Post # 1
I have been unnecessarily stressed and I need some advice from other CFBC-ers. I work in a small office with all women and most of the time, I love it. However, lately I have been running into the issue of the mom in the office getting more breaks than me and other child free coworkers. I am starting to get resentful that she makes more money and has more seniority than I do, but works fewer hours and has almost no expectation of working late or off the 9-5 schedule. I know this is something that I need to come to terms with, but I can’t help but be irritated that my time is not as valued as hers is. My boss and I get along, but she is also a mom and I don’t want to seem petty by bringing up this issue with her.
I think the crux of my issue is that this other worker is more high maintenance than me, kids or not, and I’m over it. I also know I should just focus on my own work, but in such a small office (5 full-time employees), we often have to work as a team.
Post # 2
I know this feeling well. Since I do not have a child I am stuck doing more in the office and working late into the evening. I guess people figure I have no life since I have no kids, so why would I want to go home. I am sure it is very hard for coworks with kids to work and rear children, but I think I am treated a bit like a work horse as a result. Sorry, no advise. It just sucks.
Post # 3
I think sometimes you need to put your foot down for yourself. Your life matters too! And do an excellent job while you’re there so no one can dispute your effectiveness. “Sorry I can’t stay late, I have plans”. Also, definitely do not bring this up to your boss. It will sound petty.
Post # 4
I think this is a natural result in these situations. I’m not CFBC but I have similarly wondered why it’s ok for people to take 23 smoke breaks a day and I don’t. BUT it’s really not worth the worry IMO unless it’s completely out of control.
Post # 5
I think everyone’s time is equally valuable but I am also understanding that working as a mom is a big challenge too… I think you have the right attitude of trying not to let it get to you. Maybe venting on here will help you.
Post # 6
Also, i agree with MrsBuesleBee
… gotta set your own boundaires within reason and while not being petty. So every once in a while you can’t stay late because you have plans but not because “she didn’t have to stay late”
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I would probably just make it a point to let people know you have plans and can’t be expected to stay late/ work extra hours/ etc. It isn’t fair that people assume you have nothing better to do bc a kid doesn’t need you.
Post # 8
Why don’t you stop staying late then? If no one else does, why are you? You have to stand up for yourself. I’m not CFBC but I’d be looking for another job if they put extra work on you and forced you to stay late.
Post # 9
stop staying late! I used to stay late because stuff needed to get done and if I didn’t stay, it wouldn’t get done on time.
then i realized I should just extend estimated due dates. Should something be doable in a day? Sure, but make it done in a week.
Stay late problem solved.
Post # 10
I’ll be honest… even when I didn’t have a kid, I never stayed later than I needed to. Ever. I guess that makes me a lazy worker, but when my work was done and my time was up, I had friends, and a husband, and other important things in my life. But I was never paid overtime either so it was never worth it. I had a life before kids and if I couldn’t stay late, I couldn’t stay late. Sometimes they needed me to, but most times, they could care less if I worked my 40 hours and went home.
OP, if you don’t need to stay late, don’t stay late. If your boss is specifically making just you stay late all the time then that’s different but I’m not seeing that as a problem in your original post. It looks like you are choosing to stay later
Post # 11
If there’s only 5 of you im pretty sure your boss is picking up on the fact that you’re the one picking up all the late night work and she should find a way to redistribute. You might not think she notices, but trust. Bosses are aware of way more shit than you think. And if not, she’s not being a very good boss.
In any case, I’m in an industry where late nights are a given, but over my past couple years here, I’ve realized that (a) I want to have a life and (b) my work is never as important as it seems. So if something comes in that needs late night work, and I know I don’t have much planned that night, I’ll take one for the team and volunteer to do it. But that means when something else comes in and I have something more important that I’ve been wanting to do (a date night, happy hour, a mani, whatever!) then I just say, “sorry this is one that I just can’t do.” My bosses recognize that I’ve stepped up before so they respect that and ask someone else.
as long as you do a good job at what you do, no one is going to hold it against you that you’re not living at the office. And if they do, then I would happily try to find another job.
Post # 12
I agree with PPs that you definitely have to put your foot down at some point. I personally don’t think it’s something you should just come to terms with. Before I started my own business, I was working on a small team (almost all women, all with kids except me), and my personal life and personal schedule got zero respect. They assumed that my DH and I just did nothing all evening and all weekend since we don’t have kids, and they couldn’t understand why I wasn’t putting in all this extra unpaid work. As you can see, I kept to my own required schedule and said goodbye to them as soon as possible!
Post # 13
I think there’s a time and place to bring this up with your boss. Not so much for the breaks, but if the rest of the team has to stay late for a major project, and she won’t, that’s an issue. Keep to the facts, and just say something like “I’m concerned that the last three times we’ve had to stay late/come in early for projects X, Y, and Z, not all team members were there. I understand everyone has a personal life outside of work, but this caused us to stay an extra hour every time. Our time is valuable too, and I feel that this lack of teamwork is impacting all of us.” You won’t need to name her, your boss knows. Your boss might think that you all worked it out, or that you don’t mind. Managers aren’t mind readers, if there’s an issue, it needs to be properly communicated.
Post # 14
I think you’re taking what’s an issue with someone else’s seniority and turning it into a CFBC issue. It sounds like this co-worker takes full advantage of her seniority to stick to the most desirable schedule, not work extra hours, etc. And honestly, do you blame her? There’s a lot to be said for paying your dues and staying around long enough to be at the top of the totem pole.
I think you need to clearly articulate to your boss the times when her inflexibility of schedule hurt the rest of the team and propose a solution as well as raising a complaint, and I think you need to make this be about the schedule and not about who has kids. If you tell your boss “waaaahhh Sheila never works past 5 pm and she gets better hours than me because she has a kid” then you’re not going to get anywhere, but if you say something like “If we each cover one week of potential after-hours duty, everyone contributes equally, the customers get what they need, and no one gets burned out” it might go over better.
Frankly, I’m CFBC and I’m senior on my team and I freely admit I’ve paid my dues and the new guys can pick up the weird hours and tedious work. I think it is a mistake to make this be a kids/no-kids issue.
Post # 15
“I think you’re taking what’s an issue with someone else’s seniority and turning it into a CFBC issue.”
Yep, that was my thought too. Without more context, it is hard to know for sure, but in every office I have ever been in, those higher up have more flexibility and sway. Newcomers are usually the worker bees until they too have established themselves. I’m not really saying it’s right or wrong, just it is.