Post # 1
Oh bees, I don’t know what to do and am in need of some advice. Throughout our whole engagement, I always planned on changing my last name. Really never even considered not changing it – I didn’t feel like I was attached to my last name, and I don’t even get along with the part of my family that it comes from. Plus it’s easily made fun of instead of FI’s top 3 in popularity last name.
We’ve been married since September 18th, and I still haven’t taken any steps towards changing it. I think Fiance thinks I’m just being my usual procrastinating self, but honestly – I don’t know if I want to change it anymore. Anytime someone calls me by my married name or I see it written somewhere, I just think, “Who is that person??” I’m having trouble adequately explaining it, but it just doesn’t feel like me and I’m suddenly feeling very attached to the last name I’ve had my whole life.
But then again, when we do have children I know I’ll want us to have the same last name. Is what I’m feeling normal – should I just go ahead and change it and eventually adjust? Or should I broach the subject with DH of me not changing it – I don’t think he’ll be super happy, mostly because of grief we’d get from family, but I don’t think he’d try to talk me out of it or anything. I suppose hyphenating is always an option, but it’s not one that I really like, I think the names sound kind of odd together.
Post # 3
I think everyone has trouble adjusting to a new name, even those who were super excited to be Mrs. Hislastname. DO what you want though! There’s no rule that says you have to change it right away. You could leave it as is and make the decision when you have kids, or you could change it now and change it back (here it isn’t even a legal name change so you can revert to your legal name whenever you want).
I did not change my name, but socially am going by his. So far it hasn’t been an issue.
Post # 4
You should also check out the board devoted to names, it’s under Not Wedding Related.
Post # 5
Forgot that was even there! Sorry guys!
Post # 6
I had planned to change mine too, and never did. I just didn’t want to. It’s not because I’m not proud of who I married, I just don’t like the name!
Post # 7
i was the opposite, i only decided to change my name after my wedding. i haven’t done it yet though only cuz i am waiting until i finish school. throughout reading your post i was simply going to tell you not to change it if you don’t want to. its no biggie. but if the kids thing is important to you, then i am not sure what to tell you…..unless you are looking for people to say it is okay for you not to have the same last name as your kids, which it is.
Post # 8
I didnt truely 100% want to cause my name has been ME for sooo long, but I was eventually going to do it cause it meant so much to my husband. It took me about 2 months to get to the social security office to get the ball rolling to get it changed. I’ve since only changed my passport (cause I was still within the 1 yr period to change it for free), and 2 of my 5 credit cards. I havent done my licence yet. I thought it would be really weird and hard to get used to, but actually seeing my new name on my credit cards now, it looks pretty normal. My old name still looks normal too. They’re both me now. Maybe its my supppppeeer slow transition and easing into it…
Post # 9
@Wonderstruck: My bf is very into me changing my last name. Growing up, I always said I would keep my last name because I am Croatian and am proud of my heritage. As I grew into womanhood I figured I would be traditional and change my name. I understand male pride and how it is important to them for their wives to share the same last name. Oddly enough, my bf and I were talking about this today. I said that I am planning on changing to his last name when we get married, but would like to use my last name at work. I’m a teacher and I love when my students tell me their sister, brother, cousin, etc., had me “x” years ago. He was a little bit put off, which is so odd considering how easy-going he is. I think it has to do with the fact that I am the more controlling one in the relationship, strong roots, stable job, higher salary, more education. I think he felt as though if he could not take over some of these roles, at least he could have me take his last name. I don’t see the huge significance because it is not like I work in a field where I will see and talk to men all the time and want to look “single,” I teach 12 year olds who need to be reminded the difference between Ms., Miss, and Mrs. haha! Not that I will have to worry about this for a while. We plan on getting engaged before the new year, and probably married two years after that.
Post # 10
My name is offically changed and it only took 4 months. I was happy to change my last name because its just a new phase of my life. Maybe I’m different because this is actually my 3rd name change. My parents changed my last name as a child for religious reasons so I always had 2 last names. Now I just have Hubby’s and its not a bad last name. Plus he is from a very small family and we intend to keep his family name going.