- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2010
Umm… yes and no. I legally changed my name and added my maiden name to my middle name without dropping the middle name. It’s weird. I don’t feel like Mrs. xxx but it is what it is. Eventually I will get used to it. This is the traditional thing to do. How old are you? I’m almost 30 so I’ve had my maiden name for quite a while. It’s sad letting go of my old name, but change isn’t always easy.
Yeah, I’m struggling with this, too. I am getting married in January and starting to feel very bittersweet about losing my last name. I have decided to keep my current middle – which is my mother’s maiden name, and also the town in Norway where my family is from, so I want to keep it. I know it means a lot to my fiance for me to change my name to his, but it’s hard to think of letting go of something that has been a huge part of me & my life.
This was a major reason why we were not married sooner.
I am forty years old and have been Tootietoo2 all of my life. I was married before, but I didn’t change my name because I felt so strongly about it.
My father’s family is notorious for having boys. I was the first (and only) woman born in the family in FOUR GENERATIONS and was quite celebrated upon my arrival. I grew up with brothers and while I have several female cousins on my mothers side, I was the only girl in my dad’s family.
Finally, my brother had a daughter 12 years ago and the “curse” was broken because two more cousins had daughters after that so I was no longer the only woman in the family born into the name. Ironically, that made it “okay” to consent to changing my name.
My niece met Fiance for the first time & asked, “May I call you Uncle Tootie’s Man?” Fi replied that he couldn’t be her uncle until I married him & that couldn’t happen until I agreed to change my name. I explained how I had been the only girl with the name for so long and my niece replied, “It’s okay; there are three of us with the name now so you can change yours. We’ll keep it safe.”
I’m still not thrilled with the idea of changing my name, but I feel better about it and Fiance is absolutely thrilled!
If it hurts you to change it then don’t. There really is no reason anymore, since the tradition came from when you became ‘property’ of his, so really, it’s not like you’re thumbing your nose at a good tradition, you know? If it would upset you or make you feel like you are losing a part of yourself I doubt that someone that loves you would want you to feel like that! Your hubby isn’t going to ask you to so drastically change your identity if it is emotionally negative for you. 🙂
i havent changed my name and have no plans to – it wasnt even on the table to be discussed with my husband and my mother was the most shocked about it
my hubby doesnt care what name i use
I am not planning to change my name either. I am sure when we eventually have kids I will be “Mrs ….” for everything kid related, but that is fine with me.
I think it’s all about figuring out if this is nerves and seperation anxiety from your old name, or if it feels wrong because it is wrong for you. There are tons of us on here that fit into both camps. I’m not married yet, but I knew from the absolute force of emotion I felt at the idea of changing my name that it was not and would never be the right choice for me. If that’s the case for you, that’s okay. You don’t HAVE to change your name, and if you’re doing it because someone else makes you feel that way then maybe it is best to seriously reconsider that decision.
But just feeling sad and wistful and awkward about the transition doesn’t mean that you’re making the wrong decision. I think a lot of women, even women who are at the same time really excited to take their husband’s name, feel that way. It’s a big change. It’s responding to something new, and losing connection with something old. Life is full of change and it’s always difficult. It’s your choice whether for you it’s a difficult but worthwhile transition or something that upsets you and is just not worth doing.
It was really hard for me when I was “between names”–after getting married, before doing all the paperwork for the name change. I felt a lot better once I got all of the paperwork taken care of and I finally had only one name. I wasn’t totally on board with the name change thing at first, but it was a lot easier on me once I finally did it and stopped thinking about it. Now I only occasionally accidentally call myself by my maiden name. 😉
This was super hard for me- still is! I went to MyFirst MyMiddle MyMaiden HisLast, still going by my maiden name professionally, and everywhere else MyFirst MyMaiden HisLast (like Hilary Rodham Clinton). I totally miss being a “Maiden” and cringe when I hear MyFirst HisLast (it’s not me!) or we are called the “HisLasts.” I am not sure if this is normal or I just have severe issues.
It’s not severe issues, guitargirl! Sometimes – and I know some women act like this is never, ever, ever true for them – its okay to be a bit sad or resentful at the fact that you have to assimilate a new identity. Add to that the hubby has to do nothing and it can be a little tough. It’s okay to get upset about it and honestly, I changed my name with my first marriage. I wouldn’t do it again, though. It wasn’t me. I’m not comfortable ‘becoming’ a new person while my partner stays the same. It feels ‘wrong’ to me somehow that in my wonderful, 50/50 relationship I have to then make this huge sacrifice and cease to be the person that I am and give that up in order to show that I am his. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I learned from the first time that I wouldn’t get used to it or learn to love it. We were no less a couple with different names and we were no less a family with different names. The only way I would change mine now is if my bf were to take my last name as well. To me, thats the only way to honor our equal partnership of a relationship while adhering to a name change.
YEP I have to get everything changed too, and it makes me want to cry. I have to go probably tomorrow to the social security office. I am going to keep my card at home to keep it for a souvenir so it won’t be destroyed. I can’t bear that. I am 30 as well.
My maiden name is VERY common, and my hubby’s last name is not common at all. I was so excited about getting a new last name, but it hasn’t been as easy as i had thought. I keep wanting to write my maiden name….after all i’ve been using it for 43 years. Its a struggle that i never thought i would deal with.
I haven’t legally changed my last name and probably never will. Once my grandfather and biological mother are gone, that’s it. I’m the last one with our name.
But, I live in the south, so everyone attaches my husband’s last name to mine. Even the bank and car insurance employees call me Mrs. HisLast. I’ve been married for a little over a year, and I’m only 24, it’s still a little weird to be called Mrs.
I agree with luckypricess–if it’s going to hurt you so much to change your name, don’t do it.
Thanks, bees! You’ve all been super helpful. If nothing else, it’s nice to know I’m not being a jerk for not being so excited about it. I now think the anxiety will pass.
Kudos to you ladies that are adamant to holding on to that part of you. I think I’m just too traditional to be able to do that. I think it’ll make us feel more united to have the same last name.
To those of you that have changed your name, how long did it take you to adjust?
@Mrs. Louboutin: I’m 26, but still super attached to my parents (even though I’ve lived in another state for 6 years now). I guess it’s one of the reasons I’m having such a hard time letting go. I feel like I’m officially leaving my family behind. But since I also plan on changing my middle name to my maiden name, it’ll still feel a part of me and I’ll get over it.
@spaniel: Since I’m currently in that transition phase you mentioned, but it helps to know that others went through that separation anxiety as well. As you said, I think I’ll feel better once it’s finally done. Thanks!
@Kanebaby: Yeah, before I got married, I was excited about changing my common last name to one quite uncommon but now that it’s actually going to happen, it’s harder. Like you, it’s not something I ever thought I’d have to deal with, but I’m sure we’ll adjust. =0)
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