While I spent many years ambivalent about having kids (thinking I would maybe have them “one day” but rather avoiding that one day coming anytime soon and making choices inconsistent with planning for children and that forced putting off the decision) I became formally childfree at about 30 or 31, after I was married. My husband, like yours, was more of a take it or leave it mindset (which I actually think is VERY common amongst men from talking to other male friends and family members) and was fine with this, and over the years has become more childfree himself. He’d rather be with me than with some hypothetical someone else with some hypothetical kids 🙂
It was really reflecting seriously about what I wanted in my life, about what having kids would mean, what parenthood would be mean, whether those things were compatible that really pushed me from “ambivalent” to “certainly childfree”. It was around time I was married I really felt I needed to make some plans as to whether or not I was going to have children, as it would affect my marriage, my career, my choices. A big concern for me was I did not want to change the dynamic of my wonderful marriage so dramatically (“having a baby is like throwing a hand grenade into a happy marriage” – parahrasing Nora Ephron). I also am very protective of my “me time”, my free time, my autonomy and freedoms. I talked to a lot of people, including friends who were parents, I read a lot of books by both parents and childfree, joined various fencesitting and childfree groups online, read parenting forums, reflected on my own experiences with kids (I was oldest of a few siblings and did a lot of childcare and worked with kids when younger), critically thought about how the lives of my peers who had children had changed, looked back on what I saw from my mother raising me and my siblings, took to heart honest conversations from parent friends and parent relatives who fortunately were very forthright with me about their feelings on parenthood and whether they would do it again, and so on. In hte midst of all of that I had a bit of a moment where I realized “whoa, I have never really wanted kids at all”. I had spent a lot of years more or less convincing myself I would one day, but my heart always knew what it wanted.
A few years later, I am sterilized, and very happily childfree. I am also very, very happy I never had children when I was in doubt (“because if everyone waited until they were ready, no one would have kids!” as the saying goes..ugh) and removed the ability to make the right choice for me. I have added more reasons but ultimately it comes down to “I don’t want children/I don’t want parenthood”. Definitely, if I have to make a pros list, it includes not carrying a pregnancy or going through childbirth, not risking fourth degree tears or incontinence anytime I laugh, and so on. I am old enough I have many friends who are recently or LONG out of childbirth and have a litany of pregnancy and childbirth stories to turn my stomach. While I am someone who takes care, I am also not a caretaker when it comes to human beings. I am as equally uninterested in caretaking a newborn as I am a 7 year old, 17 year old, or 27 year old. Give me a 7 week old kitten, 7 year old or 17 year old cat though and I am all over it 🙂
So, I guess, maybe my point is, it is good to think critically about whether or not having children is really right for you. Many people go into it only thinking of the Kodak moments. Whether or not you choose to have children, I think that it is good to make an informed – at least as informed as you can be – choice based more on realities and self-reflection and self-awareness. Take your time! I would caution you don’t do something silly like throw away the birth control and let “fate” decide as I have seen some people who are ambivalent do. That is basically choosing pregnancy by opting out of making an informed choice.