- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
I’ve read a few different threads about changing my last name, but I wanted a bit more information. I also read this article: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/men-on-married-names
My FI and I are fairly non-traditional: I picked out my ring, my dresses have black on them (which apparently is a big deal to people???), our honeymoon will be a job I’m accepting to Teach English Abroad, etc; He’s incredibly accepting of my beliefs, and vice versa.
My FI is Catholic, and though I’m not at all religious, neither of our beliefs have caused any issues. He wants to be married in a traditional way in a church with a priest, but that makes me uncomfortable (I feel like I’m disrespecting other patrons whenever I’ve gone to church), so we agreed to get married at my dream venue, but that we could have a priest.
What’s causing a bit of an issue, is the name change aspect. He feels that sort of tradition needs to be honored. Early on in our relationship, I was clear that if we were to ever get married, I’d be keeping my last name. My last name is part of who I am. Yes, it’s long, difficult to pronounce, and I have to consistently explain that it’s a Spanish last name, not Italian, because I’m Filipino and the Spaniards took over the Philipines, etc; – but it’s my last name. I’m attached to it, it’s part of my heritage, and as there’s been so much tragedy in my family, it makes me feel connected in a slight way. I know that might sound silly, but it’s true. When the issue came up recently, I again reiterated that I would not be changing my name. My FI was clearly uncomfortable with that.
He’s always been incredibly supportive of my wanting to keep my independence and identity, but I think this was one of those traditions that is supposed to stay in tact. He used the religious point of view, and the point of view of any children having a different name than mine (I said the kids could have his last name), but I don’t really want to budge. If I do a hyphenated last name, the name will be over 18 letters long, so that’s sort of out of the question. I’ve tried out several combinations of our last names and they all seem pretty silly. My middle name is Hawaiian, a huge part of my heritage, so I’d prefer to not have two middle names.
Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I am. I feel like, if it’s really important to him, I should change it; but my name is so important to me, too. My family is fairly traditional, so they think it’s unreasonable for me to make a big deal. Any pointers?