(Closed) CFBC Bees Introduce Yourself

posted 5 years ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

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submart:  

I have been CFBC pretty much as long as I can remember.

I do not have a partner (I came to WB to help my sister prepare for her wedding and stuck around).  I have had to end three serious relationships with good men due to being CFBC.  No one else among my family or close friends is CFBC.  I live in a very religious and conservative area where CFBC is not a popular choice and where the demographics are not in my favor (most people who live around here are either under 18 or over 50)–this has been a source of a lot of frustration for me. 

My parents are OK with my choice.  Most other family members don’t know about my choice.  Because I am still unmarried, I don’t often get asked about why I don’t have children.  On the rare occassion that I do, I am polite, but firm, and explain that I do not wish to have children of my own.  I also make it clear that the matter isn’t really up for further examination or discussion.

I am CFBC because having my own children does not fit with the life that I want to live; I value a high degree of schedule flexibility, autonomy, etc.  However, I do not dislike other people’s children, have been known to help out with other people’s kids in a pinch, and I work with college students (I am a professor). 

I enjoy reading, writing, flower arranging, cooking/baking (when I have the time to do them properly), and hosting parties for my friends.

Post # 3
Member
2461 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Age: 30-something (me) and 50-something (him)

Relationship status: We’ve been married for 3+ years and together for over 9 years

I knew when I was 12 that I didn’t want kids. I just couldn’t picture myself as a mom. My spouse has 2 grown daughters from a previous relationship. Both lived with us for 2-4 years during their late teens/early 20’s but both moved out last year. Our home is always open to them. Aside: I LOVE kids and have always been very comfortable around them. And kids seem to like me too. I worked with kids for 6 years (day care, after school care, private nanny). My family, friends, and neighbors who have kids know that I’m always willing to babysit.

Birth Control: snip-snip!

We have 4 pets at the moment, 2 cats (that our daughters left with us, of course), and our two Siberian Huskies. The pups are our babies and we love them beyond reason.

My family has always been supportive of my choice; I’m very lucky. My brother is also CFBC, and a few aunts/uncles are child-free as well. I have about 10 friends/co-workers (not casual acquaintainces) who are CFBC.

Our hobbies include hockey (we are season ticket members), traveling, hiking, running, yoga, reading, drinking wine, and spoiling our pups.

Why are we CFBC? Because that’s what I (we) want. End of story.

We don’t get asked if/when we’re going to have kids. Everyone who would think to ask us that already knows the answer. Strangers get the death-glare (because its none of their gosh-darn business). 

Old Age plans: We plan on traveling more as we get older. And spoiling our future grandkids. 

Careers: I work in property management (HR and operations) and my husband is a CFO/Controller/CEO (construction/building industry).

Post # 4
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Backyard

I am 33 and he is 31. We are engaged! We were long distance for 9 months and have been local for a little over a year. Neither of us has ever really wanted kids., but we would like to be foster parents, host exchange students, etc. Birth control isn’t an issue at this point because we are waiting until we are married. We love animals but can’t have any where we live. My mother thinks it’s great that we don’t want kids (probably because she thinks I am still a child.) My siblings all have kids. For fun, we enjoy cooking and eating, playing board games, watching movies, hiking, doing spiritually oriented stuff, and playing music. We trust that God will provide in old age. I work as a mental health therapist and he is hoping to start working as a funeral attendant soon.

I think I covered most of the questions!

Post # 6
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My husband and I will both be turning 34 this year. This may will be our first wedding annivesary and or 13th regular anniversary. I’ve been CFBC my whole life, not once have I wanted kids and my husband is fine childless too! My parents are completely fine with it and in fact they said they never thought I’d want kids (my little sister is the one that wants babies and gave them there only grandchild). Im on Birthcontrol but we don’t have sex very often due to low sex drive but both of us are happy with it! We’re still intimate just not intimate

For fun we watch TV, craft (he does stuff in his shop, I do stuff in our craft room), and play video games! We’re both artists that work for the same company. He is one brand’s creative team (he does the catalogue, web images, emails, covers all by himself) and I’m a graphics production artist for all the brands. We also spoil our 2 fur babies who are both cats!

All of our friends and coworkers know we are child free… its super well known that I just do NOT like kids so keep ’em away!

For Old age we are saving up for retirement and hope to travel together!

Post # 7
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

We are still on the fence and leaning towards CFBC at the moment. We have decided to re-evaluate in 4 years (when I hit 30). I have been enjoying the CFBC threads because even though we haven’t decided I feel like we’re dealing with some of the same stuff as people who have decided.

How old are you and your SO? I’m 26 & SO is 27

Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.? We’re married

How long have you and your SO been together? 2.5 years married, 6 years together total

At what age did you become CFBC? We are still on the fence. Before getting married we were both undecided and we are currently leaning towards no kids.

Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue? We are on the same page right now. I know we run the risk in the future of wanting different things since we’re both undecided, however, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

What do you use for birth control (if applicable)? I use the NuvaRing.

Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)? Nope. I really want a dog but we travel every couple of months so we would need to figure out a way to bring a dog or find a good place to board it while travleing. We’re also busy with work and would have a hard time committing to training it.

What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC? We haven’t told anyone yet. We just brush it off when people ask when we’re having kids. Mother-In-Law has been bugging us for grandchildren since the day we got married.

Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC? Yes. One close friend openly told me they don’t plan on having children. 

What are your hobbies? Reading, bar trivia, baking, crafting, hiking

Why are you CFBC? We just aren’t sure children are right for us. We don’t want to bring them into this world unless we are certain we want them.

How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids? I usually just laugh and say ‘we’ll see’ when people ask ‘when?’

How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”? We put a chunk of savings away each month (money that would likely otherwise be spent on kids) and if we follow our ‘no kids’ financial plan, we should be able to retire relatively early. As far as family, we do have nieces and nephews that we currently spoil and will likely spoil their kids some day.

What do you do for a living? I’m an engineer (FWIW, it would be very difficult to stay at my current job, which I love, if we had kids).

Post # 8
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

How old are you and your SO? 

I am 25, DH is 33

Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.?

We’ve been married almost 3 years  

How long have you and your SO been  together? 

Together 5 years all together 

At what age did you become CFBC?

I’ve always been, for the most part. I just never really saw myself as a mom and over the last few years, I’ve cemented the fact that having a child is definitely something I do not want, ever.

Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue? 

Hubby is also CFBC

What do you use for birth control (if applicable)? 

I have the arm implant and we hope to have hubby snipped soon  

Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)? 

We are huge animal lovers! We live in an apartment, so only a dog and two birds for now, but I hope to see that grow as we get more space.

What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC?

My family gets it and doesn’t really have an issue, but DH’s parents are in denial and continue to refer to me as “the mother of their future grandchildren.”

Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC?

My aunt is, and we’ve grown closer because of it

What are your hobbies?

I’m an avid reader, sometimes writer, and I enjoy collecting odditites

Why are you CFBC? 

I don’t hate kids and I understand the reasons they’re wanted…but the cons outweigh the pros for me. I have no interest in being pregnant or giving birth, or making an unbreakable commitment to being a mother. I’m selfish and I like my time and life the way it is. 

How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids?

I am always honest and say that I don’t ever intend to have any 

How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”? 

I guess we’re not, yet

What do you do for a living?

I work in a rehab facility/nursing home  



Post # 9
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Since one of the negative stereotypes of CFBC women is that we’re so self-centered and bereft of proper womanly/mothering feeling that we’d walk past a crying, abandoned baby on the street if it got us to our luxury shopping trip/manicure/whatever three seconds faster, I find it very fascinating to see how many of us work in professions that involve a tremendous amount of service to others.  Of the seven women who responded so far, we have one professor (who works at a teaching institution that emphasizes serving students); two mental health therapists; and one person who works in a nursing home. 

Post # 10
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

How old are you and your SO? 

25 and 28

 

Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.?

Married – Non Monogamous (not like the sister wives kinda thing lol)

 

How long have you and your SO been  together? 

6 years

 

At what age did you become CFBC?

20

 

Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue? 

He is also CFBC

 

What do you use for birth control (if applicable)? 

We are both clinically infertile… but as a precaution I  have a Mirena IUD… he is getting snipped when he’s 30 … Stupid doctors…

 

Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)? 

Pet Free.. no commitment 

 

What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC?

They are supportive.

 

Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC?

My sister

 

What are your hobbies?

Music, Movies, Photography 

 

Why are you CFBC? 

I’m selfish… I can’t be responsible for another human being… I want to travel… be spontaneous and have nice things… I do not want to be tied down by a child or a pet for that matter.

 

How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids?

If they Bingo me I usually tell them all about our infertility just so they think they’ve upset me… when in reality I’m getting the last laugh.

 

How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”? 

I’m not yet… I’m living my life one day at a time… I’m very laid back, easy going and I take life as it comes. May as well Live Life and Have Fun doing it.

 

What do you do for a living?

Medical Radiographer and currently Ultrasound student. 

Post # 11
Member
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’m infertile!  There I said it!  πŸ™‚

Coming up on 5 years married to a good guy who has an adult daughter.  He’s my second husband, I’m his third wife.  Was married to my first husband for 22 years. Infertility was brutal in my first marriage, obviously not a factor in my second and it’s nice not to be a failure.

Have a quite elderly dog, DH is allergic to cats.

For fun, DH is a biker and he builds race cars and hot rods.  We also read a lot.  Lately my hobby seems to be laundry.

A nice part of getting older is people finally stop asking.  One of the things I was joking around about was a friend who asked who will take care of me when I’m old and I said the same nursing home staff that’s gonna be wiping your ass. 

Post # 12
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

How old are you and your SO?

36 and 41.

Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.?

Married.

How long have you and your SO been together?

A little over 7 years. 

At what age did you become CFBC?

I have been an ambivalent procrastinator as far as I can remember (since my teens and twenties). I determined I was definitely childfree at about 30/31 (after I was married).

Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue?

Yes. While he was not originally “childfree” he was more than okay going that route, more interested in being with me than having hypothetical children with a hypothetical someone else. It was not a dealbreaker for him. He has become more childfree himself as time has gone on.

What do you use for birth control (if applicable)?

I am at this point very happily sterilized.

Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)?

We have one adorable, sweet, very much loved cat πŸ™‚

What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC?

Eh. I don’t think they think much one way or the other about it usually…I will add that in many cases, I do not say I am CFBC, they just know by now children are not in my cards. Most friends of ours (parents and non-parents alike) who do know of our choice are very supportive (and even encouraging) of it. My friends and family are interested in me as a person, not my reproductive choices. In my experience, it is strangers and acquaintances who have the issue with it.

Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC?

I do have a couple of friends who are CFBC or fence sitting. None of my siblings have children at this point, though I cannot definitely say they are childfree. Two of them are just delaying (one plans to adopt/use surrogacy at some point), and one is a fencesitter who leans towards being childfree but I kind of fear she will have a kid because her long term boyfriend really wants one so…

What are your hobbies?

I/we have many! Travel, scuba diving, reading, drawing, running, going to the gym, camping, hiking, kayaking, whatever I/he/we want to try!

Why are you CFBC?

Well, I have many reasons but ultimately, I just do not want kids and I do not want the life of being a parent. As I said earlier, I was a ambivalent procrastinator for many years, and had many reasons against having kids: enjoying my career, loving my freedoms and spontaneity,  relishing my private time, being a bit more introverted, enjoying my one on one time with my husband and our relationship, liking to travel, not wanting the financial strain, not wanting to go through pregnancy or childbirth, not being a caretaker-type, not liking being around children particularly (and usually veering towards disliking them), prioritizing autonomy, having hereditary health risks I did not want to pass on, not wanting the day to day grind of parenthood, enjoying being able to do with my time what I want to do with my time, feeling a bit of “been there and done that” as I had to care a lot for younger siblings (eldest sibling in a single parent household)…but really, it is just I do not WANT that life. In my own case, living *my* life to the fullest means being childfree. That is all!

How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids?

I don’t really get this much anymore. It’s sort of a non-issue at this point in my life. Most people I am close to know I am not having kids. Even people who don’t know just assume at this point I guess. Usually it might be new people I meet trying to make small talk, like a new hair dresser. If anyone asks if we are going to have them or when, I just say we aren’t. I had a coworker ask me the other day if I was “hiding something” because she heard a rumour I was going on maternity leave. I just laughed and said, never.

How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”?

I am not doing anything “special” other than financial planning. I am quite excited that I will not be obligated to grandchildren or adult children in my later years. I hope my husband and I are are both still in good health to enjoy life as we do now.

What do you do for a living? 

I am a lawyer. I also own a small business (related to one of our hobbies) with my husband.

 

Post # 13
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
submart:  yay for our new weirdly named board! haha! thanks weddingbee admins!!!

How old are you and your SO?  I’m 28 and DH is 32

Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.?  Married! 

How long have you and your SO been together? We’ve been together for 7 years but when we first meet people they always think we just got together. We’ve even had couples who have been together like 4 years tell us “wait till the honeymoon phase is over” and we’re like, uhhh we’re coming up on 8 years…haha. I do think part of that is having, as the board says, no kids.  

At what age did you become CFBC?  I knew as a kid. I first vocalized it when I was around 8 years old when someone (my mom told me this story) said something about “someday when you’re a mommy” and I was like, “I’LL NEVER BE A MOMMY”. It really didn’t even feel like a choice to me it’s just who I am, of course now I have lots of explanations and reasons to back it up.

Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue? Hell yes! He also never wanted kids but thought all women did so he sort of figured he’d end up doing it for the sake of maintaining a longterm relationship. When we started dating and I kind of put it out there that I never wanted kids he was like…wow, that’s a thing? And then it was like his whole world opened up. He’s staunchly CFBC now that he realizes it’s an option. That’s why I’m so happy this board exists. He is not the first guy I dated who was shocked that not having kids was really an option. In my experience most guys are pretty on the fence about kids naturally but don’t really think about it until they’re in a realtionship. I was always very up front about it even when I was dating because I never wanted to waste anyone’s time. 

What do you use for birth control (if applicable)? Condoms for now but dh is looking into the snip. 

Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)? We have one kitty and he is our baby. 

What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC? My dad is in denial and thinks I’ll change my mind. My mom freaked out, full on screaming, ranting and raving, sobbing hysterically, etc. She’s now semi-ok with it. DH’s mom is in full on denial as is most of his family. None of my extended family knows but I’m sure they assume we’ll have kids. 

Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC? My brother doesn’t have kids or want them as far as I know (he’s 37 and married). I think most of my friends will eventually have kids. 

What are your hobbies? Hiking, traveling, dancing, reading, silks, photography, blogging, researching, recipe contests. I’d love to take piano lessons at some point too. 

Why are you CFBC? I feel like there are too many reasons to count. I could go on for days because I honestly feel like our lives are better in every way because of being CFBC. From our relationship to being wayyyyy more financially secure to more free time, freedom, opportunity, flexibility, etc. 

How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids? Depends on the person. If it’s a friend who really wants to know we’ll just have a conversation about it and I’ll explain. If it’s just someone being nosy like a realtive I’ll just say, “nope, we don’t want kids”. When I was younger I thought I had to give this laundry list of reasons but in my experience that usually makes it worse. If you just say, “nope, we don’t want kids” and then say absolutely nothing people usualy drop it. 

How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”? We’re super savers planning for early retirement. We want to buy several rental properties in our 40s (and are on track to do that) for passive income. I don’t forsee money being an issue in “old age” but the fact is most people end up alone at the very end. Our best bet is to make the nicest arrangements money can buy and that’s really all anyone can do. 

What do you do for a living? I’m a freelance writer and work from home part time. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  mrshomemaker.
Post # 14
Member
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

How old are you and your SO? Early 30s

Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.? Married

How long have you and your SO been together? About 10 years, this yr will be our 5th anniversary.

At what age did you become CFBC? It’s been a gradual thing, we still aren’t super strictly CFBC 100%.

Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue? Yes, he’s probably more decisive in how he would answer, although I know he probably wouldn’t meet the strictist definition either.

What do you use for birth control (if applicable)? BCP, condoms

Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)? Fish & snails

What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC? Parents aren’t thrilled but have backed off.  Friends are good with it.

Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC? Hmmm, not totally sure.  There are no kids on DHs side yet, so it’s hard to say.  I likely have friends who are but haven’t stated it bluntly.

What are your hobbies?  I feel like our house has become our major hobby!  DH is into playing games with other people and I enjoy doing that with him sometimes.  I’ve been gardening a bit.  I used to do other things, but had to change what I do.

Why are you CFBC?  I was never really super I want to have kids.  Things seem simplier without them.  Currently, I have enough trouble of taking care of my own needs some day and I wouldn’t want to pass on my condition to kids.

How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids?  Depends on the person.  I had to get DH to talk to my Mother-In-Law.

How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”? Other than saving and doing some basic care planning (which might not just be for old age) nothing too specific.  I hope we can/will be by family when we’re old.

What do you do for a living?  I’m attempting to transition away from being a professional patient.

 

Post # 15
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

How old are you and your SO? I’m 23 (24 next week!) and he’s 37.

Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.?  We’re engaged

How long have you and your SO been together? 3 1/2 years

At what age did you become CFBC?  I’ve never had the motherly instinct, even as a child.  I never wanted to play “house,” I always pretended that I owned my own business and bossed everyone else around.  I never wanted to babysit, and I’m pretty uncomfortable around children – I can only handle them in small doses.  I think I really knew in the past year or so, now that some classmates have started having children on purpose *gasp*.

That said the social pressure is huge, and we’re going to reevaluate our decision in 5 years (we’d wait longer, but due to his age that isn’t an option).

Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue?  He’s fine either way, but he had already resigned himself to not having children when he met me, because of his age.

What do you use for birth control (if applicable)?  Condoms and I track my cycle/fertile days.  I’d like to get an IUD but have had really bad reactions to every kind of hormonal birth control.

Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)?  We have a cat, but she’s really my cat – Fiance is allergic.  I’ve finally convinced him that dogs are too much work, success!

What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC?  My closest friends are all CFBC, so they’d actually be shocked if I changed my mind.  My parents would love grandchildren because I’m an only child, but understand and respect my decision.  My Future Mother-In-Law expects us to have children, but I keep reinforcing the idea that this will NOT happen, but she insists it’s just because I’m too young.  Sigh.

Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC?  Again, my two best friends are both CFBC and if anything they encourage me to stay that way (I’m much more on the fence than they are)!  I also have an aunt and uncle who are CFBC, they’re in their 60’s and have always had a very fulfilling life, and do no regret their decision.

What are your hobbies?  We both enjoy drinking great wine and eating amazing food, so we go out a lot.  I enjoy reading, crafting, and cooking.

Why are you CFBC?  I am not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to provide for children.  I put myself first, and am unwilling to change my lifestyle.  Money is already very tight and I couldn’t imagine adding another person to the mix and Fiance agrees.

How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids?  I tell them that we do not currently have any plans for children.  I tend to play the “I’m an only child and have always preferred the company of adults” card a lot, when pressed for more information.

How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”?  I don’t think there’s ever a way to fully plan for old age, even with children – those children often don’t want the burden.  We’re growing our retirement fund and I think it would be super fun to move to one of those 60+ communities in Florida that are basically frat parties for retirees.

What do you do for a living?  I’m finishing up my BS in Hospitality online and working in sales. 

 

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