get the same amount of minutes, texts, and data, you just pay less.
Post # 4
Darling Husband and I don’t share a plan. We both use carriers that the other despises. He is with AT&T and I am with T-mobile. I have been a TMo customer since I was 17 years old and the plan that I am on is not only cheap, but not even offered anymore and I would hate to lose it. Plus I love my Galaxy!
Darling Husband loves his iphone and is a huge at&t fan so he is never going to change carriers either. It really does not bother me one bit.
Post # 5
I think his reaction is rather odd. Why would he bring up you monitoring who he talks to? Is he perhaps talking to someone who he shouldn’t be? The fact that, that was his first response and he shifted reasons a few times would make me very uneasy.
Post # 6
I moved to DH’s plan because mom was paying for my old one. It also made sense for me to take over the plan account because I get a 20% discount through my employer. It would be odd to me if he didn’t want to get a family plan for reasons other than those the pps have mentioned.
Post # 7
That seems like a really weird reacyion on his part. I’d push him to try to tell you why, not angrily or accusingly, but I’d definitely be curious. It sounds like he may just be freaked about not wanting to become one of those guys who gets married and kind of loses any personal life. It doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything to make him feel that way, but it’s the only thing besides cheating that I can think of that would cause him to react in such a way. Did he have a buddy or something whose wife got all controlling once they were married and never wanted him talking to or hanging out with friends or something? Maybe wait a few months so he can see that marriage doesn’t really change that much or make you more controlling of his time/who he talks to/whatever, then bring it up again?
I voted no in the poll, but that’s only because Darling Husband has a phone his parents pay for through their group plan because he works for the family business.
Post # 8
We’re with the same provider… and I don’t think he would loose minutes, data, texting… If anything, I think we’d collectively get more. The only reasons he gave were the ramble he originally gave me:
– I’d “control” him
– We wouldn’t save enough money to be worth it
– It’s better to have plans that meet our individual needs
– Not everything has to be “coupley”
He also kept saying I was making ‘a big deal’ out of this, but I asked casually… and I wasn’t the one who got upset (though I’m not happy now). I just felt like he got so mad and started getting rude and argumentative. I just don’t see why he is so against it or why we can’t just even talk about it without him being so mad…
Post # 9
I think for a lot of people (not just men) it feels like an invasion of privacy, knowing someone can go through their phone logs anytime they want. Not that they have anything to Hide. It’s just somehow too private to share. For some, it’s email passworand that feel “too private”, and plenty of couples maintain personal bank accounts, either entirely or in conjunction with a joint account. If you’re not worried about him messing around, then i’d let it go. Pick your battles and all. Everyone needs to feel like they’ve got something personal and private, even if it’s just a phone bill. I know i’d probably feel the same way if Darling Husband ever asked for my credit card logins. I, not spending crazy money or buying stuff he doesn’t know about, but still, it’s my stuff and not his!
Post # 10
I find it really weird that he would react like that, unless, maybe, he thought he would have to switch providers or phones or something.
He’ll marry you, legally merging your lives and assets, but signing a cell phone contract with you is too much commitment? Bizarre. It’s not like you asked him to have a joint Facebook account with you or something.
Post # 11
I think the monitoring comment came from when he was getting the pictures from that female. I found out because I saw the picture on his phone. I pointed out to him that we came to an agreement on what would be acceptable in our relationship and I’ve trusted him to uphold that, he then has to trust that I’m not going to ‘try to catch him’ or snoop. He agreed, but I think that could be a factor here. I haven’t snooped on his phone, but I think because of that history, he is worried. I do trust that he is upholding our agreement. Plus, it’s not like I’d be able to tell whether he got inappropriate pics from a phone bill anyways. I guess that is where I think the comment came from… perhaps it’s a factor as to why he is so against it, but then he needs to trust me, like I’m trusting him. It can’t be one-way.
Post # 12
Price it out (at least come up with a reasonable estimate). Present him with the savings. 10 bucks a month is 120 bucks a year. Start the conversation from there. Heck, maybe he just hates talking to phone companies and was trying to come up with any and all reasons to not have to do it.
Honestly, thinking about sharing a plan makes me feel uncomfortable too (we don’t because we both have great plans with different carriers that we can’t add other people on to so this was never really an option). Not that I have anything to hide, it just feels like “overshare” – even though if he saw a statement on the table and flipped through it i wouldn’t care at all. I also believe in maintaining both joint and separate accounts though, so i might just be an odd one.
Post # 13
@sj8082: Thanks for explaining. His reaction is definitely odd. But I do know that a lot of men know the stereotype of the marriage with a controlling wife and a weak husband who always has to ask for permission to do anything. Sometimes they can get irrationally paranoid of having a marriage like that, so they cling to independence about things that really don’t matter. To clarify, he may not think that *you* are a controlling wife, but it’s more of a fear about marriage in general. Especially if you guys have just gotten married and are combining other things as well, he may feel like he is losing his independence or he doesn’t have anything that’s just his.
Since a joint cell phone plan really isn’t very important, I think the best way to deal is to leave it alone for awhile. Maybe in a few months when he’s had more time to adjust to marriage, he will be able to think about this rationally.
Post # 14
@sj8082: I too find his reaction really strange. If you save money, why NOT do it? (Plus the conveniece of one less bill to pay). How is being on the same account “couply”?
I’d like to think there’s another reason, but I can only understand his reaction if he has something to hide (or wants to be able to hide something in future). (Because by sharing plans you can usually see who he calls/texts, though not the contents of the texts).
By The Way I voted no, but we’d share plans if it saved us money.
Post # 15
We both have the same carrier, but our parents still pay ours on their family plans. When we get married, we will get a joint plan though.
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church
We had a shared plan for almost two years before getting engaged. We waited until the iPhone came to Verizon before getting a shared plan because I wanted an iPhone but he didn’t want AT&T after working for one of their call centers. It’s nice because I get 22% off through work.