(Closed) Changing my Name- Hardest Decision Yet- What Are You Doing?

posted 6 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m changing my last name to his but it will be very difficult. I love my last name as it is the only thing I have left of my father. It’s a very fun last name to have as well. But I’ve accepted that my last name will be changing, it’s always something I’ve planned on doing and it just feels right to take his name. Sorry you’re feeling so conflicted, could you explain to him exactly why you feel the way you do and that it’s not about his last name at all? My fiance would be very upset if I didn’t take his too. Good luck, hugs!

Post # 4
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s the one thing we still haven’t come to agreement on.  I have an established professional reputation, and he wants me to change my last name.  I’m quite against this, and have no problem if the kids use his.  Since our wedding is next year, I guess we’ll figure it out then.  Frankly, I don’t see why I should change my name when mine is perfectly fine.  He thinks I’ll change my mind, but that’s wishful thinking on his part.  

Post # 5
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s the one thing we still haven’t come to agreement on.  I have an established professional reputation, and he wants me to change my last name.  I’m quite against this, and have no problem if the kids use his.  Since our wedding is next year, I guess we’ll figure it out then.  Frankly, I don’t see why I should change my name when mine is perfectly fine.  He thinks I’ll change my mind, but that’s wishful thinking on his part.  

Post # 6
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

I always envisioned changing my name, and always assumed that I would. But now that I’m engaged and getting married soon, I’ve started thinking I might just keep my own! I don’t like hyphenated names (so I’ll be Mrs. A or Mrs. B, but not Mrs. A-B). I just started feeling kind of sentimental about my last name. It’s been my identity for almost 30 years. Plus, I have some publications under my last name now, and if I continue in academia, I would at least like to continue publishing under my current last name. I think the only thing that bothers me about NOT changing it now, is when we have kids, I would like to have the same name as them. So, I dunno…I might keep mine for a while after we’re married, I may change it later, I’m not sure. Fiance is fine with either, so mine might just stay the same out of sheer laziness until we have kids.

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think he’s being a bit unfair. You’re making a compromise by changing your name at all…so you should get to decide how you want it. If it’s hyphenated, then you’re still taking his name into the mix. 

I personally didn’t have any hesitation in changing mine fully, but then, I don’t have a very popular family name or one that was associated with a business. I can totally see why you would want to hyphenate. 

Post # 8
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I like my name better than his, lol. I’m changing my name for how do you say regular life, lol but keeping mines for my profession. 

Post # 9
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m keeping my  name.  It gets butchered enough as it is and with his French last name, it’d be terrible.  I also have been published with this name so I’d rather keep it.

Post # 10
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I will not be changing my last name.  It’s part of who I am and nobody askes men to change their name so why should anyone expect it of me?  Besides, I will hold a couple of degrees by the time that I get married and have had a job for awhile, so it will be just easier to keep it.

Do I get crap for it?  Of course!  My parents hate the idea (even my father’s whose name it is and that name will die out with my sister and I if we don’t keep it and pass it on.)  But Fiance is completely on board–as long as I don’t demand that he change his.

Post # 11
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m changing mine.  I can’t wait to have the same last name he does.

Post # 12
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m changing my name. I’ve always thought that when I got married I’d change my name. I like my last name, but I also like his too. That’s just me.

It seems that many men just expect the woman to change her name without really asking how she feels. I had a professor in college that took his wife’s last name. Well they hyphenated their last names with eachother’s last names.

Hopefully you’ll make a decision that you both will be happy with.

Post # 13
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I also cannot wait to change my name…infact I think I may need to practice my new signature!

 

 

Post # 14
Member
1438 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m changing mine. I really like his last name. I’m tired of mine. lol

Post # 15
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

If he is so intent on you two having the same last name, then he can change his name to yours. 🙂 If he balks at that suggestion, at least he will get a small sense of what you may be feeling.

In My Humble Opinion it is utter bullshit that women are socially expected to assume their husband’s last name when they get married, and that men have the balls to try and “enforce” this norm. They sure as hell wouldn’t like it if women started telling them that men had to be the ones to make the change. It’s a vestige of the patriarchy that needs to be put to rest. If a woman wants to change her name, fine. But no woman should ever be expected to or pressured to change her name. I say stand your ground. It’s YOUR name and YOUR decision. Period.

Post # 16
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I had a very serious struggle with this too. I did FirstName MaidenName HisLastName.

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