Post # 1
How old were you when you knew or decided you would be child free? And was it something you just “knew” or was it a choice?
In my case, I was all of nine years old. Just about a year shy of knowing where babies came from. I thought God sent them & suddenly became worried that God would feel the need to send me one someday.
In retrospect, I can see some of the panic was a symptom of my GAD which wouldn’t be properly dx’d for decades to come.
But, I also think it was pretty clear by age nine that I had no interest in having babies. It never changed for me. I tried to get my tubes tied at 25, but the doctor said I was too young.
Well, now I’m past my childbearing years with no regrets. I am very happy I never had kids, it was absolutely the right choice for me. Though I don’t know if I would call it a true “choice” so much as a “knowing”.
How about the rest of you CFBCers?
Post # 2
I was 11.
I had a similar reaction as you as a child of around 6 or 7. After watching several family members get married and soon after, be pregnant, I thought it was the white fancy ceremonial dress and a kiss that made women pregnant. I refused to wear white for 2 years before someone explained some basics!
I remember one day when I was 11 playing with a toy kitchen with a friend, her mother asked me how many babies would I like to have one day. I said “none” and she laughed and said “You’ll change your mind when you’re older!” and I remember I sort of sing-songed a response under my breath “no I won’t”
Go little me!
Post # 3
I was told the mechanics of sex when I was in kindergarten. It all just sounded gross! Okay, sex is pretty great but pushing out a child, not so much. Never felt the want of kids. There are many amazing women who are born to be wonderful mothers. I’m not one. Never felt I would be. I help take care of my friend’s 2 1/2 year old when he needs help, did so today. She is great! But still can’t see myself as a mother.
Post # 4
sassy411: I have never had any interest in babies or younger children but I suppose I never fully admitted that to myself that didn’t want kids really until my teens. As a kid I had no interest but as a kid you sometimes don’t always have the awareness of what that means or put it into context of you having kids. By the time I was a teen and your more knowledgeable of having children yourself and you even see the odd teen pregnancy you start to think to yourself about your own future on the topic. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around why people would want kids, to me all I could feel or see was the negatives about it. I’ve never felt broody or had any desire towards them, I’m not really enthusiastic about anybody else’s, it’s just how am I suppose.
Post # 5
I was always the same way–zero interest in kids or babies. My parents told me that when I was little, I would push other little kids away at family functions & hang out with the adults.
Now, if there were dogs around, that was a whole other matter. That seems to be where whatever maternal instincts I have want to go.
Post # 6
sassy411: I have never imagined myself as a mother, not even when playing house or with dolls. I am so old that it was still considered OK to do things make little girls play at cooking at home and taking care of baby dolls instead of playing office worker or construction worker (that was for the boys only). I remember telling a teacher that the baby in the crib had to be someone else’s, because I didn’t want it!
Post # 7
sassy411: yep, i knew at a very young age too. never played mommy or loved babies. i didn’t even get along with kids that well when i was a kid. my experience of childhood in general was pretty negative. i love being an adult.
Post # 8
I’ve known since I was a kid. Like I felt awkward around toddlers when I was one. I’ve never liked kids. Ever. When I look at a baby, I don’t go aww and want to hold it. Instead I feel a little grossed out, break into a cold sweat, and try to run away haha
People are still telling me I will change my mind 24 years later… And I’m just like yeah, I’ll mull that over as I enjoy sleeping in tomorrow.
I could see myself adopting when we are much older, and doing so for an older child. But littles just scare me. Unless they are furry and go woof or meow. Then, then I’m a sap. But human offspring terrify me. Especially the thought of having my own!
Post # 9
Honestly I love kids, I don’t like dogs or cats that much but i always knew I never wanted to have any of my own children. I guess it really hit me at a young age around 8 maybe, i watched this old molly ringwald movie with my mom called for keeps, i love the movie but anyways after she had the baby she had a depression phase and began to resent the baby well that went away and there was a happily ever after but there was a line in the movie when she said that when she was pushing out the baby eveything good and young about herself was being ripped away as well and i just thought to myself why would i want to put myself through something like that its not like i have to have children but my family sees it as me being selfish somewhat but idc I know sounds weird but I’d prefer to adopt even thought I could have my own I think childbirth is just too much for me as well as pregnancy some people don’t understand especially my in laws but I feel personally I would resent my children if I had to go through so much pain in some weird way ? But I would love to adopt a child and my husband agrees with me and supports this decision.
Post # 10
When I was little, I always knew I didn’t like kids. But for some reason I literally thought I had to because every woman I knew had kids. I guess in my little mind I thought it was just something women do when they grow up. I figured out I actually had a say in the matter when I was older, and didn’t admit to myself that I really didn’t want kids until I was about 15. It’s the best decesion for me. Thankfully, in NYC there are a lot more women who choose not to have kids and networks for meeting other CF people (who can’t you meet in the city? lol).
Post # 11
I’m finding this thread absolutely fascinating. Amazing how many of us knew early on we didn’t want babies. Intuitively, I can understand the later comfort with adoption of an older child, though I’be never felt it.
Many thanks to all who have posted thus far. You are such interesting people!
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2017 - Not sure
I came upon this decision when I turned 30. I’ve always been on the fence. I always said I absolutely would not want to have children unless I was married. Well, I’m finally engaged. I’m 36. I know plenty of women have kids at my age. But, truth is, I just didn’t want to get to this age to start trying. My Fiance actually hates most kids. So he kinda helped the decision along. Also, I am Bipolar. For me, I figured I probably shouldn’t have kids. Not that Bipolar people shouldn’t have them, don’t get me wrong now, I just figured FOR ME, it is best I go childless. I LOVE kids, but it’s just not in the stars for me.
Post # 13
I was probably around 14-16 when I decided I didn’t want kids. Before that as a child, I wouldn’t play with the baby dolls people insisted on giving me, and I hated it when women would make me hold their babies. I thought babies were boring, ugly, and gross. Not much has changed, lol.
Post # 14
I never wanted children. In my 33 years I’ve not once wanted a child… Never even crossed my mind!
Post # 15
I knew from very early childhood that I never wanted children and I was vocal about it. In fact I’m about to collect on a hell of a lot bets made by foolish relatives who said I would change my mind by x age. About to be very rich lol!
I was never interested in playing house/mum. My dolls had careers and went to the beach with their equally as fabulous fellow childless dolls.
It is not that I dislike kids, infact I find most kids to be better humans than most adults, but I just never wanted any of my own.
My friends call me the child whisperer and tell me it is a waste that I am not having any but mostly I just treat children as fellow humans that have minds and feelings if their own rather than as children. Something I think that often gets lost in the stressful parenting hub bub.