(Closed) Changing my last name to his…which is a family name for me?

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
9918 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You sort of just put both of your full names on the Internet.  Just FYI.

 

I think you should keep your maiden name.  

Post # 5
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You are conradicting yourself:

My last name is Crews. I hate it, I’ve always hated it, and I couldn’t WAIT until I met the guy I was going to marry so I could change it.

NOW:

merge our names together, not hyphenate, but use something that would blend them evenly if possible… But I hate the ‘girl has to take the guy’s last name’ tradition

Seems to me like you just want a name change but you really will only accept a name you like. My advice is change it or don’t but don’t do make up some new name because he happens to share a name to some family you dislike.

Post # 6
Member
9918 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@StefLovesJamie:  Okay just making sure!  I didn’t want you to get in trouble.

 

I like your last name.  It reminds me of The Little Princess, which is one of my favorite books. I used to dislike my last name but have come to terms with it…just in time to have to change it.  My fiance thinks it’s “hippie and yuppie” to keep my maiden name (I don’t think he knows what hippie and yuppie mean lol) so I am going to mine to his.

Post # 7
Member
4373 posts
Honey bee

I’d probably just change it to an entirely different last name, one that I liked.

Post # 8
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Honestly if you dislike both of your names anyways I would go with his. Even if it is the same as some of your distant family members, you aren’t joining their family, you are creating one with your FI.If you felt differently about your maiden name, that would change things.

Post # 10
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hmm… really tough. Which would you hate more? Keeping your maiden name or having the same last name as your unfavorable relatives? Sounds like you have to go with the lesser of two evils here.

If you’re okay with have a different last name than your husband, a third option for you could be to change your name to something else besides those 2 names. (You know, like when Phoebe from Friends changed her name to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock when she married Mike Laughing)

Post # 11
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@StefLovesJamie:  There’s a story in our family that one of my great-aunts turned down a marriage proprosal because she thought his last name sounded silly with hers… they rhymed in some way.  At least the way you feel is based on something important!  🙂  I think the relationship you share will have the power to change a negative into a positive.  I’d consider taking his name.

Post # 12
Member
7610 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I like your last name!  That’s besides the point, I know.

Do you see this side of the family often?  If they’re fairly distant (more like an unpleasant memory), I’d take his.  Make “Turner” be about YOU and HIM – not about them.  Like remember on Friends (lol, yes I am referencing a tv show to give you advice) when Pheobe told Monica to just change the meaning of when someone said, “She pulled a Monica” and turn it into a positive thing?  Maybe you can make “Turner” into something that represents your love and marriage and solidarity and over time it will be less about crummy family members.

Post # 13
Member
7610 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Mrs.DBee:  OMG WE WERE BOTH REFERENCING FRIENDS AT THE SAME TIME.  Lol!

Post # 14
Member
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you realy need to separate the fact that it is not your family name, it is your HUSBANDS name. You are making your own new family, it has nothing to do with your maternal family. You said you hate the rule that the girl has to take the guys last name, except that you also said that you always wanted to get married and take someone else’s last name so obviously doing so is not an issue for you, it’s just this name in particular.

Either way I just think that this seems to be an emotional connection that you have made, and really besides letters, the two names are not related (no pun intended). I think it’s a little unfair to NOW decide you don’t want to take his last name because you dont like your moms family. Turner is a very common last name.

If it makes you feel any better I always wanted an easier last name and couldn’t wait to have a different one. Now that I will no longer be Jennifer ___ as I always have been, I’m sad that I will be giving it up. I’m just going to get over it though.

Post # 15
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I believe if you didn’t take his last name it would hurt his feelings. Drop your middle name, replace with maiden, and take Turner as your last name. Don’t think of it as your family that you don’t like but the start of a family with him.

My last name was Towe. People called me Toe my whole life and I was ready to drop it. But out of respect no matter the problems in your family keep your maiden name and take his as your last. Hyphenating names just gets confusing and is pointless I think.

Hope that helps!

Post # 16
Member
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

@StefLovesJamie:  Hmm, it sucks that he’s not up for combining. You could do something like Trew or True. You absolutely have a choice in it, it’s your name. You could come up with a new one for yourself (like PPs suggested). Are you against hyphenating? If you hypenated it’s almost like coming up with a new name as you would be Crews-Turner and it’s a different from what the relatives you’re not fans of have.

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