(Closed) Ceremony Etiquette

posted 9 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Hi – we’re inviting our priest to our reception and sending a formal invitation to the parish’s house.  I don’t expect that he’ll but its expected that he should at least be invited.  And personally, I think if you invite someone you should send them a formal invitation, otherwise he might think it was a last-minute kind of thing. 

Does your church have a parish secretary?  Most do, that’s who we’ve worked through to set up our meetings with the priest, reserve our date, etc.  She’s also the one who collects the “donation” (really your fee to get married).  Our church gave us a booklet with all of this information when we had our first meeting with the priest (which also had helpful information about how they handle music/photos/video/etc.).  Did you not have your first meeting with the priest yet?  I wouldn’t be surprised if he gives it to you at that point.

 

Post # 4
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Our priest is also a personal friend of mine. So yes it was a no brainer for us to send him an invitation. I also did not expect a gift from him. Priests make poverty level salary! However, he was nice to give us a framed papal blessing as a wedding gift to us.

I also donated to him (a couple of hundreds). I think church fee is for the church and donation to the priest is a donation to the priest. The two are not connected, I believe.

Ditto Aprilbride10, your parish chaplain can probably advise you if you ask him/her these questions.

Post # 5
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We are also in the planning phase but I have spoken to several other past brides and my wedding coordinator about what is customary for our cathedral.

1. We will send him a formal invitation on top of asking in person just as a show of courtesy.

2.  Our church fee is $500.  We were informed by the secretary that we should tip each alter server $25.  Based on that and speaking to some other brides, we will be giving an additional tip/donation of $175 to the priest.  My understanding is that this is in line with what others have done.

As an aside, you should also anticipate tipping any musicians/the music coordinator (or at least that is what I have been told).

Post # 6
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Katie – just wanted to say lucky you that you’re having altar servers!  Our church is so underattended these days I had to recruit my 12 year old cousin from out of town to be an altar server.  So sad!

Post # 8
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Our church has an official church fee, additional fees for music, and an “optional priest donation.” From what I’ve heard, people usually give the priest $100-200 for performing the ceremony.

And an invite to the reception is probably correct etiquette, but he may or may not actually come. Hope that helps!

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