(Closed) Cfbc question

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
3322 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

For me personally, dating men with children has always been a hard no. I have absolutely no interest in having children living in my home full or part time and when I was dating I was looking for a partner to share my life with so there was no sense wasting my time or anyone else’s dating someone whose lifestyle wouldn’t mesh with my own. 

Post # 3
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

When I was single, I didn’t date anyone who had kids or wanted kids. Period. I don’t want kids, I don’t want to be a step-parent, it was a dealbreaker that I literally brought up in the first date. 

Now, I still don’t date anyone with kids, even though the likelihood of me being their stepmom is literally zero. It’s not my lifestyle and I don’t want to set their parents up with that awkward situation.

If a CFBC person dates someone with kids, they are running a sincere risk of becoming a child-having person by default. Not worth it for me.

Post # 5
Member
3322 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

View original reply
manylovesbee1 :  exactly. I didn’t always bring it up on the first date necessarily but I always brought it up early on. 

OP just to add on to my other comment, I honestly think being a step parent is even harder than being a real parent because you have to straddle that line between appropriately dealing with the kids’ bullshit while not overstepping the authority of your partner as well as their ex. I’d be even less inclined to date someone who already had kids thatln someone who was pretty sure they wanted them (but to be clear, I always avoided dating either). 

Dating people with kids is just a big bowl of fuck I want nothing to do with lol 

Post # 6
Member
3322 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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motherbee33 :  eh..it’s all personal preferences. I do think it is a bit weird to date someone with kids if you don’t want them hut I guess that depends on their reasons for not wanting their own. 

Post # 7
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
motherbee33 :  I’m married now, but when I was still dating I wouldn’t consider dating a guy if he had a child. 

 

Post # 8
Member
9066 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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motherbee33 :  Being CFBC means exactly that- being childfree. It means you are choosing not to have children by any means (adoption/surrogacy/marriage). Not wanting to have your own biological children is not the same as being CFBC though people often confuse it as being the same.

Are you dating someone who says they don’t want kids? 

Post # 9
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

View original reply
motherbee33 :  Different from what? Being CFBC?

It’s definitely odd. I’m the last person in the world to argue what CFBC “means” (and hate that every CFBC thread dissolves into that, UGH) but I really think that if you’re open to being a step-parent … you’re still a parent, just of a different origin. Maybe a “fence sitter” would be ok with it?

Are you in that situation?

Post # 11
Member
9066 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
motherbee33 :  Well none of us can speak for your friend when she says “she doesn’t want kids” because she could just mean she doesn’t want biological kids but is ok with being a step-parent. But it is also possible that if she is CFBC that she thinks this guy is worth giving up living a childfree life. It does happen. 

If you are concerned that your friend is moving too fast in a relationship then talk to her. It would be fine to say you are concerned and confused given she has indicated she doesn’t want kids and ask her how she is feeling and what she is thinking. 

Personally as someone who is solidly CFBC I would never date someone with or who wanted children but I can’t say I haven’t seen people who say they are CFBC dating someone who wants/has children. Sometimes it is because they don’t want a serious relationship and the kids factor makes it easier to walk away. Sometimes it is because they love the person and choose not to give them up.

Post # 12
Member
10640 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

When I was actually dating I think I would have been cautious of dating someone with kids.  Wouldn’t have bothered with someone I didn’t know well, it would have to be a friend I was interested in romantically.  It would have just been very unusual, very few of my peers had kids.  Back then it was less of ‘I never want kids’ as just everything that comes along with someone who has them (I also felt similar about divorced people).

Now, it’s really difficult to imagine myself in a dating situation.  So I won’t 100% say no, but it wouldn’t be something I would be seeking.  Ages of the kids/how much he would see them would factor in.  I would also not be impressed if someone had children and wasn’t really involved.

Post # 13
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

I mean, she’s not making the decision I would, definitely. I’m there with you. And it’s not unheard of for younger or not particularly romantically experienced people to make less-than-advisable decisions. But at the end of the day it’s their business, soooo …

Post # 14
Member
2832 posts
Sugar bee

Nope.  For me being CFBC included not saying anyone with (young) kids.  I’m not sure how I’d feel about dating someone who’s kids were grown; I’m only just now at the point in my lif where it’s a hypothetical possibility – other than the fact I’m not on be market!

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