(Closed) Changing My Mind About Marriage – Already Lost My Chance?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@veilofanonymity:  it would be unfair to get his hopes up if you werent sure. i think you should wait and see if you mean it and arent just reacting to stimuli in the present

Post # 5
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@veilofanonymity:  he is clearly in love enough to accept your life views, he probably wont mind them changing so long as it is permanent. I do think waiting till after your settled will be wise for many reasons. I wish you luck though however you end up feeling

Post # 6
Member
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had the same problem…by the time I decided I’d be open to marriage, I’d already told my partner a million times that I was opposed to marriage (actually, I may have repeatedly said it was a “trap to enslave women”). Long story short, I proposed to him! It was a really great way to show him my commitment, do something special for him, and keep my nontraditional ideals while doing something very traditional.

Post # 7
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@veilofanonymity: If I were in this position, I would literally just say ‘hay honey, you know how I told you I was against marriage, well being with you has changed my mind. If you were to ask me to marry you, I’d say yes!’ Yes, I know thats so NOT subtle. But who cares, if you know he wants to marry you and hes only held back because of your views then he should be ecstatic that you have changed your mind 🙂 Good luck!  

Post # 9
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would just straight up talk to him!

Whether you ever get married or not, honest & frequent communication is key to ensure longevity.

We all evolve and grow, don’t be ashamed, or feel like you have lost your chance. It’s never too late.

Post # 10
Member
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@veilofanonymity:  I did! I proposed on the set of the Hobbit (my SO is a really big fan, although I’m not), so I proposed with a replica of the ring from LOTR. When he said yes, I pulled out a real engagement ring for him. When we got back to the states, I took him to the jewelery store to see if he wanted to exchange it for another style, but he told me he wanted to keep the one I had picked out for him. Overall, I’d recommend the experience. It’s really fantastic to plan a whole proposal for someone else. It was also a good litmus test- if he had felt “emasculated” or whatever, then he clearly wouldn’t have been a good fit for me.

Post # 11
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@Eva Peron:  

@veilofanonymity:  

right but we see so many women on here devistated when a previously against marriage SO says they have changed their minds but then change it again and return to not wanting it. They rarely care that the SO still wants a relationship, they just feel it is cruel to take away that hope.  That is why i said she should wait til she is settled and certain before she gives him hope.

Post # 12
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It’s not a situation to be subtle, you want to be on the same page. He compromised for you, and I’m sure he’ll love it that he’s the reason you changed your mind over such an important decision. I would say to be direct about it but also sweet! 

Post # 13
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

@veilofanonymity:  The way I would describe it is that sometimes subtlety doesn’t work with men as well as women.

What you might view as un subtle or too much! he would view as a simple statement.

I would just be fairly blunt, therefore he won’t be worried about it being a phase and will be more likely to hear you and be confident that he understand what you are saying.

🙂 x

Post # 14
Member
313 posts
Helper bee

Communication is key. Make sure your mind is changed for good, because marriage is a forever-thing. Once you’re convinced it’s going to be forever (if that is the conclusion you come to), talk to him honestly. I see no need for beating around the bush…keeping things secret and coy when you’re talking about the rest of your lives is silly to me. Put your cards on the table and see how he feels.

Post # 15
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent's backyard

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