(Closed) certain children at wedding

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I don’t think there’s going to be an easy way to do this. When you pick and choose which kids to invite beyond your immediate family (nieces and nephews), you’re going to offend people. If I were you, I’d only have the nieces in the bridal party attend to avoid tension and hurt feelings.

Post # 3
Member
47412 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
Saru0211:  You can darw the line anwhere you like as long as you are consistent i.e all first cousins’ children, but no second cousins’ children.

Post # 4
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Well…assuming you are ready for any feelings/etc that comes from it, you could always just say no kids (not counting the ones that are coming) and if they do ask why the other kids are there you could say they weren’t able to find sitters or something. Lol..seems crazy but I can’t think of any polite way to do this.

Post # 5
Member
14013 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
julies1949: has it right. Just draw the line consistently by category. That is perfectly appropriate. 

Post # 6
Member
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
julies1949:  This is the respectful way to do what you are asking. Just make sure to be consistent and on both sides of the family, not just yours. 

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
14013 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Do not draw the line at the children who are in the bridal party if it means that other children who are related in the same way or closer are excluded. That is neither appropriate nor considerate. Unfortunately, it’s a common misconception .

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by weddingmaven.
Post # 8
Member
6515 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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Saru0211:  you cant pick and choose which kids get an invite and which dont. You either have them all or dont have them at all bc the parents will be offended. And you dont want to offend anyone

Post # 9
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

Invite the children you are closest to. Just like you will invite the adults you are closest to. 

Post # 10
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
Daizy914:  I disagree. When you are paying you can do exactly that. You can invite and not invite whoever you want.

I don’t plan on inviting any kids so invitation will say somethign along the lines of adult only ceremony and reception or something. However, I have two kids and will be inviting the kids in the wedding party and at first the kids of a select few cousins I wanted there, I have recently decided only the kids in the ceremony. I do not intend to have there the whole time but those plates add up. If you don’t want misbehaved kids don’t invite them. It is better to not invite them than to ask them to leave because their children are too misbehaved.

Post # 12
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

How important is it to invite the 2nd cousins? I might just avoid the whole thing and not invite them

Post # 13
Member
1930 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m not the best when it comes to etiquette, but the way I see it its your wedding, your money and NOT your bratty children, lol. I wouldn’t invite them if I didn’t want to.

Post # 14
Member
14013 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
Saru0211:  If you decide to  invite them, do so specifically by name.  If they RSVP for their children, or fail to make it clear how many are attending, call and confirm. If they respond that they are bringing their child, say you are sorry, but only children of immediate family members are invited. If they protest, or say they can’t find a sitter, say you will understand and miss them if that means they can’t attend. 

Post # 15
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

I say, don’t invite the whole family, invite the rest of the 2nd cousins. If your parents say it’s polite to invite all the second cousins, tell them it’s more polite to host an event where little kids don’t have to be afraid for their safety.

If you want to avoid the drama, you probably could get away with inviting the adult second cousins and not any of their children if you’re having a smaller wedding. (But that’s excluding kids whose parents are raising them to have meet at least the most basic standards of polite society. )

What ever you do, do not invite the 10 yo, she needs love, kindnesd, support, boundaries and consequences that she’s not getting. But you can not include her at the expense of other children’s safety. 

Please keep in mind that if you do invite the 10yo, other might choose not to attend. If I were one of the parents of the 6 year old victim, I would not attend, nor would any of my children; if I knew the 10 year old violent child would be there. And we would leave immediately, if we were surprised.  (If my spouse were your sibling, I would strongly urge him to go to your ceremony.) Actually, if I was invited to your wedding and had children under 10, and knew you were inviting a child with a history of violent actions toward smaller children, I  probably would RSVP No.

(If you had said the 10 yo child’s parents acknowledged the problem and are working on it, my advice would have been to talk to them and see if the four of you could come up with a plan.)

How are you parents not outraged at the second cousins on behalf of you niece/their granddaughter?

 

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