CFBC Bees: what do you say when you’re asked if you will have kids?

posted 2 years ago in No Kids
Post # 16
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m honest and to the point. “We won’t be having children.” If they argue or give any of the stock responses (maybe in time, change your mind, etc), I then inform them that we’re both fixed and it’s a non-issue. That usually ends it. 

If people are going to ask a rude question, I am going to give a blunt answer. It’s not my job to say it nicer or sugar coat it, leave it open ended, etc. 

Post # 17
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

My lovely fiancé tells people I can’t have kids because he enjoys watching them try to extract their foot from their mouth.

 

Post # 18
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I say it bluntly: “No, we do not want children.” It usually prevents any follow up questions, I think because people are surprised to hear a woman say she doesn’t want kids. 

Post # 19
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I usually just say “no” or “we aren’t planning to have any kids”. Those answers get the job done. I don’t find this question as awkward or annoying as others do. However, I DO find it annoying when people tell me that I’m still young and when my hormones kick in around 35 I will change my mind.

Post # 20
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Sorry, I can’t offer you anything tactful because I think the these kind of questions are not tactful to begin with  

I like my vagina as it is, nice and tight. Thank you for asking though. How is your sex life?

The moment when I feel sleeping is not for me anymore. 

 

Post # 21
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

mepayne :  That always cracks me up. I’m also a teacher and if anything was going to put me off having kids, it’s my job. Not only is it high stress, long hours and not great pay, you get to see all the wonderful ways parents can fuck their kids up.

Post # 22
Member
5003 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2018

misskate18 :  I used to be a teacher too! Elementary Special Ed. It was an experience, that’s for sure. It didn’t completely turn me off of having kids, but I can absolutely see how it could’ve and I’m 95% sure I’ll be one and done. The same friend has offered to steal my (future) kids for a week or two a year once they’re old enough so that she can get her fix and then-DH and I can get a break. 

Post # 24
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I dislike the idea of any answer like “not in our plans right now” that implies you still might be having kids at some point or that its ok to ask.

I am CF-NBC and have a few CFBC friends.  The best answer imho is always the simplest – just a “no” or “we’re not having children” is usually enough to shut the questioner down.  On the rare occasions anyone then pushed and asked why not, I just said its not something I discuss and walked away.  

You should never have to apologise or explain yourself because at the end of the day its none of anybody else’s business x

Post # 25
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee

I DO have kids, but would certainly never ask anyone why they didn’t have kids. To each their own, I say…. 🙂

I don’t know if you ever watched the Sex and the City movie, but the character of Carrie got the same question regarding her and her husband’s choice not to have children. She just replied kindly, ‘We love kilds, but it’s just not for us”. 

My own opinion here BUT… of course many people will question this decision (whether they directly ask you or not) because in generations past…. having kids is what the vast majority of people did. To be CFBC may come across as unusual or at least unexpected to the older generation. I think a genuine answer spoken kindly and firmly comes across best. When a person responds angrily to ANY question, it may come across that you are not completely comfortable with your decision. I mean, why get upset about it? I get that it’s an intrusive question, sure… but just smile and share the very minimum. ” Nope, it’s not for us.” and call it good 🙂

 

Post # 26
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

I just say that we have no plans to have children. Sometimes I soften the blow by saying that we have a pet ferret (which strangely seems to satisfy people!).

Post # 27
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

It’s more fun to make it VERY awkward for them. Like, “I don’t think he can get pregnant from pegging.” 

Post # 28
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

“Nope, not for me!” And if they keep at it, “why is my decision any concern of yours?”

Post # 29
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I usually answer blunt intrusive questions with equally blunt answers. “I’m not having children” is my first answer if they keep on I’ll tell them straight “I have no desire to ruin my life by having children. I have many things I want to do and that doesn’t involve being responsible for a human being for the next 18 years of its life, especially when all it does is eat scream and shit for the first 3 years!”

Post # 30
Member
10695 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

mrstodd2bee :  

That was always how I handled it.  The issue has mooted itself via the passage of time, but I never saw a reason to be anything less than candid about it.  It’s not a confession to committing arson, for gawd’s sake.

I really didn’t get many strong reactions.  Several people told me it was kind of sad, because they thought I’d make a good mom. A woman I went high school with dreamed of nothing but marriage and babies.  When I saw her after high school, I was a bit glammed up and had lost some weight.  She was wearing baby ooze.

My friend said:  I always felt really sorry for you, missing out on having children.  But, now I can understand it’s the right thing for you.

In that moment, it was so clear.  We were both doing exactly the right things.

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