(Closed) CFBC – Child free by choice – DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME!

posted 3 years ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Lily_of_the_valley:  Yup, same here. And I’m older than you and somehow made it through life with my choice. I get that it’s a big, wonderful thing for these people, but it’s not the end all, be all.

Post # 3
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Same here. And don’t make your desire to have kids cause problems in our relationship. When I found out that FEE’s dad/bro were going to ask me about my plans for kids when I asked them for their blessing, it really put them in a negative light. Did they think that one thing, that WE have decided together, made me not good enough for their daughter? Get over yourselves.

Post # 4
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

I wonder if we’ll ever get to a stage where people stop expecting women to have children? Be it 10 or 30 years from now. I know it’s becoming more ‘accepted’ to be CFBC which is great but we aren’t there yet. I got married less than 2 months ago and the questions are incessant. Can’t feel tired without a little knowing look etc. To be honest I did want kids but seeing the majority of my friends with newborn to 2 year olds has really put me off. One of them told Fiance and I not to plan more holidays as saving money for babies is much more important *sigh* and she thinks making us hold her dribbling, screaming 3 month old will push us into TTC. I can’t say we definitely won’t have them but I wish I felt strongly one way or the other, it would make it so much easier.

Post # 5
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Lily_of_the_valley:  Glad to see others like me.  I am also going to be 32 soon and I’ve just never had that “feeling” that I should be a mother.  I don’t know if I’ll ever feel it to be honest but I LOVE kids, I enjoy being around them and even babysitting duties.  But it’s hard to picture myself having my own.  I don’t know if I’ll ever change… lol

Post # 6
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

EllyAnne:  Another reason I want to be CFBC…. we’re looking at an extra $10K per child, per year.  In this day and age, who can afford them?  Plus extra curricular activities, class excursions, etc… it really freightens me.

Post # 7
Member
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

It is so interesting how different people’s experiences are. I am in the latter half of my 30s, my husband is in his early 40s, and we are childfree. I can barely tolerate the majority of children, my husband is a lot more amenable and the kind that will get down on the floor with them. I am also sterilized, so for me it is a definite “no way ever” thing.

No one every seems to cry or be sad about it, and in fact we get a lot of support for it from both non-parents and parents alike ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 8
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Lily_of_the_valley:  Same here. What gets me is the back handed comments that it “must be nice to do xyz” (Go on vacation, spend money on myself, watch TV, etc. etc.) “I don’t GET to do things like that”. You CHOSE your path in life and I CHOSE mine. Get over it!

Post # 9
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

mastiff089:  Exactly!  I hate the backhanded comments…!

Post # 10
Member
3019 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Wow, it always surprises me that people are like this, especially since the most successful women in my office and over half of my friends are CFBC. It’s so narcissistic to expect that what makes you happy will make everybody else in the whole wide world happy too. 

I’m not CBFC (total mommy type here), but whenever someone tells me they are, my reaction is pretty much always: “Cool! Do you have any pets? Where do you work and what do you do for a living? What are your hobbies? Been on/planning any nice vacations?” I wish more people would be like me and validate your choices. I feel like having a child is pretty selfish of me, considering global overpopulation. You’re helping combat this problem and making a greater contribution to the workforce than most moms can. So go you! 

Post # 12
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

I have a friend in her late 40s who is CFBC and she told me the other day that she prays each period will be her last one lol. She has several pets and a loving husband. They just decided not to have kids! And that’s totally cool!!! I don’t understand why other people can’t let folks live their lives. You never hear people talk like this about pets, which I personally find much greater joy in than children. “Oh but you just HAVE to get a dog!” “Your life with your husband will be so enriched by getting a dog” “I think you’re just selfish if you don’t get a dog, it’s just what you do when you’re married” “There’s never a right time to get a dog (said to a person in an apartment and a full time job) you just need to do it soon before you can’t anymore!”

*sigh*

Post # 13
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

is_a_belle:  I think we all wish they were more like you! ๐Ÿ˜€

In fact, I hate that there is a distinction, in any lifestyle choice. 

Post # 14
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I love you for this!! We want kids one day, but that day is not today. I’m 26 and hubby is 29, both college grads, great jobs, financially stable. We could handle a kid right now but are actively preventing, because we just don’t want one at the moment. We enjoy our US time, and travel, and independent schedules, and doing whatever the heck we want. We are definitely not the norm in our area, where babies start happening within the first year or 2 of marriage, with marriage happening around 20 or 21. Sometimes it’s backwards, where you have the surprise baby and then the wedding. Who cares, if that’s what makes YOU happy. But it’s like…not everyone lives on that timeline!! Every family event we go to everyone is like, “so? when will we get grandbabies?” Um probably when one of your other kids has some because we are GOOD for now. lol

We have a pup, who is most definitely our child, and she’s all we need or want at the moment. Yet still we hear, “Oh you don’t even know real love until you love a child.” Really because I’m 100% sure I real love my husband and our dog and the other people in my life. I will learn a new kind of love when I spawn but…yep, I just checked and my existing love is real too. So crazy.

I swear though it is like clockwork every time we go out. People that we know ask when we want to grow our family, or if I say how I’m not particularly amused or enamored with fussy slobbery expensive kids right now they just say, “well, you’ll feel differently when it’s your kid.” While I’m certain I will definitely love my kid more than I would random mall children, I can assure you I will be no bigger fan of dirt or slobber than I am now, whether I birthed the human or not. 

Finally, I hate when people feel the need to comment on my body in regards to future pregnancies. I’m a fitness addict and healthy eater, plus training for bikini competitions. Everyone’s first comment? “Well enjoy it now because you’ll never get that body back.” Umm? How about you let me decide what state my body ends up in okay? THANK YOU. 

 

Sorry for the tangent. I just like…really super agree with you. Kids are not mandatory and if you are choosing to not have kids that should be equally as respected as deciding TO have them. And on both sides of that, people need to get TF out of your uterus cause that’s private property.

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