(Closed) Ceremony Program Question: Do you mention deceased parents?

posted 10 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hmm. I’d list those in attendance who will be escorted down the aisle toward the front, I guess, then devote a section to "those who could not be with us here today, but are here in our hearts" — or something like that. Alternatively, just don’t list anybody who’s in attendance; just stick to the bridal party itself and the ceremony schedule. I think that’d be fine, too.

Post # 4
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Not at all in your situation, but in our programs we just wrote :

Mr. and Mrs. X – Parents of the Bride
Mr. Y and Ms. Z – Parents of the Groom

Even though your FI’s parents are deceased they are still his parents and so I don’t see why you couldn’t just mention them in that way.  Regarding step-parents, we didn’t mention my FI’s stepmom or stepdad in the programs, just his biological parents.

We didn’t mention our grandparents in the program either, but for those that are deceased or unable to attend we will mrntion them during the Intercessions (it’s a Catholic mass).

Post # 5
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We haven’t gotten that far in our planning, but I’ve already thought about what I might do. Here’s what I’m thinking:

  • Mention our living relatives (in our case, both sets of parents and my maternal grandparents and materal great-grandfather)

In some other way, have mentions of those who have passed: all our other grandparents, a special aunt (mine) and uncle (his), and 1 cousin, as being with us in spirit. For example:

  • Wedding photos of our belated grandparents
  • 1 blue flower (my cousin’s favourite flower)
  • Photos of our grandparents on their wedding days
  • Haven’t yet decided how to honour the aunt and uncle. Maybe wedding photos from their wedding days. Not sure! 

Another option I’ve seen is a separate section of the program, commemorating those who are with us in spirit, and listing beloved relatives. But I do think it should be separate from those who are living, only because otherwise it might seem odd, as if your fiance’s parents and your father are choosing not to attend. As for recognizing step-family members, do it at your discretion. If you were close to them, then by all means, recognize them as your other family members!

I hope that helps with some ideas to honour your loved ones.

Post # 6
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think you can do whatever you want, although I also think you should consult with the remainder of your family.  My FI’s deceased father was a funeral director, and his mother felt strongly that we should not include any kind of memorial.  She simply says that we already had his memoral (last year) and she would like to spend our wedding day thinking about the happy occasion – and that she is going to be aware enough that he isn’t there without being actively reminded.

Post # 7
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

This is a tough task 🙂

We didn’t have a program – so I didn’t have to worry about that!  But we did have the same issues with our invitation.  It was worded my mom & his step-dad invite you.  (Even though his real ‘dad’ *term used loosely* was in attendance at the wedding!)  (both my dad and his mom have passed away)  Yeah that might have just confused you!

I agree with Amysue – ususally those listed in the program are listed because they are escorted as the very beginning of the ceremony.  And you want everyone to know who is coming down the aisle and why they are important!  So I would list thoes alive and in attendance.

Then have a seperate section where you list a few words/poem/etc and those who are missed and could not share in this happy day.

Since we didn’t have a program we had the preacher read a short poem as part of his beginning part of the ceremony.  He also reference two orchids we had up from that were in memory of our parents.

"Though we are separated physically,
Faith and love have bound us eternally.

Though we cannot see you,
We know you are here.

Though we cannot touch you,
We feel the warmth of your smile, as we begin a new chapter in our lives."

It’s hard to go through such a special day and be missing those very important people!!  🙂  Hope your day is wonderful! 

Post # 8
378 posts
Helper bee

I’m thinking I’m going to put some kind of photo and memorial in our program, about FI’s dad, but we’re in a different situation since he only died three weeks ago and our wedding is in a month. But I have to check with my Future Mother-In-Law first to see what she is comfortable with. She may not want anything like that, and I’m going to respect what she wants. 

I do know that we’re doing a flower memorial for everyone who has died – putting flowers on the alter that aren’t at all related to our scheme (we’re doing white flowers for everything and using red roses for the memorials). But I want to do something really really different, like a hybiscus, for FI’s dad. We’ll have something in our ceremony program about that and who they are honoring, regardless.  

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