(Closed) Changing Gift Amount You Give After Your Own Wedding

posted 4 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
30388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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Apple_Blossom :  

Does anyone else feel like they need to adjust their own gift giving at other weddings after their own wedding?

No. We give what we can afford and consider our relationship with the couple. Perhaps others feel they can afford more, and that’s ok.

 

Post # 3
Member
13547 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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Apple_Blossom :  Gifts are based on budget and closeness of relationship, which granted can feel arbitrary up to a point. But I generally base my gift to someone close on sentiment and not whether or not I can attend, as if I’m somehow paying a ticket price for my seat, food, and entertainment.

Post # 4
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Nope. We give what we can afford to give.

And I don’t expect my friends to gift me a certain amount based on what I gave them.

Post # 6
Member
5521 posts
Bee Keeper

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Apple_Blossom :  I get where you’re coming from; while I agree gifts shouldn’t be tit for tat I can understand how if someone was very generous to you you would feel awkward giving less. 

In this case though you’re not attending the wedding, and therefore won’t cost the couple anything. It is different giving $50 when you aren’t attending vs giving $50 if you were. I think in the circumstances it’s more than enough. 

Post # 7
Member
9111 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

“We have $200. We could give it, and meet our bills. So yes, we can afford it, it just feels too much.”

If it feels like too much then it is too much. Affordability is more than having the cash available at the moment. Also keep in mind that most people tend to give more when they attend the wedding (the whole cover your plate mentality) than if they skip and send a gift so the discrepancy isn’t as big as you think.

Post # 8
Member
6297 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Gift what you can give. DH and I tend to be generous wedding gift givers. Partly because I work in the industry and know how expensive weddings are, and partly because it’s what we feel ok giving. For the most part all the weddings we get invited to are for close friends, it’s rare we get invited to a distant friend’s wedding. On average we tend to gift $200. We have gone above that for REALLY close friends. When our BFF’s got married, we bought them an excursion on their honeymoon in Hawaii that was $1500. When our other close friends (who are like younger siblings to us) got married we gifted them $500.

We had a few older couples we’ve very close with go above and beyond on their gifts to us, and it kind of inspried us to do the same.

Post # 9
Member
408 posts
Helper bee

I would give them $200 gift, but that’s me. I would not feel comfortable giving them a $50 gift in this situation. 

It’s not that I think gifts are necessary or tit-for-tat, my friend didn’t send me a gift when I got married but I transferred her $200 a month later for her wedding – because I felt like it. And I didn’t want anything in return. 

Do what feels right to you. 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know weddings are not tit for tat, and it’s not your fault they gifted you $200. With that being said, I would still not feel comfortable giving $50. I wouldn’t want to give 200 either, especially if I’m not going. I would give them 100 and call it a day. However, you should do what makes you comfortable. I’m just saying what I would do in that same situation. 

Overall, my husband and myself are generous gift givers. We always give more than we receive. That’s a general statement because we don’t even keep a tally of what we receive. We give because we can afford it, and we understand when people can’t give what we can. So, that also may be something to keep in mind about the other couple. If they are like us, they won’t care about what you give. 

Again, it’s about what makes you comfortable. 

Post # 11
Member
13547 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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LilliV :  Except cover the plate mentality is totally inappropriate. How much you are “costing” the couple or not costing them is irrelevant. If you want to follow that logic then you are also spending less to attend and can afford that much more. Neither perspective is anything but crass. 

That said you are not obligated to give any gift at all if not attending, just a letter or card with well wishes. But if I was close enough to be invited in the first place, then the sentiments remain the same. I can’t personally imagine not sending the gift I would have given them in any case. 

Post # 12
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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Apple_Blossom :  If we attend the wedding it’s 100pp (cover your plate rule) so= $200 standard here in Toronto. Of we are not attending then no gift incnecessary, a card is nice.  So im your case since you are not attending but still want to give a gift, any gift you give is enough!

Post # 14
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

Since you aren’t attending their wedding, the couple isn’t paying for your food, drinks, etc., like you did for them, so I think $50 is perfectly fine.

Post # 15
Member
9111 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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weddingmaven :  agreed! It is a totally unnecessary way to think of gifting money, but plenty of people still do it and that’s all I was saying. 

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