(Closed) CFBC: What hurts the most about your decision?

posted 6 years ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee

This one’s easy for me: thinking about the three very good men that I eventually had to end relationships with because they ended up deciding they wanted to be fathers, dwelling on the fact that I have already been luckier than many people to have met three such good men, and worrying if I will be lucky enough to meet at least one more (who will be OK w/my CFBC choice).  Lots of hurt.  Lots. 

Post # 4
Member
4812 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

At first I was going to say nothing as that was my gut response but then I thought…the only thing that saddens me a bit is that my mother will most likely never meet a grandchild, and I know she would like to (though she tells me she accepts she will only know her furry ones). She has terminal cancer. I am childfree, and the oldest of her children by a few years. None of my other siblings have children (and while one or two may, it won’t be for a long while yet.) Not that she has ever pressured me for kids, it’s just something that kind of pangs me at times, but there are lots of things that hurt about her diagnosis and that will be lost.

That’s it, and definitely not something that raises any regret or questions about my choice. It is not even about ME missing out as I don’t feel I am missing out on anything I would want! I don’t feel like I am missing out on her meeting MY kids, just meeting any grandkids!

Post # 5
Member
4078 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

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MarriedToMyWork:  Big hugs to you. There will be your someone.

For me, what hurts has little to do with what I am ‘missing out’ on (because I don’t feel I am missing out) , and more to do with being told and reading posts about how I will never know what true love is because I have not had a child. I find this drivel offensive to my very core.

I am glad that there are parents smitten with their children, I am glad there are good parents out there working hard to raise babies into happy contended children and hopefully constructive adults, but to say that because I am not following the same life path I am not experiencing the fullness of human emotion is not true. No one can know what I feel, how I love, the depths of emotion.

Having a baby would make me a worse person, not a better one, and I would never want to parent a child I did not want. What a burden on them that would be. It hurts that I can understand why someone else would want to have children, but it seems many of those who have children cannot understand why I don’t want them.

 

Post # 6
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I honestly can’t think of anything. We have SEVERAL nieces and nephews, so I feel that we’ll always have connections to youth and also our bloodline is still thriving thanks to his brothers and my sister. I also have my youngest brother who doesnt have children, but I know that’s in his plans down the road. My hubs and I are the only CFBC’ers in our immediate families. Maybe when I’m older I’ll feel differently? Because right now I can only think of good that comes from our decision lol.

Post # 7
Member
4078 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

View original reply
RayKay:  I understand this. I am thankful my brother gave my parents grandbabies. Made the path much less stressful. Sorry to hear about your Mum, I can’t imagine how difficult that must be.

Post # 8
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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LaurenMJ:  Disappointing my parents. Especially my mother. They don’t know yet and I’m really not looking forward to telling them……

Post # 9
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

Why would anything hurt me about my decision? Nothing about it hurts. That’s why I’m not having them. =)

Post # 10
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Talus Rock Retreat

For me the only thing is that my mom won’t have a grandchild from me…I know she would really love a grandchild for me, but I just don’t want a child. Also for my fiance’s dad. I know he would probably love for us to have one too, but it’s just not in the cards for me:)

Post # 11
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Currently, the most hurtful thing is when I explain CFBC to my friends or close family and explain that my choice is partially motivated by not wanted to pass down mental illness genetics to a child, they immediately look stunned and agree. Logically I’m glad they get it, and it would be far worse if they were disagreeable or cajoling, but the immediacy with which they all grasp the situation, review my medical history and that of my SO, and agree that it’s not a solid gene pool stings a little. 

Post # 12
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
LaurenMJ:  nothing! dh and i feel like not having kids is the gift that keeps on giving. i know that sounds weird but it’s true! we have an awesome life and we would be absolutely miserable as parents. not everyone is cut out for every job and parenting is pretty all or nothing. life is crazy short and no one can make me feel bad for spending my days the way i want! there are enough random obstacles and unavoidable stresses in life as it is!

dh and i have an awesome totally stress-free relationship. we want the same things and we really have nothing to fight about. i feel like having kids is an instant point of contention for most couples. everyone says having kids changes everything, and we like things the way they are. we also love our home the way it is (peaceful, tidy, quiet) and we love our time. it’s not unusual for us to spend hours just researching things, doing projects, learning, etc. we have lots of hobbies. i go hiking pretty much every day and dh stargazes at night. i love that some weekends we sleep until 11, watch movies, and order a pizza for lunch and other weekends we’re off exploring, traveling, hanging out with friends, or going on adventures.  

 

 

Post # 13
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

As much as babies, child birth, suckling (ew), scrimping to provide to raise a tiny precious gift that is quick to blame parents- atleast in my family history- that all sounds pretty awful and not worth the trouble. When I see how proud my husband’s mother is of her children, how she loves them so much, it makes me reconsider. It was worth it for her. Her children and grandchildren are her life, atleast the best parts of it. I feel like I might miss out on something amazing because I am selfish and stubborn. I don’t even know if I would be a good enough mother. 

There are so many children in this world that need a safe and loving home. IF- big f’n IF- we decide on kids later on adopting would be my preference. The husband could go either way. He would be thrilled to have kids but he has accepted that nearing 40 it may not happen. 

Post # 14
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee

I’m scared of the time where many of my friends will have kids. I feel like I will lose them.

I’m also sad for my mom. She would love a grandchild. 

It does suck too that I have crummy genetics, which isnt the primary reason but one that always brings me back if I start to wonder. It sucks when other people agree, like another poster said. 

It’s also a little sad that others look down on me because I don’t want any. That I’m ignorant or cold.

Overall not having children is the right choice for me, despite those things. I don’t want any of that kid stuff, and I hate sticky hands and poop.

Post # 15
Member
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

That we won’t ever be a “real” family.

…I know I know. 

The topic ‘CFBC: What hurts the most about your decision?’ is closed to new replies.

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