- 4 years ago
- Wedding: February 2016
I apologize in advance for the lengthy post, but I could really use some advice and I may as well share the whole story. I’m getting married in a few weeks and my uncle was supposed to walk me down the aisle but due to recent circumstances I’m thinking of walking down solo. My father has mobility issues, and right after I got engaged he said to me, before I could ask him to walk me down the aisle, that he didn’t think it was a good idea and I should ask my uncle instead, so I did and he accepted. (Side note: not sure if that’s the norm, but regardless of what standard American etiquette indicates, my culture has a different approach to many wedding related things… just getting that out of the way). Last month I had to go to an inservice for work, and I asked my uncle to stop in and take out my dog. He’s looked after Kippy many times over the years. Kippy meant everything to me. She was always leashed every time we went outside because a. I adopted her later in life and she could sometimes get spooked by loud noises/other animals and I didn’t want her to run off and b. we live near a big highway and c. in our area, hunters can leave traps in almost ANY wooded area, EVEN on private property, EVEN without the owners permission … dogs have been injured or killed because of this. Well, I came home from the inservice to learn that Kippy had been hit by a car and died pretty much instantly. The driver never even stopped. My uncle first told me that she had pulled the leash out of his hand and took off. When I found her leash in the usual spot and asked him about it, he said that he had brought one of his own dog’s leashes to use. Finally, he admitted to me that he just didn’t leash her that day when he took her out and it was a mistake on his part. I used some vacation days that I had set aside for the week before the wedding and spent them at home crying nonstop, and then I accepted she was gone. Nothing would bring her back and feeling angry and resentful wouldn’t change anything. I had many wonderful years with Kippy and I will always cherish her. I told my uncle I forgave him. Shortly after this happened, it was my shower day. A group of friends and relatives and co-workers came over to my house after the day’s festivities for an after-party. At one point, someone was in the bathroom and my uncle starting pounding on the door and screamed so loud everyone could hear, “Hurry up! What are you doing, taking a s**t in there?” Now, he wasn’t completely intoxicated or anything. In our language, the s-word is the word you use to describe going to the bathroom. The word for bathroom/washroom/outhouse is, literally, “s**t house.” But he said this in English, in mixed company with my colleagues looking on, and it was obvious some of my friends and co-workers were uncomfortable. Later that night when only a few family members were left, my cousin said to him, “Geez Uncle, what was that all about?” He snapped at her, then turned on me and said that I’d walked around with my nose up in the air all night, that I was “being a little bitch ever since the accident with the damn dog” and I needed to get off my high horse and get over it. I tried to explain that yes I was upset, that it was an awful thing to come home to, it was going to take me awhile to “get over it,” and he waved me off and walked out. He hasn’t contacted me since, but his wife has been in touch and keeps talking about him walking me down the aisle and suggesting we get together before the big day so *I* can clear the air. I feel that I have already extended an olive branch, and he’s the one who should apologize, and if not, I’m better off walking down the aisle on my own. Should I wait for him to apologize and then accept it? Should I decide now I’m going to walk down by myself and tell hm as much, or have my dad or aunt or someone mention this to him? What do you think?