MemberMarriedToMyWork: I think that many who choose not to have children would actually make two me of the best parents. Many (if not most) people want children to be their trophies and/or to fulfill their own needs. Many of us who do not want children recognize that parenting is not about having one’s own needs fulfilled and thus do not have that desire that the general population tends to.
MemberEven though my Darling Husband and I are still technically “on the fence”, I really wanted to participate because we are so strongly considering CFBC. If my Darling Husband and I decided to have kids in the future, it would 100% be adoption. No pregnancy for us, that’s absolutely final.
How old are you and your SO? I am about to turn 23, he is 24.
Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.? We are married.
How long have you and your SO been together? 7 years in June.
At what age did you become CFBC? I grew up with the expectation that one day I would feel the urge to have children and that was normal and expected. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that I truly have a choice in the matter. Seems so “Duh! Of course!” but I never considered the possibility. So I was 22 when I came to that realization, and it’s been really empowering.
Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue? Yes, he is supportive either way. He promotes adoption over pregnancy, but if we decided to not have any kids at all, he’d be cool with that too.
What do you use for birth control (if applicable)? The pill, condoms, and pulling out. I have an OB/GYN appointment next month and plan to start discussing permanent birth control methods with her (surgery that can take care of eliminating my cycle and preventing pregnancy).
Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)? We have a kitten and will be getting more when we have a bigger place. Also, if we don’t have any kids, that opens up even more room for pets. We love animals, and I have family nearby that also loves animals and babysits when needed.
What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC? They don’t know yet. I don’t think they will be supportive.
Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC? No. Everyone around us either has baby fever or grandbaby fever. SIL has no plans to ever get pregnant, but she wants to adopt eventually. She would be the most likely CFBC candidate but it’s doubtful.
What are your hobbies? Reading, hiking, paper crafting, movies, kickboxing, astronomy….the list goes on.
Why are you CFBC? I have never been able to really connect with children. I also have never in my life thought an infant was cute. We like to travel, we like having financial freedom, we like having control over our life and bodies, etc.
How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids? In the past, I’ve always said “Not for another decade at least.” Which is true, but I’ve recently started adding in sentences about how I’m thinking this or that so that I can start warming people up to the idea of CFBC.
How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”? Even more travel!!
What do you do for a living? I am a freelance writer and graphic design. Darling Husband is an engineer.
Member
How old are you and your SO? 29, 30
Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.? We’re married.
How long have you and your SO been together? Almost 8 years.
At what age did you become CFBC? To be honest, I don’t even know.. As long as I can remember I’ve never wanted kids.
Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue? Yes. One of the reasons we knew we were
What do you use for birth control (if applicable)? n/a
Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)? We have a dog.
What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC? My family is supportive, his family seems put off but they already have 3 grandchildren and there’s still another sibling who wants kids.. So I really don’t care what they think of our life choices.
Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC? Nope. Everyone I know has kids, or wants them.
What are your hobbies? Food and drink, I love cooking, eating, and drinking.. I’m also working on my WSET. Together.. We love movies, tv, hiking, snowboarding, tennis, shopping.. Learning about architecture and design. My husband likes golfing, watching sports, and we both like socializing with friends, family, hosting dinner parties. We’re always busy and love trying new things.
Why are you CFBC? A multitude of reasons.. Namely, I just don’t feel like my life has the space or the time to raise another human being. There’s so much to learn about myself, the world, and my husband.
How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids? I tell them we have no plans right now. My mom told me to stop saying ‘never’ because it opens you up to peoples criticisms and opinions..
How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”? We invest our money well, we have ample savings, and we want to see the world. Travel is my old age plan.
What do you do for a living? I work in mental health, namely.. Program development and management for people living with psychotic illnesses. My husband works in finance.
I’m glad to see so many people here who’ve made the same choices (and for all diff reasons) because I don’t know anyone in my real life who feels the same way.
MemberI am 26 and he is 31
We are engaged.
We were friends for six years, have been together for 2.5.
I started re-evaluating whether I really wanted children or not in my prior marriage, when my then-husband was pushing the issue really hard. I realized then that it wasn’t only that I couldn’t imagine having children with him, I wasn’t sure I wanted them at all. I am still on the fence about having children now, but am lean strongly towards CFBC.
Fiance is on the fence as well. We are both in agreement that it won’t happen until at least 5-7 years from now, if at all. We’ve also discussed adopting an older child in the future as neither of us is terribly excited about the baby stage.
I am on the Pill.
We have a cat, an 8 month old English Bulldog puppy, and a 7 year old Siberian Husky. Our pets are pretty much our kids, in fact, one worry we have about having children is that our Bulldog won’t adapt. I would be heartbroken if we weren’t able to keep him if he reacted badly to a child, and I honestly think I would resent the kid. We are stupid attached to that dog.
His family is fine with it, his older brother has a kid and his sister wants them as well. My mother is very upset about the idea, and thinks I’m selfish for considering that kids may not fit into the lifestyle we want.
Nope. Both of my sisters have children (younger by accident, older one waited until she was 37. If I have them, I will be emulating her.) Most of our friends have them.
My hobbies are reading, writing, yoga, kayaking, watching movies, and lately, those grown up coloring books (I have an Outlander one and Harry Potter). I’ve turned Fiance into a bit of a foodie and going out and trying new places to eat has become a bit of a hobby for us, we go to baseball games together, and he’s teaching me to play video games, and we have a board gaming group. Fiance puts together and paints miniature models for tabletop gaming, plays video games, referees youth hockey and baseball, and runs. (I am trying to get into running with him).
We are CFBC right now because we aren’t sure that kids fit into the lifestyle we want. They’re very expensive and time consuming, and we aren’t sure that we want the dramatic changes that come with having children. We want to be absolutely sure if we change our minds, not just cross our fingers and hope for the best.
I tell people the above. I feel like those who do have children who do it intentionally are better parents, and I don’t think it’s right to have kids just because it’s the “thing to do”. We’ve both agreed that if we ever decide to, it will be a carefully thought out decision and we will approach it as a team. If one doesn’t want them, we don’t do it.
Fiance puts a lot into retirement either way. When I am done with school and have a stable job, I’ll be doing the same thing. Our retirement plans vary (buy an RV and travel the country, move to FL [I am against that one], move to the PNW, buy a small cottage in Scotland and raise Corgis and English Bulldogs).
I currently am a freelance writer and work a couple days a week in retail, and am working on my Master’s degree in historic preservation. Fiance works as a public affairs officer for the media dept of the DOD, and also is in the Army Natl. Guard.
MemberHow old are you and your SO? I’m 40 he’s 30
Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.? We are newlyweds
How long have you and your SO been together? Almost 4 years
At what age did you become CFBC? Very young – I always dreaded having children of my own but just assumed it was inevitable. I was in my twenties when I finally realized it was a choice!
Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue? He is CFBC also
What do you use for birth control (if applicable)? Charting and condoms – was on the pill for years and was sick of the side effects, then tried IUD and had a very bad experience. We’ve been charting for a year and it’s working well.
Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)? Yes, cats and a dog
What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC? I am very fortunate in that many of my friends are child free, and my family has known for years that I don’t want children so there are no issues there.
Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC? I have more childfree friends than not – only a couple of my friends are parents.
What are your hobbies? Reading, writing, playing video games, running, and recently got into adult coloring books! I find them very relaxing.
Why are you CFBC? Because raising children of my own has never appealed to me. I’ve never felt any urge or desire to be a parent. I’ve always recognized what a huge responsibility it is and how much sacrifice is involved I love my life the way it is.
How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids? It depends on the situation; I will usually just tell them that parenthood does not and has never appealed to me.
How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”? We’re not really preparing, but ideally we will have enough savings to pay people to take care of us if needed!
What do you do for a living? We both work in IT.
MemberHow old are you and your SO?
I am 22, and he is 28
Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.?
we’re engaged!
How long have you and your SO been together?
3 years 🙂
At what age did you become CFBC?
Ive never wanted kids. As long as I can remember I’ve been telling my parents I would never be a mom.
Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue?
The reason Fiance was interested in me in the first place is because on my dating profile I was both non-religious and stated clearly that I did not want kids! He is also CFBC
What do you use for birth control (if applicable)?
Im on the pill and he uses condoms when I screw up my schedule on it.
Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)?
We have a cat named Vader, and as soon as I get the time to train it I want to get a bull dog puppy!
What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC?
My parents and grandparents have struggled to accept it but they’re good with it now. My friends have always been supportive.
Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC?
One of my bridesmaids is on the fence. That’s as close as it comes lol
What are your hobbies?
I do theater, I like to bake and paint, I LOVE to camp and travel, and I like music and poetry 🙂
Why are you CFBC?
The freedom of being able to do what I want when I want, of being able to travel, to not be the parent who’s kid is Screaming and ruining everyones flight/meal/etc. I have never been able to interact with kids very well. I’m super awkward around them, until they’re at least in their teens. I never even played with baby dolls as a kid. motherhood is just not for me.
How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids?
I just say, “we aren’t planning on it.” And if they prompt me further just a flat out “we don’t want children”. they don’t really need to know any more than that
How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”?
Havent planned or prepared that far yet. we will have custody of FIs neice if anything happens to his mom (who has custody of her atm) so he kind of assumes we’ll just be that awesome aunt and uncle all our nieces and nephews will want to take care of. We’re in our 20s though. We have time to think about it.
What do you do for a living?
I’m a substitute teacher working on my bachelors in English. I plan to get my doctorate and teach at a university. Fiance works in a lab for a oil field company
MemberThanks for all your responses so far ladies! It’s good to not be alone in NOT wanting to have kids. Up until a few years ago this was a taboo topic.
Seems like we have a lot of pet parents, a few fence sitters regarding having children, some people who are infertile/have medical issues, numerous medical professionals/educators/etc.; and most of us who simply enjoy peace/quiet.
From the research I’ve done on CFBC most people tend to:
1. Focus heavily on education/careers (most of us)
2. Go against the grain (female engineers)
3. Enjoy their independence (quite a few travelers)
4. And don’t follow by traditional society norms (lifestyle choices, religious view, etc.)
Very interesting. . . 🙂
HostessHow old are you and your SO?
I’m 25, He’s 32
Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.?
Married 4 months
How long have you and your SO been together?
Together 5.5 years
At what age did you become CFBC?
I’ve never really wanted children. So in the words of Lady Gaga ” I was born this way” lol
Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue?
Darling Husband doesnt want children either
What do you use for birth control (if applicable)?
IUD currently, until Darling Husband gets the snip-a-roo (hopefully this year)
Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)?
3 doggies. Chiweenie (3 years), Husky/Lab (9 years), Husky German Shepard (3 months old)
What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC?
My mom has the hardest time with it, everyone else doesnt really care either way.
Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC?
Not that i’m aware of
What are your hobbies?
Is work a hobby? Haha. Cooking, trying to remodel my bathroom, hanging with my pups and Darling Husband. We like to take “Shotgun trips” Quick weekend trips to wherever sounds fun!
Why are you CFBC?
I can never imagine myself as a mother. I’ve never had the yearning or want to raise children. It doesnt seem like I woke up one day and decided I dont want children, it was one of those things I’ve really always known about myself and never really vocalized it until I was older. I cant think of any day in my entire life where I was thinking how awesome it would be to have babies.
How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids?
It depends on how invasive they’re being. Most are pleasant about it, others keep on. If I tell them I dont want children and they keep bothering me about Ill respond with “Are you going to raise my children when I have them and resent them?” Ususally after they’ve told me “You dont know until you have them”
How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”?
We’re planning for retirement just like everyone else. No difference there.
What do you do for a living?
Darling Husband is in sales, I am in accounting.
Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/cfbc-bees-introduce-yourself/#ixzz3z8g2v2Gh
MemberHow old are you and your SO? We’re both 34
Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.? Married
How long have you and your SO been together? Coming up on 2 years married, together for about 8 years now!
At what age did you become CFBC? I’ve never wanted kids.
Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue? He’s never wanted them either. It’s funny, we both brought it up right away when we knew we were both interested in the other, as a “let’s get this out of the way, because wanting kids is a deal breaker”.
What do you use for birth control (if applicable)? Tubal ligation (filshie clip, would highly recommend)
Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)? We have a trio of cats! They’re entitled little monsters, and we adore them and their attitudes.
What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC? My family always knew. I think flinging the baby dolls in the corner of the closet and ignoring them was a strong predictor of my future.
Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC? Yep!
What are your hobbies? Gardening, crocheting, working out, cooking, movies, traveling.
Why are you CFBC? I just don’t like children. I’m fine with being around other people’s kids, but they go home. That’s the key part – they leave.
How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids? I tell them we’re not having any. There’s a very specific tone that discourages additional questions.
How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”? We’re in process of refinancing the house to a 20 year mortgage, so it’ll be fully paid well before retirement. We’ve got a nice amount saved, and will continue to put money away.
What do you do for a living? I’m in management, animal pharmaceuticals.
MemberHow old are you and your SO?
He’s 25 and I’m about to turn 24
Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.?
We just got married this past September!
How long have you and your SO been together?
6 years this March
At what age did you become CFBC?
12, though I had been thinking about it for a few years before that point
Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue?
Darling Husband and I are in an odd position because we’re polyamorous. Darling Husband is totally on board with never having children with me, but hasn’t decided if he’d like to have a child with another woman in the future. If so I get to be Auntie Wire. No parenting from me.
What do you use for birth control (if applicable)?
I’m on year 2 of my IUD (Mirena)
Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)?
We have an absolutely giant St. Bernard/Rottweiller cross who just turned 1. He is our “baby”
What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC?
My Mother-In-Law is the only one who is struggling with the idea. She’s really hoping that my husband decides to go the chidrearing route with someone else.
Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC?
Several friends, but no family members (yet). I think my brother and sister may ultimately choose to be CFBC but I don’t think they’ve really considered it just yet.
What are your hobbies?
I love to read, sing, put together puzzles, and travel.
Why are you CFBC?
The idea of having a living thing inside me and of giving birth fills me with horror. And I also have a pretty serious disability. There are periods where I need round the clock care. I can take a medical leave from work, or cut my hours if need be. But what happens if the kid is hungry and my legs aren’t working and I can’t get out of bed?
How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids?
“NEVER!” *giant smile*
How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”?
We’re managing our money well and actively planning for retirement.
What do you do for a living?
I work in a residential youth facility for girls (I have a Bachelors in Social Work) and my husband is a dealer at a casino.
MemberCan fence-sitters join in? Hubby and I have no desire to have children anytime soon, but have left ourselves a few more years to make a final sterilization choice in case one of us miraculously changes our mind.
How old are you and your SO? Hubby and I are both 26
Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.? We have been married for over 3 years now.
How long have you and your SO been together? We’ve been together officially for almost 6 years, and were close friends for about 3 years prior to dating.
At what age did you become CFBC? Neither of us has ever had any desires to have children, but we have not made the final step of declaring ourselves CFBC yet.
Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue? See above^
What do you use for birth control (if applicable)? Currently Paraguard and Condoms
Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)? We have one dog, Zoey, and we also foster, so we have a rotating cast of other dog children 🙂
What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC? Family hasn’t really been informed yet. They know we’re not planning, and the idea that we may not have children has been brought up before, but it has not been finalized. I have a small group of friends who I talk to about it, and they are supportive yet curious, though they are all mothers.
Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC? I do not.
What are your hobbies? Singing, dancing, acting, yoga, art, strength training
Why are you CFBC? My husband and I both feel that a couple should actively want to have children, and not just have them because it is expected, but struggling with the societal expectations, and norms ingrained in us as we grew up.
How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids? I have begun to respond that we’re not sure that we will have kids. We have no desires now, and may never.
How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”? Saving money towards retirement and life insurance policies.
What do you do for a living? I currently work in accounting, and hope to pursue my acting passion professionally.
MemberHow old are you and your SO? I’m 25 and he is 30
Are you married, in a committed relationship, etc.? We are affianced.
How long have you and your SO been together? 4 years so far
At what age did you become CFBC? Like….8? I was never really interested in children and being a mother and once I realized I was able to opt out, I knew that was my plan.
Is your SO CFBC or ok with whatever on the kid issue? He is completely CFBC
What do you use for birth control (if applicable)? Nuvaring and he’s looking to get snipped this year.
Do you have any pets (or are you pet free as well)? We are in negotiations, but will eventually have a pet of some sort.
What does your family/friends think of you being CFBC? They aren’t surprised in the least and are excited for me to be the aunt that spoils their kids.
Do you have any immediate family members or friends who are CFBC? At this point my 18 y.o. sister is CFBC, but she has gone back and forth so I’m not sure where she will end up.
What are your hobbies? Outside of work, I love to cook, hang out with my girlfriends, go shopping, and try new restaurants. Pretty much the same hobbies as Non-CFBC ladies.
Why are you CFBC? Because I don’t want to have children.
How do you respond when others ask you why or when you are going to have kids? I just tell them that is not in our plan. Some people bring out the ol’ “you’ll change your mind”, but I just shrug. I’m not really worried about what other people think of our choice.
How are you preparing for a CFBC life in “old age”? Saving money and developing friendships. I used to work in retirement living and the whole “who’s going to take care of you in old age??” gambit is a freaking joke. You know how many kids/grandkids visit or pay for their parents’s care? Not nearly as many as those who are stealing from their assets. I became way friendlier with Adult Protective Services while working there than I ever wanted to.
What do you do for a living? I’m a controller and Fiance is a software QA guy
Membersteen425: based on your answers, we have a lot in common! (except you’re younger)
I also think that “who will take care of you” thing is just about the dumbest question one could ask us. most of my family members have had a long history of living at their original home until they die — although I think they were too isolated. I’d rather move into a community that’s really walkable, surrounded by friends, and has help nearby if we need it. I hope we can afford something like that!
or sometimes I fantasize about having a big rural property with multiple houses where a bunch of old friends live and look out for each other. we’ll craft and cook and basically be a bunch of hippies. maybe we’ll have a hot young guy who brings us supplies and we’ll flirt shamelessly with him, LOL!
Membermrshomemaker: Recipe contests?! Where do I find these? And it’s obv a writer wrote your post…making it easier for the reader to read+comprehend 😀
Membersporkette: Please sign me up for this awesome community..I am all about it!!
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