(Closed) Ceremony discussion tomorrow w FILs. I’m going to throw up.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Just tune her out if she won’t listen. It’s not HER wedding. It’s yours. I ran into this a little bit with my family and being firm (and repeating “We will not get married in a church” as needed) did the trick. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Why would you cancel your wedding because she wants you to do something you don’t want to? I understand that it’s his mother, but this is the start of your life as a married couple and the start of your family. Her guidance can be excepted, but you need to do what makes you happy.  I wouldn’t let her get her way or control the situation now. You may end up with a controlling Mother-In-Law for your whole life if you let her push you into this now. Stand up for what you want and make sure Fiance stands firm with you. (((hugs))) 

Post # 6
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It sounds like you know what you want to do and I commend you for standing your ground.  I didn’t read the other thread in it’s entirety but I’m not sure why you need to discuss this with her at all?  The decision is yours (you and your FI) to make and it has been made.  I wouldn’t even talk with her about it.  If you tell her you’ve decided not to marry in a church and that you don’t want to discuss it and change the topic to something else, and she keeps coming back to it honestly I would back off from seeing her all together.  

Post # 7
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Ms. Martian: Well then lady if you don’t want one don’t have one! it doesn’t matter what your parents want either. Now is the time to start standing up for yourself! Have a small Destination Wedding or a courthouse ceremony and call it day! Good luck either way! 

Post # 8
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s all about YOU!!!  Do what YOU want!!! 🙂  Much love to you! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
7339 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Ms. Martian: That’s tough, I just read the other post. I think my only advice is to really stand your ground, this is your and your FI’s day after all. Is Fiance on your side? How does he feel about all of this? It is a tough decision but it’s yours to make and not your Future Mother-In-Law. I understand that you don’t want to ruin the relationship you have with her but it’s still your decision, she should be able to respect you for making it.

Post # 11
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

So I kinda see where your Future Mother-In-Law is coming from. My family is super traditionl in the “has to be in a church” wedding. BUT, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what YOU and your Fiance want.

My cousin recently got married and his Fiance is not Catholic and they were married outside on a golf course. Was his mom happy? No, she was not. But it wasn’t her wedding, it was theirs.

No matter what you do, someone is going to criticize your choices and voice disapproval. You and your Fiance need to make a decision together and stand your ground.

I don’t really think that meeting with your Future Mother-In-Law is going to help things. It sounds like she just wants an audience and will cry to try to get her way. I would just have your Fiance tell her that you guys have made a decision and that she will need to accept it in her own time.

Post # 12
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Ms. Martian: ((hugs)) Ugh hon that sucks. My dad is uber Catholic, and while I’m sure he would have loved to see me get married in a church, he respects the fact that we have differing viewpoints on religion and we have a healthy “agree to disagree” relationship on that area. This wedding is about you and Darling Husband, and if you two stick together as a team for what you want as a couple, then your Future In-Laws are just going to have to live with it. Being a people pleaser makes you a sensitive and generous person, but sometimes it can turn you into a human doormat (trust me I know) and there comes a point where you have to stand up for yourself and not get bullied into what someone else wants! You have to put yourself first every now and then, and I think this is one of those times. You don’t want to look back on this in 20 years and wonder why you ever agreed to a wedding you hated.

Post # 14
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think a Destination Wedding would be a good option for you. I don’t understand when people, even family think the wedding should be their way. It’s not YOUR wedding, back off!! Mother-In-Law really wanted us married in a church too. She’s not even that religious, I think it was more about appearances, all of DH’s cousins were married in a church. I never pictured myself getting married in a church, always outside in the summer. She wasn’t thrilled but we refused to budge on it. Once we booked the venue there wasn’t much she could say or do. Be strong! Do not give in. Have the wedding you want. My friend is a pastor’s daughter and her father married them. Even she didn’t get married in a church and no one had an issue with this.

Post # 15
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Why is she even a part of the conversation? It isn’t her wedding. It isn’t her life. It isn’t her decision to make.

Post # 16
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Sounds like you have a plan, just stick to it! Be very firm but gentle. Maybe if she presses, say something like, “I would really appreciate it if you allowed us to get married the way we want. I think I deserve it, since I don’t follow your beliefs but have gladly gone to church when asked, and pray before meals without any resistance. Could you please meet me half way on this?” Or something like that. It might help her realize the sacrifices you have made, and be more willing to give in gracefully.

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