CFBC… Who does your stuff go to when you die?

posted 11 months ago in No Kids
  • poll: Who gets your stuff when you die?
    My spouse only : (23 votes)
    58 %
    My spouse doesn't get anything. It reverts back to your own flesh and blood relatives : (0 votes)
    You will do a mixed will : (17 votes)
    43 %
  • Post # 2
    694 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

    I plan to leave everything to my husband. I’m CFBC, but I’m also an only child. My SIL is CFBC too, so there wouldn’t be any younger family members to leave things to.

    My husband is older, so realistically, chances are he’ll go first and I won’t have any relatives to pass things to. In that event I’ll probably leave some things to friends, and the rest to charity.

    Post # 3
    5564 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    My husband is totally against this. He is very hurt that I do not want him to inherit all of my stuff despite him wanting to give me all of his. He says that my brother is not poor, he still has a decent life. And it is my bro’s own decision to have kids, so why should my husband  be punished for it? 

    Your husband wouldn’t be being punished for anything though.  If your husband’s argument is that your brother is not poor and doesn’t need the money then surely for that exact reason it shouldn’t go to your husband either? 

    This situation is confused by the kids and child free aspect, in my opinion it is totally irrelevant.  You aren’t basing inheritance off the fact that your brother has kids and you don’t but that your brother is a close family member and you would like to see him helped out a bit. 

    I think your husband is being slightly unreasonable and it points to a selfish trait in his personality.  Hopefully he will come around, if I didn’t have kids I would like some of my assets to go to be brother also so I totally understand. 

    Post # 4
    2794 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I am no CFBC, but my husband had an uncle who was child free (and unmarried). His family own a lot of property so he had a large estate to be dealt with when he died. He left everything to his neice and nephew (my husband).

    In all honesty – it is up to you who you leave your assets to. I think it is perfectly understandable to want to leave something to your brother or your neices / nephews. It is not punishing your husband at all.

    Post # 5
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    We are CFBC and both of us have made significant personal bequests to our respective family members, favourite charities, even friends. The rest will go to the surviving spouse. 

    Personally, I find your husband’s point of view petty and selfish, since it does not sound like he (your husband) will be harmed by receiving a little bit less. I think it is wonderful that you would like to give something back to your brother as a thank you for the support (whether financial or emotional) he has given you. I would be very put off by an attitude of feeling of entitlement  to ALL my belongings and wealth, instead of honouring my wishes to set a bit apart for another loved one.

    I would revisit the subject and try and bring him around to seeing that you wish to share some of your wealth with a family member and being able to do so is a wonderful thing. If he won’t accept it, I would still do it. I wouldn’t let that level of selfishness influence my decision. 

    I hope you can work it out so that your husband realises it doesn’t mean you love him less! 🙂 Xx

    Post # 6
    10668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    mrsbjj17 :  

    You may leave your estate to whomever you wish.  If hubby or anyone else is carping about it, too bad.

    As a general principle, most of us are far better off setting up a living trust, rather than just a will, for a variety of reasons. The will can be incorporated into the trust, as well as your power of attorney docs, should you need to take over the finances and make medical decisions.

    Talk to a trust attorney. If you have a high tolerance for details, you can DIY it at Legalzoom. They have docs set up for each state in the US.

    My situation is similar.  I am CFBC with no close family.  Dh has two adult sons on the other side of the country.  I can’t say we’re close, though I am gradually developing a relationship with the younger son.

    Maybe they will become my heirs, maybe not. I, too, am more interested in a charitable organization that helps dogs. One area I would like to pursue is groups that raise funds to purchase protective vests for police K9s.

    K9s are being shot or stabbed way too often and many departments don’t have the budget to cover vests. Many K9s are killed that way and it’s unnecessary. In the old days, the vests were hot and heavy; they are better now.

    I think JQP just assumes that PDs provide vests for their K9s. Not true, unfortunately.



    Post # 7
    81 posts
    Worker bee

    Apologies if I am overstepping as I am not CFBC. My opinion is (as based on how my parents have arranged everything and so have my husband and I) is that it is best to provide for your spouse first and then come up with a plan on how everything should be divided after you are both gone. This way if your husband were to need some very expensive care later in life all the money would be available to him. You can even do an irrevocable will I believe (not a financial planner so please talk to one instead of taking advice from me!) which could divide your assets after both of you are gone and if one partner goes first it cannot be changed. So that way you can be assured your brother and/or his children get something regardless of who goes first. If there is anything left at that point anyway. My husband and I have everything going to each other first then children so it is essentially the same. 

    Post # 8
    9044 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    mrsbjj17 :  If there is no “my money/assets” as you say then I guess I can see where your husband is coming from. I also agree that having children was your brother’s choice and as long as he isn’t struggling then what makes him more entitled to your husband and your money (since there is no my money) than your husband who is an active contributing member of the partnership?

    As pp said what if at the time of your death or after your husband is struggling and could use that money. A friend of mine was widowed and fell into depression and couldn’t work. Luckily their partner provided for them through their will. 

    Post # 9
    2794 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I don’t think the OP is talking if depriving her husband just of acknowledging her family as well as her husband. j_jaye :  

    Post # 10
    537 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I met my husband fairly late in life, and so I had thought about how I would want my assets distributing if I’d died when single. Now I’m married, of course it’s different, but I would still want some of my assets to go to the family, friends and charities I cared about before I met him. I still care about those things. Of course they’d get less now though.

    I wouldn’t expect him to leave everything to me either. I think your husband is being a bit selfish to want to prevent you from leaving anything to your brother who you are close to, or your nephews and nieces. 

    Post # 11
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would want everything to pass to my husband and then when we are both gone money to pass to the nieces and nephews. Your husband might be well off now, but that could easily change. You need to think further into the future and all of the scenarios that could occur after you pass. Your brother’s kids could be grown up by then and your husband could be unable to work or in need of expensive care.

    Post # 12
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    My fiancé will leave everything to me as he is an only child I will leave the majority to him and some to my two nephews. My fiancé understands and respects that decision

    Post # 13
    3389 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2021

    My Fiance and I just have one another as benefactors. After that, once the second one dies, assets will be split between our remaining next of kin. I know we should do an actual will and set stuff out properly, but it hasn’t been a pressing issue for us because both our families are chill AF and not the type to fight over division of assets. I know, I know, everyone thinks their family will be mature about it, but honest to goodness, I cannot for the life of my envision them being greedy, selfish asswads in the aftermath of us dying. 

    Also, right now we really don’t have much to divide up lol

    Post # 14
    10651 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I don’t see this as a CFBC thing specifically.  If one of my parents died, I wouldn’t expect to get any money, it would stay with the other parent.

    The same is for Darling Husband and I, if I die, it all stays with him.  I have listed my sister as a beneficiary on some assets, but that’s secondary to Darling Husband.  Our assets are joint, if one of us dies they other keeps the rest.

    I think what azaleapetunia posted makes lots of sense.


    Post # 15
    542 posts
    Busy bee

    Since you’re affluent, I’m sure that you have enough to leave for both your husband and your brother’s children. 

    You’re doing very noble work for cats. I think that’s lovely. 


    Leave a comment

    Find Amazing Vendors