(Closed) Ceremony / Reception two different locations different invites kids or no kids?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We have about 90 guests and we are allowing children to come…only a few though. The children in our wedding party are our three nephews and the remaining 10 kids are beyond the age of 6 and they are pretty well behaved. If they weren’t well behave then we would clerly say “adult reception only” but even so, I would expect someone to sneak their kid in. You can always look into hiring a babysitter and if your venue is pretty big then maybe you can give them their own separate area to play around.

Post # 4
1736 posts
Bumble bee

My advice: either invite children or don’t invite children. Don’t leave it up to your guests. If you are extending the invite to some, but not all, that might end up being a sticky situation. I would suggest (as the PP did above) that you either limit the children to those IN your wedding party or suck it up and just let them all come (not because it’s right or wrong either way – but for your own sanity). 🙂

If you do end up inviting children, you can work with your venue to arrange for an on-site babysitter and say as much on your enclosure card and wedding website. Keep in mind that some parents are hesitant to allow their kids to stay with a stranger – so you might get pushback in that regard.

Post # 5
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You can invite some kids and not others if you have bright line rules, like no kids under 12, or no non-family kids, or no kids other than the flower girl/ring bearer.

I would not include any kind of note – on the invitation or elsewhere – that essentially says guests can bring kids if they must but you’d really rather they didn’t.  Invite none, invite all and get a babysitter, or invite only those that fit into easily definable criteria.

Post # 6
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would just plan on everyone attending both events.  Since you really can’t invite them to only one, it is easiest to plan that way!

Only you and your Fiance can decide whether or not to have kids at the wedding, or which kids.  It does help to set ‘rules’. as Sailor mentioned.  To differentiate, on the invitation envelopes if you are inviting JUST the couple be sure to put Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but if you’re inviting kids, add Jeanie and Johnny’s names, or put The Smith Family.

Post # 7
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Save the Dates are a non-issue you can send them out or not… your choice.  They are not a MUST DO in regards to Etiquette (and quite frankly they do seem to cause more problems sometimes than they are worth… especially when it comes to Weddings & Receptions where one is wanting to trim the Guest Lists, incorporate B-Lists, or perhaps have an All-Adult Event)

There is nothing wrong with having an Adult Only Reception (by spelling that out on the Invites by using “we have saved 2 Seats for you” – Adults Only Reception etc).

BUT it is also perfectly fine to at the same time being open to having the Wedding Ceremony itself be a “family event”… where kids are welcome.

Honestly, I think this is the best of both worlds, and the surest way to offend the least amount of people.



Post # 8
3697 posts
Sugar bee

We put 3 options on our R.s.v.p.:

___ Ceremony only: my/our heart(s) will dance as you say your vows!

___ Yes, I/we will dance at your wedding reception!

___ Decline with regrets. Dancing with you in spirit, from afar.


(We didn’t want to put “reception only” as an option. Realistically, we know that some people will come to the reception only, partly because we are having a midday ceremony and an evening reception due to unavoidable scheduling constraints at the church … but we figured if guests do that, we at least weren’t going to blatantly invite it. We did want the “ceremony only” option in order to know NOT to pay catering for the handful of people who won’t be staying into the evening.)

Also, re. the kids, see if your venue will do a children’s menu. Ours charges us only one-third the price for the children’s meal, which is going a long way toward helping us afford to have all the kids there (kids are between one-quarter and one-third of our guest list, and there was never a question of not including them for Fiance and I, but I know others feel differently).

Oh, and we skipped save-the-dates entirely (other than an email to close friends and family) and didn’t feel the need to do anything special with the invitations. The response card options were sufficient for our needs. I would add a note to the invitation about adults only if you decide to go that route.

Post # 10
3267 posts
Sugar bee

If it doesn’t matter who is coming to the church, then I see no reason to ask for it.

I always take the RSVP as for the reception, since that is the part that the hosts need to know #’s for.


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