Changing my last name, help me out with wisdom bees.

posted 1 year ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
2419 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d keep your name but have some talks with your daughter about identity and family and feminism. And explain how complicated it is to change names.

i know you’ve said it would also be complicated for your Fiance to change his last name, but that’s what would get my vote as there is 1 of him and 2 of you.  Easier to change one persons last name than 2 people’s. 

Post # 32
299 posts
Helper bee

I had a friend that had her dad’s last name yet no contact with him at all. Her mom got remarried and the girl considered her stepdad to be her father. She elected at the age of 17 to change her last name to match her stepdad and mom’s last name.

My brother and I have my dad’s last name, and we have a relationship with him and he has always been part of our lives. However, I would do anything to not have his last name because I do not feel overly close with him. My mom got remarried when I was little and my stepdad really wanted her to change her name to his. She compromised with a hyphenated last name to incorporate her first marriage last name (my brother and I’s) with her new married name so when she would sign things for our school/legal things it was obvious she was related to us. It was a hassle for her and she has since dropped using the hyphenated version for most day to day things.

You have presented the opportunity for your daughter to have a “whole” family, and that includes sharing a last name. I would 100% recommend doing that. It will help her feel complete and it will solidify in her mind that she is part of a family with two loving parents.

If it not too much work for you and it would make her happy, do it.

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