(Closed) CFBC bees…what comments get under your skin?? (mini rant)

posted 4 years ago in No Kids
Post # 31
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

My family members are convinced that I would love having a child because of how much I love/care for my animals. Caring a animal is not remotely the same as raising a child!

Post # 32
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

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annabelle90:  wow your friend sounds awful. You’re a woman regardless of wanting to have a kid or not. 

Not to thread jack but you ever notice with women who have abortions and don’t feel guilty about it start feeling guilty for not being guilty? They start believing something is wrong with them because theyre happy they’ve terminated a pregnancy. It sucks that the “norm” is to have baby fever all the time, want to pop out at least three kids and happily raise them. When it isn’t reality. Not everyone wants kids and those who have an oops pregnancy and terminate aren’t horrible women for doing what’s right for them. 

Post # 33
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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skier11:  My SIL is the most annoying. Everything is ALWAYS “you dont understand because youre not a mom/dont have kids”. “Us moms just understand better”. It’s so annoying.

Post # 34
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

 

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annabelle90:  “Oh I’m so sorry your baby hit the floor! Perhaps you should invest in a bungee cord.”

Post # 35
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

As a person who has always wanted kids and am ecstatic to be expecting my first in July, I think that the way women are treated when they decide not to have kids is ridiculous. What, our only reason to live is to have children? I am a successful business woman who owns and runs a profitable business at the age of 23. I am taking 2 months off and that’s it. Women’s lives do not rotate around the children they do or do not bear.

Post # 36
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

“Just wait til the baby fever hits when you’re X age (25, 30, when you get married, when you get a house, etc, etc, ect.)!”

I’m 24 and I’ve yet to have any desire to have a child. I have, however, had immense fear and anxiety over possibly being pregnant and the idea of pregnancy and birth (or c-section, I can’t decide which is worse) are absolutely terrifying to me. My SO and I have already decided together that if we ever do want children that we want to adopt. I have several adopted family members who are wonderful and came from bad situations before they were adopted as babies/young children. They are loved the same as any blood member of my family. I see no reason to pop out a person of my own when there are so many wonderful children waiting for a home. 

Post # 37
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee

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annabelle90:  I am a fence sitter, and have discussed this with one of my close friends. She always gives me the “I’ll pray for you” line, and doesn’t mean it in a nice way lol.

A customer at work told me everyone’s purpose in life was to have kids and pass on your DNA. I was just like 😳 Convo over. Lol

My coworker always pulls the “you don’t know tired until you have kids!” and makes the rudest comments to my manager who likes to go out and have drinks. He says stuff like, “she’s choosing to be tired, she doesn’t need to go out/socialize. I HAVE to care for my kids who are up all night!” Yes, and that was your choice. 

Post # 38
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

As PPs said, the one that annoys me the most (and happened pretty recently) is “Well, you’ll understand when you have children.” It wouldn’t bug me so much if it was in reference to something actually related to children – like schooling decisions or dirty diapers or sleep schedules. But I ALWAYS get this comment in relation to someone who happens to be a parent doing something rude or just plain mean. “Being a parent” is not an excuse!!! I also hate the line where people say, “Oh, they’re (i.e. parents) just worried about you. That’s why they said such-in-such-awful-thing to you. You’ll understand when you have kids.”

Post # 39
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016 - Backyard

Fun thread!

Because I’m about to turn 33 and also getting married in a couple months people tell me:

1. “You better hurry up and start trying for baby. You don’t have much time left.” (My response: I can’t wait for it to run out.” )

2. “It’s best if you have a baby within your first year of marriage given your age.” (My response: I plan to enjoy married life for a while before we get a dog.)

3. “I bet your going to have a girl. It depends who orgasms first. If your husband does then you will have a girl.”  (My response: How inappropriate). 

4. “Oh once you get married you’re going to want to have your husband’s baby.”  (My response: Probaby not)

5. “You’ll make such a great mom.” (My response: I partially agree, but that doesn’t make me WANT to become a mom)

Post # 40
Member
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview

I agree with the “tired comment”.

Another one I hate: “When you have kids, you’ll understand…”

Even though Darling Husband and I are likely going to start TTC within the next year, if all goes well, I’ve been getting these various comments in the past year (we haven’t even been married a year yet!). EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE COMMENTS, ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF ME. 

Post # 41
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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skier11:  I’m not CF (plan on kids but none yet), but I am a teacher and some of those comments have come up. When parents call themselves teachers, that grinds my gears. When colleagues who are parents claim that they are soooo much more tired and stressed than the rest of us who don’t have kids, that gets an eye roll. I live with OCD and anxiety as well as having a demanding full time job, so yes, I do know a bit about being tired and stressed despite my lack of children.

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by  misskate18. Reason: typo
Post # 42
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Fence-sitter here, too. Never had a lot of comments thrown my way, though a misogynistic colleague asked me when my husband and I will have kids – and I responded with the ambiguous “someday.” He responded to that with “better get on that.” Ugh. So much ugh. I’m sure he said it knowing my husband and I are in our late 30s, but still.

 

Post # 43
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I got an odd comment this week at my diagnostic colonoscopy for diagnosing my IBD dysfunction…

The Nurse hooking up my second IV (after the first nurse hit a nerve) says,

“You will get used to having these IV’s when you have kids”

What? What does having kids have to do with IV’s? I have had 50+ from various health issues, and the one time I get a bad one I get this weird comment. Is that some slight on her perception of my pain tolerance?

I was baffled and just said nothing.

Post # 44
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

Recently was told by a family member that ‘there’s more to life than your career. When are you going to have a family and focus on what matters’. Other comments included ‘but you don’t want to be the oldest mother at the gates’ (I’m under 30!!).

And when I say that if the time comes I will balance career and motherhood ive been told  ‘youre working too hard. How are you going to manage that when you have children?’ And ‘you don’t seriously think that you can be a senior manager and a good mother’.

We were happily child-free-for-now (though going to start TTC soon- not that anyone other than my sister knows that).  It annoys me that people make comments about how if im going to be a good mother in due course then the only way to do it is to become one of those women whos identity revolves around baby things, need to give up a career and a life outside the home etc. 

the entire comments about motherhood seem to revolve around ‘great mothers are martyrs’ and so by implciation anyone else (women with careers or CFBC) must be some kind of selfish unfulfilled person. 

Post # 45
Member
300 posts
Helper bee

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DaisyBlossom:  You’ll probably find out that there’s some truth in the comments. Of course it is possible to balance parenthood and career but it us I have/had a great career, right on the path to becoming a partner one day at a major firm. Well, I had a child; my identity is still similar but I now value time with my child more than reaching my career goals. That doesn’t mean one is a martyr or identifies themselves only as a mother. The point is that if you work hard, like I used to work 12 hours a day, you get to see your child 30 min every day with good luck if there’s no commute. That is inconsistent with being a good parent and isn’t fair for the child. Like it or not, children do impose restrictions on women’s career development (if the women want to be good parents), unless they have normal working hours or work in a very flexible environment where they can i.e. do some of the work at home after the child goes to bed. This is not something I would have really understood before I had a child because of how career-driven I was but bringing a child into this world changes everything. Maybe I misread your comment and this doesn’t apply to you at all or maybe you put it on your list of ‘annoying comments’ but I would have liked to have thought about this more in-depth before I became a mother, not that it would have changed my views about TTC but to be more prepared.

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