(Closed) CFBC: (Poll): Do You Date People With Kids?

posted 4 years ago in No Kids
  • poll: Do you date people with kids?
    Never! : (64 votes)
    74 %
    Yes, I am open to it. : (9 votes)
    10 %
    Yes, I'm involved with a partner with kids. : (5 votes)
    6 %
    Yes, I'm a stepparent. : (5 votes)
    6 %
    Other (explain). : (4 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6294 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    sassy411:  no way would I get involved with someone with kids; I have very few deal breakers, but that is one. Not only do I not want to play a role in parenting/grandparenting (so, adult children would also be a no as I would be concerned about them having children; grandparents these days seem to be doing more and more when it comes to their grandchildren because of childcare costs etc), but I have fairly strong views about children and so we likely would not be compatible. I’ve also (personally) found that a lot of the CFBC people I know have much more in common with me than just not wanting children: a lot of them are atheist, have liberal-moderate political views, etc. I feel I gel much more with the CFBC people I know than the non CFBC people. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    1773 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Never! I don’t want anyone else’s kids in my life like that either. Total deal breaker.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9044 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Being CFBC means not wanting kids by any means. If you are willing to step parent then you are not CFBC. The only exception would be dating/marrying someone with adult children who no longer need parenting. 

    I kind of look at it like veganism. It is not just a choice not to do one thing (eat animals/give birth) but a whole lifestyle (No animal products/no child rearing or parenting).

    I think this is one of the problems with the good old stereotypes actual CFBC people face. People get confused because some represent themselves as CFBC but really aren’t. Getting told that you will change your mind because Joan was CFBC but adopted/is step parenting and is great at it so you will change your mind too is annoying. If Joan was open to those things it means she was never CFBC. 

    I live a vegan lifestyle because my husband is vegan but I would never call myself vegan because I am open to eating non vegan (but still vegetarian) food if I want. So despite living 98% of the time in a vegan lifestyle and it informs my decisions I am just a vegetarian. 

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee

    It is not easy – thank God everyone does not feel this way. No, you will not agree on parenting styles, neither do most biological parents (Ask around) Be careful to not miss out on the love of your life because they have children. Kids grow up, move out and move on…and if given good morals and guidance will become great friends to you (and their stepparent)! Go where He leads you. It will all be ok!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1941 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2018 - City, State

    I’m a fence sitter but kids have ALWAYS been a deal breaker for me. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3586 posts
    Sugar bee

    sassy411:  so this might be a little hypocritical of me but I wouldn’t date a man with a kid. I have a child my self and dated a guy with a kid. The relationship wasn’t bad. I didn’t know how to parent or be around his kid. The mom was super religious and strict. When I broke up with him his ex told him if he ever got back with me he would never see his kid again. I guess every situation is different.  I have a friend who is dealing with her bf custody battle and taking care of his kid. She always complains and talks about how she is going to resent him and if her feelings are selfish.  In no way is she being selfish but if she  is resentful and knows it can hurt the relationship in the future she needs to think about how the kid may be hurt if she leaves. When it comes to kids especially young children you have to look out for them. My childs dad really is not involved. He see’s her every week but has no say or input. Idk if he doesn’t care or if I just do a great job that he don’t complain.

     

    I should add that my child is from previous relationship.  My Darling Husband does not want any kids. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee

    I agree with most PP in that it’s a big fat no. I don’t want my own children but begrudgingly raising someone else’s genetic material….I lack vocabulary to voice that vehement a no. Especially if the original parental units had to decide on said kids future and I was just the friendly bystander…like a nanny. Ugh. All the bullshit. None of the disciplinary rights.

    (adoption is a different matter)

     I’d like to muddy the water (sorry to slightly thread jack your post OP)

    Would you date a man with fully grown children. Had flown the nest but MIGHT still need occasional parental involvement? 

    Post # 9
    Member
    4698 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Nope. I would never get involved with someone who has children, no matter what their age. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    4238 posts
    Honey bee

    sassy411:  

    I would’ve voted if you had a “no, but I’ll not say never” poll choice. lol

    I wouldn’t/didn’t date those who wanted to parent, were a parent, divorced, or those with obvious signs of “family baggage” (for lack of a better phrase). Having experienced blended family situations myself, (both with joys and pitfalls), I wanted to keep it simple. But I wouldn’t say never.

     

    eta: in fact, I should qualify further. My Darling Husband wanted to parent. I made my CFBC feelings clear. If kids were his dealbreaker, we’d move along. He stayed.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee

    I am in an odd situation. I’m CFBC, but he has 4 of his own. There’s a 15 year age difference between us and although I’m technically a step-parent, I’ve only met them a handful of times in the 5 years we have been together. Two of his kids are all grown up and on their own, and two of them are teenagers living with their mother. The only time I’m reminded of the fact that I am technically a step-parent is when the child support check goes out once a month. Other than that, there is no interaction with them at all. So yes, legally I am a step-parent but that doesn’t change the fact that I am CFBC. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    901 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Never. I know from other family in this situation that there is soooooo much drama associated with this. Never, dealbreaker, no way.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5956 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Astar312:  Are you married to my ex?! Haha!

    sassy411:  

    My ex had 4 kids. I accepted them because I loved him. Long story short, they eventually moved in with us 24/7! Going from 0 to 4 was tough. I loved them, still do, but it wasn’t in my original plan. But life happens! I think as you get a bit older it gets harder to “avoid” dating a guy with kids.

    Post # 15
    Member
    946 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

    Kids is a deal breaker for me too, even before I knew I didn’t want my own.  I come with no past baggage and am not the type of person to take on other people’s.

    The topic ‘CFBC: (Poll): Do You Date People With Kids?’ is closed to new replies.

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