Post # 1
What are some stock phrases (tactful, please) that you use to deflect questioning/change the topic of conversation?
I was asked yesterday point blank if Darling Husband and I were having kids, and my mum (bless her!) quickly intervened and said, “it’s not in their plans right now.” I feel like this is a good answer, but I was wondering if anyone had any advice for dealing with such straightforward questioning?
Post # 2
I simply say “no”. No explanation necessary. If they kept on I would ignore their question….
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
I think your mom’s response was perfect. Use her phrase “it’s not in our plans right now”
Post # 4
I’ve started telling people it’s not part of our life plan. If that person persists with the usual fodder of follow-up questions then I think it’s 100% fair for you to ask in return why it’s so damn important to them.
My patience for this question is slowly running out so I imagine my own responses are going to get less tactful.
Post # 5
I think it’s a pretty tactless question, especially if they don’t know you well. I would reserve that question totbe asked by parents of the couple only, in private, and even then not in a pressuring way, and only until you tell give them an answer that “no, it’s not in our plans”
Post # 6
I just say “no, it’s not for me”. There are usually follow-up questions because most people look at you like you have 2 heads when they find out you don’t want children but you don’t owe them a detailed explanation.
Post # 7
I’ve said, “We’re not having chlidren” and when they persist in explaining why that’s wrong (because they always do), I calmy say, “This is our personal decision, no input is wanted, it is not a debate” and change the subject.
If they still persist, I exit the conversation by leaving the room or hanging up the phone.
If the person asking is somebody I don’t like, or a stranger, I usually say, “My, what an instrusive question.”
Sometimes I say “No thanks” a few times.
(This confuses them, because they didn’t offer me something. If they repeat their question, I say repeat myself without explanation, and change the subject.)
Post # 8
I just go with “no”. It gets my point across and doesn’t invite further discussion, usually.
Post # 9
shyqueen12 : i just say, “nope!” With a BIG smile. There’s not typically follow up, but if there is a insert something along his lines of “our fur babies are enough for us”
Post # 10
We are not CFBC, bit spnt have kids yet (been together 6 years, married for 1) Im 33 he is 41 so we arem’t spring chickens.. and people have been asking us when are we having kids since about 1 year after we met..
Our standard aswer has been “when we are ready, we will”
When people asked how many kids we want…
“We’ll start with one and see how it goes” or “We are thinking 2 but we have to have the 1st one first and then decide if we want another”
Now that we have decided we will be One and Done…
“When are you having kids?”
“When we are ready” or “When it’s the right time for us”
“But you going to be so old and it’s not good to have kids when you are old, you should have kids right now”
“We will start when we are ready” (repeat till they shut up)
“How many kids are you gonna have?”
“But one is not good, you needbto have at least 2…”
“We are having 1 kid” (repeat till they shut up)
Post # 11
Thanks for all of your responses, bees! I appreciate them.🙂
Post # 12
My best friend is CFBC and she usually responds with something like, “Our fur babies are enough for us.” She’s a teacher, so people are always confused about how she can adore kids but not want her own.
Post # 14
shyqueen12 : ‘we don’t want children, actually’. I refuse to ‘sugar coat’ it by implying we are undecided/might have some at some point. I might say ‘we might get a dog eventually, but that will be it!’ in a joking way depending on the situation, but that’s the most I will try to justify or defend myself.
Since ‘coming out’ about 6 years ago people have got better and better and been more and more accepting. Whether this is because times are changing or because I am now 3.5 years married and ‘getting older’ (31! Shock horror!) I don’t know.
Post # 15
I usually just make a face and say ‘ew no’ haha. Rude question equal answer.