(Closed) Ceremony SEATING ETIQUETTE Step Mom and Mom when parents are divorced

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1579 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

Technically, the step parents are supposed to sit in the second row. If the bride wants you in the first row, then she’ll put you there. 🙂 My fi’s parents have both been remarried but he doesn’t want to start drama so he’s putting his steps in the first row.

Post # 4
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@notsowickedstepmom:  It’s up to the couple.

My DHs parents are divorced and his dad is remarried. His mother never did.

I sat MIL first, then place FIL besider her and his wife sat next to him. I didn’t want his SM to feel awkward considering they’ve been married almost 15 years.

I hope you get a good seat!

Post # 7
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@notsowickedstepmom:  Honestly, it is nice that the bride chose to seat you in the front row. I would keep quiet about it, show up and sit where you were asked to. At the end of the day, it comes down to the bride and what she wants – not you. As other posters have said, she didn’t have to seat you in the front row at all. If you or your husband complain, or make requests, it’s just going to start shit.

 

Post # 8
Member
9145 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Depends on seating and the relationship between the parties.  I had all of my parents sit in the front row at my first wedding.  Mother in aisle seat, then stepdad, then dad, then stepmom on the end.  If that’s not agreeable then have mom, dad, and grandparents in first row, stepparents in second row with any siblings.  If mom and dad need to be separate, then mom and stepdad in front row, dad and stepmom in second row (unless dad and stepmom paid for wedding, then I would have to say that dad and stepmom should sit in the front row unless mom is going to make a huge deal about it.)

Complicated right?

Post # 9
Member
35 posts
Newbee

@kariface:  I tend to agree with you and we don’t want to upset her.  However, my husband wishes she would have asked us if we feel comfortable sitting with his ex. 

Post # 10
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

uh oh, is this fake?  I see the original OP 

@notsowickedstepmom:  and now another poster 

@justaskin:  is replying as though they are the OP.

Both new posters with very few posts.  Looks like a couple of fake accounts.

 

ETA: notsowicked is supposed to be a stepmom of the bride, justaskin is supposed to be a 14 year old hurt younger sister of the bride.  Take from this what you will!

Post # 11
Member
35 posts
Newbee

@beachbride1216:  Yes, you’re right.  It sure can be complicated at times.  I feel for the bride.  I’ve been where she’s at and it’s not easy. 

My husband and I would love the set up that you mentioned:

First Row: Mother of Bride (and whomever else the bride and her mom would feel comfortable sitting with).

Second Row: Father of Bride and Step Mother

I’d be willing to bet, too, the bride would’ve preferred to have it this way, too.  She was just trying to do what she thought would make everyone happy.  Can’t fault her for that.  Ya know?  Here’s to a happy and comfortable day for everyone!

Post # 12
Member
6158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It depends on the relationship. I personally have a mom and stepmom, and I was just married this past weekend.

I sat all parents in the front row, and also my brother’s girlfriend (who sat between my parents as the buffer). Our row went like this, from the farthest seat to the isle:

Mom’s BF, Mom, Brother’s GF, Stepmom, empty seat (for dad after walkig me down the isle).

I’m closest to my dad/stepmom, and it seemed logical that they would sit closest to the isle as my dad was walking me down and I didn’t want him crossing over everyone.

Honestly, I think that it’s the couple’s day and parents should suck it up and sit where they are told. It’s the same philosophy I took with my own parents for my wedding. You’re all adults, you can sit and act like civilized people for the whopping 15 minute ceremony and deal with it. Thankfully, my parents are civil to each other. I did put my brother’s girlfriend inbetween my stepmom/mom just as a buffer.

 

ETA: The reason I sat them all in the front row is this. My dad and stepmom are a HUGE part of my life. I’m not super close with my mom, but didn’t want to slight her at my wedding so she also went into the front row. It would have made me VERY upset to see my dad/stepmom in the second row as their opionion and support mean the most to me and my husband. 

Post # 13
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I will be doing Mom & Stepdad in first row, first two seats. I have given my Dad & his wife the option of the second row, first two seats OR the first row, outer seats (so it would go mom, stepdad, stepmom, dad).

My dad would like the first row. I think he’s making a huge mistake as I think the inside second row will be a much better view, but he is being stubborn about it symbollically.

WHATEVER you do, my suggestion is to have the hard conversations about where people will be far in advance. Yes, there may be some hurt feelings or upset, but it is much better to have that in advance instead of at the rehearsal dinner or day of.

Post # 14
Member
35 posts
Newbee

@simplifiedbride:  Hi.  I’ve been trying to figure out what the abbreviaton OP stands for.  All along I’ve thought it meant, “Other parent.”  I am new to this site and my name on here is notsowickedstepmom.  I’ve been on a couple bride forums.  I established a justasking account somewhere and have been in and out of a couple forums.  If it appears that notsowickedstepmom and justasking are two different people, I can assure you that they are the same.  Me.  Am I signing on under two different names?  And if so, how did that happen?

Post # 15
Member
35 posts
Newbee

@starfish0116:  I agree that everyone should and in our case, will suck it up for the day. 

I like your idea of having a buffer between “disgruntled” parties. 

My husband, father of bride expected to sit in 2nd row and was perfectly fine with that (especially since he thought it was proper etiquette).  However, I don’t think these things are always as cut and dry as “etiquette” would have you believe.

In your case, (and I would hope in anyone’s case), I think that front row should be reserved for those closest to the bride.  So, if I had been you, I’d have put my stepmom in the front row, too.  And in your case, she probably would have been hurt had you done it any other way.  It’s great you guys love each other so much.  🙂

Post # 16
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t even know why I’m going to answer, but… 

@justaskin:  OP stands for Original Poster.  You are in fact signed into an account that has already posted threads (or questions) as a 14 year old girl.  It looks extremely suspicious to go back and forth between different accounts, and pose questions as different people.  Not saying you’re doing anything wrong, but it makes you look like a troll (or someone whose sole purpose is to annoy other posters, or create drama purely for your own amusement). It does not matter what other forums you’ve used that name for, this account was used to ask questions as a 14 year old earlier this week.  The only way you could continue posting is to login with a username and password. 

 

The topic ‘Ceremony SEATING ETIQUETTE Step Mom and Mom when parents are divorced’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors