Post # 1
Sorry to be so-U.S. centric because I know we have CFBC bees from all over, but I am curious where you live and if you think regions affect people’s choice to be child-free.
I personally live in the south (Charleston), but surprisingly don’t think that it has had any impact on being CFBC. I thought when we moved here four years ago that I would get way more questions about it, but in general people are indifferent or supportive. Maybe there would be pressure if I was originally from here? What have your experiences been?
Post # 2
ValAsInVal: I live in the south west of England. I know a couple of CFBC people who are my friends but I must say we are the miniority around where I live. Most people I went to school with have at least one kid, the majority have several. I love having my couple of friends that ‘get it’ and I don’t feel as much of a weirdo for not following the herd.
I have had a lot of pressure, comments and questions over the time about it that range from, ‘Oh that’s nice’ (while slowly backing away) to ‘Enjoy your cancer with the lifestyle you have chosen for yourself’. People here think it’s alright to ask these private questions and feel it’s even more ok to do follow up comments/questions to give they’re opinion on your life. If you decide you don’t want kids you get looked at like your the biggest freak, a woman that doesn’t want kids is just apparently not possible to them. One of the comments that extra bug is ‘you will never know what true love feels like’. So the love for my fiance and friends and family suddenly don’t count or something? And then them acting like I am missing a huge part of my life, stupid to me.
Post # 3
I live in the Mid-Atlantic region of the US and find that it’s really common here for women to wait until their mid to late 30s to have children or be CFBC, as opposed to the southern US where I grew up. I’m grateful for it, as it allows me and Fiance space to decide what we truly want (we are CFBC for now but are fence-sitting) without a lot of pressure from friend groups.
Plus, Future Brother-In-Law has had a kid and Future Sister-In-Law definitely wants them, so no family pressure for Fiance which is great!
Post # 4
I live on the east coast of Canada where there is a strong religious history- especially in the rural communities like my hometown. The assumption there is that couples will fit the common mold and get married and then go on to have children (for the longest time too, the tradition lingered that women stayed at home, and the husband was the provider- that’s eased a little bit, but the mindset is still a bit behind the times).
When Darling Husband and I got married, within a month we were being asked when we plan on having kids. As far I know, I am one of the only ones in my extended family that is not able to have a child (I’m one of the last to get married, and the rest of my cousins already have children). Because it’s so normative for people to ask about kids where I come from, I knew the questions were inevitable; still, it’s pretty uncomfortable being asked and having to go against the status quo.
Post # 5
My husband and I live in a Red State in the Midwest. We are conservative Christians. Neither of us necessarily broadcast our CFBC-ness, so I’m not sure really what the people in our area would say or how they would react, but our friends haven’t given us any crap for it. My mother was surprised when I told her, but she admits that it is our choice to make. Other than her, the only family (whether mine or my husband’s) that knows we are CFBC is one of my cousins and his wife.
I could see how our conservative background and the fact that we live in a Red State could affect how people might react to us, but so far we’ve been pretty “lucky”, I guess. But, to be honest, we’d rather live somewhere more conservative, even if that meant getting some flack from people for being CFBC. We can certainly hold our own. 😛
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2016 - Backyard
I live in the South, but am a transplant from the midwest. I think living in a big city makes being CFBC not so frowned upon. I work with two CFBC individuals. And I have several friends who are CFBC.
However, I lived in a rural town in the bible belt (few years ago) and it was a no-no being 30 something, single, and no children. Oh and not being religious.
Post # 7
I live in the south (Bible Belt), so it’s not as common to encounter people who are CFBC. I’ve joined a couple of groups though. It’s just interesting to see how social dynamics change with people who have children. There was an event scheduled in a group that I’m in. Everyone that had children (except for the one with a live-in nanny) cancelled their RSVP’s the day of the event due to child care issues. So, that’s one of the reasons I hope to find more CFBC friends.
Post # 8
We live in New England (NH, specifically), which is an even mixture of CFBCs and those who have kids. A good amount start in their early-to-mid 30s.
I think more CFBCs live in MA – particularly in Boston and its immediate metro area.
Post # 9
I live in the Pacific Northwest on the east side of Washington in a place where to be CFBC is like you grew a third head…
I need some friends…everyone has kids.
Post # 10
I’m also in the Bible Belt in Northeast Tennessee, and Darling Husband and I are definitely in the minority with the whole no-kid thing. One of my cousins just had her fourth boy today actually, and there’s enough little boys running around on my dad’s side of the family that I’ve lost count! However, my cousins on my mom’s side of the family don’t have kids yet, but I know one definitely wants to soon. I have one cousin on my dad’s side that’s CFBC, as well as one of DH’s co-workers and her husband. Other than that, we live in a super tiny rural town where the population is either retired, families with kids, or college students commuting to the one community college where I teach. We stopped going to the one church we visited because we were literally the only young couple in the tiny congregation that didn’t have kids. We need some more CFBC couples friends!
Post # 11
SilvanArrow: “We need some more CFBC couples friends!”
Ugh! Tell me about it! I’d just be happy with knowing one CFBC person IRL, let alone have couples friends that are CFBC! 😛
Post # 12
Southern California! There are plenty of CFBC couples here. I attened a pool party last summer and 6 of the 7 ladies there were CFBC. Boom! My husband and I have numerous friends and co-workers in that category, ranging in age from late 20’s to retirees.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
Miss-Mauverick: I also live in Southern California and we know quite a few people in our age group (upper 20s or so) that are CFBC. I have two uncles that purposefully never have kids, as well. Otherwise, I find the only people that are really gungho about my uterus is like the random older conservative coworker or something like that haha.
Post # 14
I live in the UK. I have one (possibly two) friends who are CFBC. Most people seem fine and accepting of my choice, but because I look young for my age, I think that many people who don’t know me that well assume that I will change my mind ‘when I get older’. Most of my friends (around mid 30s) either have or want children, and tend to have their first babies between around 30 and 35/36.
Post # 15
I live in Mexico (north east side). Being CFBC here is almost impolite! When people find out we are married they ALWAYS ask “how many kids do you have?”, when we tell them we don’t have and aren’t planning on they follow with “what…but, why?” and then there are odd looks and comments. My husband has even received comments of other men saying he shouldn’t had married if we didn’t have kids on the way.
Almost all gals I know wish to have kids in the near future. So I usually find myself in CFBC chats with single guys who don’t plan on having families. LOL