Changing my name,it feels bittersweet

posted 7 months ago in Traditions
Post # 2
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Why don’t you keep your name, then? I did and I’ve never regretted it for a moment.

Post # 3
Member
2316 posts
Buzzing bee

You could make your maiden name a middle name. I did it since I am attached to my maiden name. I’m going to keep signing things with my original signature too.

Post # 4
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

My FI wants me to change my last name, but I really don’t want to…so I’m keeping my last name. He’s understanding. Why don’t you keep your last name if you feel attached to your maiden name?

Post # 5
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I refused to drop my maiden name. I told my husband that I would hyphenate or keep my maiden name. Like you, I never signed my name as Mrs. Whoeveriwasdating. We had a discussion about it, and we both hyphenated. At first it was weird, but now we are used to it. 

Post # 6
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee

I was going to change my name, but with the passing of my Dad two days after my wedding, I’m starting to think I won’t. I’d always planned on using my maiden name as my middle name, but now I’m wanting to remain a ‘MyLastName’ as a way to ‘hold on’ to my Dad, especially as I’m an only child. 

Due to a pending visa/trip I can’t change it for another 4 months anyway, who knows, I may change my mind again- but do what feels right to you!

im even considering just going by my hubby’s name socially but not actually changing it. 

Post # 7
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I completely understand where you’re coming from.  I’m also really attached to my last name.  I’ve sort of “semi” changed it.  I’m not sure how it works in your country, but all my legal documentation is in my maiden name (drivers licence, passport, bank acc), but in my every day life I go by my married name.  It does make things confusing sometimes…like when you go into a shop and they’re like “do you have account with us? What’s your name?”.  But it’s a happy medium. Not sure if you’d be able to do that?

My husband also knows how strongly I feel about changing my name, and I also know it’s kinda important to him…and my in-laws are the type of people that would probably get offended if they knew I didn’t change my name.

Post # 8
Member
6393 posts
Bee Keeper

Keep your last name then. I did. I know FI would like me to do it officially but I book or order stuff as mrs his last name and we are mr and mrs his last name socially so that’ll do. 

Post # 9
Member
2436 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Another vote for keep it! Suggest your fiancé changes to yours because you’re attached to it but it would be nice to share the same name, after he’s combusted, ask him if he gets it now. 

Post # 10
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If you want to keep it then, your husband should respect that decision, if he not up for taking yours?

We both wanted the same surname, we discussed fi taking mine as i’ve both my parents, a double barelled one makes things quite complicated enough for me, so I’ll be taking his. (For a years I did feel strange about giving up dad’s surname since he passed hence the double barelling but other relatives can carry the name on and i think my dad would have loved how well my fiance supports me) 

Post # 11
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I get what you’re saying. It’s an odd idea to be one name your entire life and have it change suddenly. I am all for brides keeping their maiden name if they want to. That being said it is something important to my FI and I hate my initials so I will be changing my name. That being said you certainly don’t need to change your name.

Post # 12
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

If you don’t want to change your name, don’t change it. I wouldn’t marry a guy who insisted against my wishes that I change something I’d had all my life that in no way affects our marriage. Nobody gets to have a say or influential feelings about my name except me. No relationship can push or force me to change my name just bc I’m a woman.

Post # 13
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

MY DH was very understanding and said I didn’t have to change it if I didn’t want to. I’m very attached to my last name. However, I wanted to be a unit and divided front and for me, that meant changing my name.  I made my maiden name my middle name, and still think of myself as my old name, but changed it on paper because it’s what felt right too. 

It’s hard though, I will say that. I miss it a lot. 

Post # 14
Member
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

If you don’t want to change it, you shouldn’t change it.  It doesn’t matter what you FI wants- it is your name, so it’s your choice.

I kept my maiden name as a second middle name.  It’s still there legally, so I don’t feel like I lost it totally.  And I do find myself signing things wrong a lot.  Don’t worry about that.

Post # 15
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Why is what yourFI wants more important than what you want?

My DH was NOT happy when I told him I would not be changing my name, we argued about it several times but I stayed firm…and 7 years later (he realized it much sooner) he knows how stupid he was being, it doesn’t matter at all, we are just as married, we are just as much as a family —

in fact my DH was the one to suggest we give our two children hyphenated last names.

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