(Closed) CFBC: Friends Who Were Once CFBC and Are Now No Longer CFBC

posted 5 years ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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MissesAwesome:  I have a friend who never wanted to have kids. She’s totally not the lovey, sweet type at all – more straight to the point and in your face. Well, she ended up pregnant – by mistake (she is married). Well, she is having the child and her whole personality has changed! She used to never like hugs and now she hugs EVERYONE hello and goodbye, she put her arm out across her husband to protect him when she had to jam on her brakes, etc. etc. It’s super cute to see! She’s gotten super emotional and super excited for her baby. Her whole personality has changed (for the better – I think , lol)

Sure, maybe they were CFBC but the thing about life is – people change. Needs change. Wants change. And that is ALL GOOD. Just because they want kids now doesnt affect YOUR life in any way. I guess I just dont see what the big deal is about it. 

Post # 4
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

The second woman sounds like her extreme, in-your-face CFBC views were something she was adopting to convince herself she didn’t want kids because she couldn’t have them with her ex. Then once she got with her DH and realized it was possible for her to have a family, she felt free to reveal her true feelings. People can just change their minds too, it happens…my group of friends and I were once all adamant that we didn’t want kids, and one by one we’ve all succumbed to baby fever and will start TTC in the next couple of years after we each get married.

Post # 6
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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MissesAwesome:  I have two friends who have changed their mind.

The first friend had a bit of a surprise pregnancy and strongly considered abortion and then adoption but just couldn’t do it. After her first child was born she realized she loved motherhood and is currently trying for her third. This friendship didn’t really change. While she loves her kids she isn’t the type to insert them into every single conversation we have and I feel like we have good balanced conversations.

The second didn’t really care but her husband absolutely did not want kids. When his niece was born he changed his mind and my friend was thrilled. I guess she was kind of suppressing her want for kids due to her husband’s feelings. She actually just had their first child today. Our relationship has already changed because she frequently talked about being pregnant and staying home and car seats. Stuff I just don’t really follow or understand so if this continues on I can see it being difficult to continue a friendship.

It’s honestly all been really confusing for me. I’m very much on the fence leaning towards no children but watching two friends seemingly change their minds in a matter of a year makes me wonder if maybe I’ll change my mind. It also makes me wonder if I would find I enjoy parenthood if I became pregnant on accident. It makes me wish I could be more certain one way or the other!

Out of curiousity, how did you find your CFBC groups? As more and more of my friends have kids I’ve started to realize I might need to meet a few more people who don’t plan to have kids.

Post # 7
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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MissesAwesome:  Of course I wasnt implying that! I am CFBC and I am a teacher and babysit also, love kids, etc. but doesnt mean I want my own! I’d consider myself warm and loving to my friends and family. So nope, totally wasnt implying that at all – was just using my friend as an example! πŸ™‚ 

Post # 8
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

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MissesAwesome:  Your comment, in all caps about CFBC bees only is very rude!

 

I am not CFBC but I know people who have done what the second person did. One couple did that because they wanted kids a little later in life and where getting sick of people asking them questions about it and harrassing them. Second couple did the same thing to make sure they didn’t have to keep explain their adoption trouble to everyone amd in case it did not work out. Probably same story with friend #2 and her fertility treatments.

Post # 9
Member
534 posts
Busy bee

I find the more vocal on something in real life the more insecure you are about it. I never WANT to defend my position, just state it and move on.Β 

Personally I’ve had one friend shift from CFBC to fence sitter and I’ve already felt myself withdrawing a little from her. No judgement whatsoever honestly, her happiness is very important to me. Her new partner and their relationship made her consider things and there’s a little giddiness over a new possibility from her.

But I think because she is so special to me, I’m preparing myself for a huge shift in our relationship. I used to believe relationships wouldn’t change between parents and CFBC ‘s. Boy was I wrong! Lol, so I guess it’s something I can’t help, it’s just what happens

Post # 14
Member
831 posts
Busy bee

I’m with the previous poster.

The wording in caps is discriminatory. You aren’t allowing people with children to comment. You have discriminated against a social group based on their choices. 

I can’t add anything because I have a baby? That’s not right is it?

 

Post # 15
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I have very few friends who are completely sure they are CFBC. I’m really happy to have some good friendships with friends who have kids, so it wouldn’t bother me if one of my friends who had been CFBC changed their mind.Β 

To keep the peace here, missesawesome is looking for feedback from CFBCs on how they handled the situation. That doesn’t mean that non-CFBC’ers don’t have great advice to give and may even understand the situation. She is just looking for a unique perspective that can be hard to find IRL.Β 

The topic ‘CFBC: Friends Who Were Once CFBC and Are Now No Longer CFBC’ is closed to new replies.

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