(Closed) Changed fiance

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4053 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

tryingthisout:)marie :  I would 100% absolutely not marry this person if I were you, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache and disrespect and perhaps abuse. If this is how he treats you now it is only going to get worse.

but I think you already know the answer to your questions before you posted. You need to be done for your own (and your child’s (more importantly) safety and sanity.

Post # 3
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Don’t marry him, yes losing someone can make people destructive but he has you and your child to look after, I d at least kick him out of the house if not more. 

Post # 5
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Wow, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Please end it. As long as he thinks this behavior is ok- he will never learn. Nobody deserves this treatment. If you love him, that’s even more reason to let him go. Then maybe he can get help or self correct. Good luck to you.

Post # 6
Member
3221 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Do you have a friend who can stay with you tonight for your safety if he tries coming in drunk and belligerent again?

Post # 7
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Im so sorry you lost a child. I had a stillbirth and that level of pain is just the worst. 

Once someone loss respect, it never comes back. It does sound like he is grieving. But even in grief, you treat the people you love with respect. By staying with him 1) you are teaching your child that love means you disresect someone and 2) if you love someone you let them disrespect you. 

He made the choice to treat you badly. You are only following through on what his behavior is making you do.

PS- I suspect, he wants to end things with you but doesnt have the backbone to do it. He is going to treat  you worse and worse until you do it for him. 

Post # 8
Member
11535 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Cheekie0077 :  all of this.

 

 

 

tryingthisout:)marie :  I understand the longing for what was, but life is full of stress. If your Fiance chooses to take his misery and stress out on his family,that’s how he’s going to cope with all of life’s stresses. 

As awful as what happened to his mom is, and as much pain as he is in, that is not an excuse to treat his own family like dirt. Staying out till 5 am, getting drunk, not answering his phone (I’m assuming since he won’t tell you where he is), not telling you where he is, and worst of all being angry and scary. 

No you don’t let him back in. 

And no, you do not marry him. 

 

Find a man worthy of marrying. Love isn’t enough. Your LO and you deserve better. 

Post # 9
Member
10070 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Do not marry this guy for any reason!

Post # 10
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I think you need to find some time to sit down together and have a major talk. My oh lost someone very close to him last summer and although he didn’t react like your bf he became very withdrawn and not present in the relationship or the home. It came to a head before xmas where something happened that could have broken us but instead we turned it round. It was difficult but we talked and cried and he realised how distant he has been. He sought the help of a therapist as well as antidepressants and is a totally different person, back to his old self. What I am trying to say is… if you make him aware of how unacceptable his behaviour is, you are giving him the decision on whether to help himself or not. Personally if my oh had not been so keen to make amends and fix us I could not have went on. As it turns out we are closer and more open than ever and the relationship is better for it. Sometimes someone has to hit rock bottom before they can see they need to change. You need to make him aware of your boundaries and what is not ok and see if he is willing to change z 

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Post # 11
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

There’s so much more to relationships that can be explained in a few paragraphs. And certainly no one you doesn’t know you, knows what’s best for you and your life. Only you can answer this question. Sounds like you already know the answer. I suggest going to couples counseling, migh help you work out some of your issues, or realize they’re not going away.

Post # 12
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Sometimes people can change after a sudden and unexpected loss of a loved one. It sounds like he really needs counseling to work through some issues. At the very least, I would postpone the wedding if he is willing to get help for his recent destructive behaviors. But definitely don’t follow through with the wedding in 6 months!!

Post # 13
Member
9853 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would absolutly put the wedding plans on hold. It sounds like he needs a serious come-to-Jesus talk about how his behavior is impacting your relationship and it’s impacting your child as well I’m sure! This is unacceptable behavior. Losing a loved one does not give you license to become an asshole who ignores his family and treats his SO with no respect. If he’s having trouble dealing with it then he needs to get some counseling and get his shit together. If he’s not willing to do that, then unfortunatly I don’t know what’s left except to leave because you deserve better.

Post # 14
Member
454 posts
Helper bee

You keep saying that you love him, but your love for him does not make it right. In fact, it makes it even horrible to know that he treats you this way. You are too kind, and he is taking advantage of your kindness. You deserve better, and there is a man out there who will give you the moon and stars.

Post # 15
Member
18 posts
Newbee

Listen my dear don’t lose yourself for someone who doesn’t care about losing you !! Don’t marry him

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