- 5 years ago
I’ve always been very vocally skeptical of the institution of marriage. However, after nearly six years (two living together) with my fantastic SO, I’m starting to change my mind, and despite my radical politics I find myself daydreaming that he’ll ask me to marry him, etc… The trouble is, I’m sure that at this point he thinks I’ll never want to and he’s put all hope out of his mind. So much so, that when I tried to tell him I was changing my mind, it clearly didn’t sink in. Have I lost my chance?
We’ve talked about marriage before (he was yay, I was nay). Most recently, on the drive to his brother’s wedding, I made an effort to be honest about the various emotions I have recently had about the topic. I expressed my concerns with the inequitable nature of the institution and the various ways in which the government just shouldn’t be involved. I also expressed that I think choosing the right partner might alleviate some of those concerns and expressed that he would probably make a very good husband. Finally, I expressed that though my feelings about it in the past had been quite skeptical of the institution, our conversations about the purpose of weddings and marriage in the last months had softened those feelings and that I have even had marriage daydreams.
He expressed that he had previously been hesitant to talk to me about marriage, but that he did want a word for me that was more than “girlfriend” or “partner.” He also told me a story of how he had to explain to his mom that she was only imagining any interest I had in engagement. (It’s true, I was just being polite when helping his mom & brother shop for his brother’s girlfriend’s diamond.) I told him that indeed, I don’t ever want a diamond, but that, if he ever felt the urge, he would be welcome to buy me something more ethical.
The thing is, only a day after we talked about this, some things happened at his brother’s wedding that made me doubt that either of us had understood the other. In one instance, he made a big scene during the garter toss by walking away from it while *THE ENTIRE RECEPTION WAS CHANTING HIS NAME.* He, sweetly, came and sat next to me (they were still chanting) and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Inside though, I was all – WTF?
Have I well and fully convinced him that I’ll never be willing to be married? I tried to express in our conversation that I am much more open to marriage than I have been in the past. Was that conversation too late?
What should I do now?
Also – we’re about to move across the country together… maybe that’s what has my panties in an engagement twist.