(Closed) CFBC: What hurts the most about your decision?

posted 6 years ago in No Kids
Post # 31
Member
743 posts
Busy bee

The only thing that bothers me to any degree is the people who are assholes about my decision, and the ones who insist that I’ll change my mind. 

Post # 32
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Not CFBC, but we had to think long and hard about having kids. Getting pregnant was going to be a long, tough, expensive road. So we were on the fence. What pushed me forward was thinking about my later years. I’m not looking forward to infant, baby or teenage years. But the pockets of happy times inbetween and after they are older is what moved me to have a child. 

This is what scared me…my Mom’s friend is in her late 70’s/early 80’s. She is mostly blind. English is her 2nd language. She’s always been difficult and kinda cranky, so she doesn’t have many friends (and none near her). No neices or nephews. Her husband died suddenly. Now she is all alone and has few people in her life to help her. 

I know that there are lots of variables–having a kid is no guarantee that they will help you when you are older; many years of painful parenting (and lack of sleep) isn’t worth it for the few months/years you’ll need them when you are older. So really not a great reason to have a kid. But it is something that I thought about. 

Post # 33
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

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RayKay:  Thank you!! That was a superb article, and I’ll definitely be checking out that book 🙂

Post # 34
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee

I do feel a little sad bc I know my parents would LOVE to be grandparents, and I’m not sure if my brother will have kids, although he really wants them. I hope he does! I also worry about being alone when I’m old, but like John Waters says, I’ll just have to work on cultivating young friends. The truth is that you could end up with a special needs kid who is never independent or able to care for you in old age, so I truly believe that that’s not a good reason to have kids.

Post # 35
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

The one and only thing that hurts about my decision is that my father will never have a biological grandchild and my mother will never have a living granddaughter.

But then I remember my dad never even wanted kids in the first place and both parents are happy that I will never be having children. So I get over it quickly.

And tbh OP, just because you have a kid/children, doesn’t mean they neccessarily will grow up wanting to have anythingto do with you. Plenty of kids grow up hating their families, even if they come from a very loving one. There is no guarantee.

Post # 36
Member
8373 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

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mrshmc1204:  Regarding how many American parents make their world revolve around their children, this is so true today. It wasn’t always like this, though, and I think overall, it’s become more extensive with each successive generation. I was born in the 1960s, and I experienced a much different reality. My sibling and I went where our parents needed to go, and we were expected to be good and keep quiet while we were there.

Not all of this progression has been bad, though, as many parents seemed to lack sensitivity to their children, and it seemed to be cool back then for parents to brag about that. For example, I had distant cousins who were not ever “allowed” to cry. Not even if they injured themselves while playing outside. The fact that they didn’t cry even when they got hurt made me suspect that the consequences of doing so we’re pretty hefty. That made me feel sad for those kids.

Post # 37
Member
912 posts
Busy bee

The one thing is that it would be cute to see some little DH look-alikes. But really nothing is worth it to me and it doesn’t “hurt” or make me feel anything. I’ll just wait for some nephews and nieces from his 3 brothers…although none of them seem to be wanting kids either haha. And my brother and his wife don’t want kids either. Good thing my parents didn’t care if they got grandkids or not. My mom actually told me not to have kids! 

 

 

Post # 38
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

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LaurenMJ:  

I would have a child if I did not have certain health problems. However, I know that my health issues would be putting mine and my baby’s health at risk and I don’t want to do that.

I would have a high risk pregnancy and post partum would likely be a nightmare. 

What hurts me is that I feel left out when I see everyone else having kids. It’s a unique kind of grief. I know that I’m making the right choice for my health and for my marriage. It still hurts though. 

Post # 39
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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OldestTree:  Amen!!!

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