(Closed) CFBC/No kids 'everywhere' and I feel guilty that I want kids?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Do what is best for you. There are great points on both sides and it is a decision that is soley made by the couple. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. 

Post # 3
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Haruyou:  let’s just trade places, casue I feel the opposite.

Post # 4
Member
4073 posts
Honey bee

Haruyou:  Like PP said, do what makes you happy! I personally love being a mother! I’ve found a healthy balance between mom life, and still being “me.” Being a parent isn’t for everyone, and I respect that. Being child free isn’t for everyone, and I respect that too. Don’t worry about what other people think, just do what makes you happy. 

Post # 5
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Haruyou:  You have to do what you want! Choosing to become a parent is a decision that no one should be making for you except you and your partner. For many people, they’ve chosen that it’s not the right path for them and they feel fulfilled in alternate ways. For others like yourself, parenthood is the life they want. If you choose to become a parent, YES, you will miss out on some traveling and lavish nights out. And if you’re a good parent, you won’t resent your children for causing you to miss those things, and they’ll be completely worth all of it.

I think the reason it’s blowing up all over the internet and society right now is that these are the first couple of generations where people (esp. women) can be completely open about not wanting to become mothers, and they want to shout it from the rooftops because of all the societal pressures we’ve been under our entire lives to pop out a child(ren). A lot of people really feel like they’re breaking out of their chains by openly defying the expectation that womanhood=motherhood. For those who have struggled with the decision and are “on the fence”, it’s a lot of pressure when family and friends and society are constantly demanding that you surrender your body to the demands of reproduction…and in doing so, surrender your body to the needs of another human. That’s a very emotional thing to deal with, and finding a community of supporters can really help some of us get through it.

Post # 6
Member
2506 posts
Sugar bee

Uh…really?!? You’re in the MAJORITY. CFBC/No Kids is A MINORTY GROUP. It’s still considered “standard” and “expected” for women to have children. So much so, that women who dont are quite ruthlessly judged as “being selfish”, “hating children”, and “not being a real woman”. You see posts, blogs, etc because it’s the chance for a MINORTY group to find others who are like minded. 

You DO NOT get to complain about feeling excluded from a MINORTY group, when you’re the majority. Check your privilege, please. 

Post # 7
Member
47278 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The thing is that EVERYONE should feel comfortable with their choices. Just because CFBC is garnering a lot of attention right now, doesn’t mean that those who do want children need to hide their desires or feel guilty about them.

To each his own.

Post # 8
Member
4527 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

ilovesophia:  Inclined to agree.

I don’t know what circles you are moving in OP, but wanting and having children is what the vast majority of people do. 

Post # 9
Member
2756 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

Haruyou:  Maybe you need new friends?

If your friends can’t grasp that there are people who want different things in life than they do then maybe it’s time to cut them loose, they sound kind of self absorbed.

 

You have to make decisions that are right for your life and your relationship, other people cannot make those calls for you, and they should not try to.

Marriage and a family has always been the most important goal of mine. I married young and started having kids realatively young and lost some friends because we are just in such different places. I wouldn’t change anything. If I hadn’t had my kids when I did, if I waited until my 30’s like my HS friends I wouldn’t have had any because of a health condition. I have lots of amazing, supportive friends now and the life I wanted so I do not miss the girls I’ve stopped talking to. 

Post # 11
Member
597 posts
Busy bee

Welcome to the Internet and parenting! Once you’re a parent, the internet will seem filled with people who are crazy about how you feed your kid, how you help them sleep, how you medicate them, how you dress them – EVERYTHING. And no matter what side of the fence you’re on, the other side is there and seems very loud. So I guess what I’m saying is, develop a thick skin to it now because it will really help you later.

Post # 13
Member
7501 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Haruyou:  That’s funny because everywhere I go I feel like I’m being told I need to have kids NOW and that it’s not normal to not want kids. I can’t go on Facebook without seeing ten different baby photos…

I think you need to develop a thicker skin and/or find different websites or friends that support you.

Post # 14
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Cellar 222

 

BrightGreen:  Although it’s true that less women are having kids that study is terribly done and click-baity. They count in women /girls starting at age 15 which means that they are adding millions of women into the study who are not actually childfree, just too young to be ready for kids

Post # 15
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Obviously I don’t know you, but based on this post and a previous one about your best friend, I feel like you worry way too much about what other people think. Own your life decisions. Stop seeking unanimous approval for everything you do, because you will never get it. 

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